


Kiss Kiss

by Galaxy_Collector



Category: Teen Wolf (TV), Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Withdrawal, Alpha Derek Hale, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Twilight Fusion, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Body Dysphoria, Canon-Typical Angst, Crack Crossover, Crossover, Derek Hale Needs a Hug, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Domestic Fluff, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Firefighter Derek Hale, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Hurts So Good, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Imprinting, Imprinting (Twilight), Inspired by Teen Wolf (TV), M/M, Protective Derek, Scott McCall (Teen Wolf) is Part of the Pack, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, So Wrong It's Right, So many tropes, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Tropes, Vampire Slayer(s), Wolf Pack, werewolf!Lydia, werewolf!jackson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:14:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 69,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24256462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galaxy_Collector/pseuds/Galaxy_Collector
Summary: When Derek Hale imprints on Lily Swan, Bella's long-lost twin sister, he's not at all prepared for the supernatural baggage that comes with their relationship, especially when his pack inherits a war between the Cullens and a vengeful vampire's newborn army.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Derek Hale/Original Female Character(s), Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale, Jackson Whittemore/Original Male Character(s), Lydia Martin/Stiles Stilinski, Melissa McCall/Sheriff Stilinski
Comments: 12
Kudos: 23





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Note(s): This is my attempt at a Teen Wolf/Twilight crossover. The Twilight framework regarding lore is mostly prevalent. Jackson and Lydia were both turned and they all morph into the Twilight version of wolves, not the Teen Wolf version.

Charlie Swan sat at his desk, drumming his fingers on the faded linoleum top as he waited for his ancient computer to boot up. Normally, it didn’t irritate him this much, but right now, when he was waiting on life-altering news, he couldn’t even pretend to be patient with it. 

His engineer, Derek Hale, was watching him out of the corner of his eye. But he didn’t dare say a word, probably too nervous to actually broach the subject of what could possibly make his Chief this jittery. According to Stilinski, his second-in-command, Derek idolized Charlie. He’d grown up in Forks and his dad had actually been a member of the squad once upon a time. Charlie had been his adopted dad in a lot of ways after his own passed away, so it made sense, but right now he didn’t dare focus on that. 

He had way more pressing matters than the just-out-of-high-school and more-fresh-faced-than-Charlie recruit they’d just taken on about a year ago. Even if he had risen through the ranks faster than anyone in their small town’s history. 

When Charlie’s e-mail finally sprang to life, he anxiously clicked through several from Renée until his mouse was hovering over one from a detective in Beacon Hills, California. 

His hand started to shake as he navigated to the right screen, hardly taking in the words on the first pass. 

_Dear Chief Swan,_

_Thank you for your patience. I understand how badly you want these results, given your personal interest in the victim. If you could give me a call as soon as possible, that’d be great. It’s not exactly the kind of thing you should read._

_Respectfully,_

_Detective Chance Wagner_

Charlie read it through a few times, hoping he wasn’t missing anything, like maybe an attachment with test results or something, before he huffed loudly and picked up his phone. The whole thing was pointless and overly dramatic, neither things that he took kindly to on a normal day. 

He stood up and walked to the door to shut it as he listened to the ringing through the earpiece, not even wanting Derek as an audience for this one. He’d have to tell him soon. Hopefully. But right now, he wanted to keep it close to the vest. He wanted this to just be him. 

“Hey, Chief,” Charlie said, breathless as he finally heard the other gentleman answer. “It’s Chief Charlie. I mean, Charlie. I mean… Chief Swan.”

Chance chuckled low. “Hey, man. How are you?”

“Oh, ya know, losing my mind. You got news for me?”

“I do,” Chance answered. “I do. But you’re gonna wanna sit down for it.”

Charlie did as he was told, falling into his chair hard. It pushed him away from his desk a bit, so he swiveled around until his back was to the door. The high backed one he had would hide his face, should it become necessary. 

And he hoped it would be. 

“Listen, man, there’s a lot more hoops we gotta jump through, okay? But… it’s her.”

Charlie let out a breath harshly and then took in another stuttering one as he tried not to cry on the phone with this guy he barely knew. 

“It is?” he asked, his voice quivering slightly. 

“Yeah. Yeah, it is,” Chance whispered in response. 

One silent tear slid down Charlie’s cheek as he smiled wide. This was everything he’d been praying for, and now that it was here he wasn’t sure what the correct emotional response was, so he just stayed quiet. 

He figured that was safer anyway.

“So,” Chance continued unprompted, “let’s talk about those hoops and we can figure out her comin’ home. Sound good?”

“Sounds good,” Charlie agreed easily. “Sounds good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more change that I made to this story (if you hadn't noticed) is that Charlie is not a police officer. He is the Fire Chief in Forks and Derek is the engineer, with Noah Stilinski his Division Chief.


	2. dazed & confused

For the second time in less than three hours, Charlie was staring at the clock, willing it to both slow down and hurry up. He needed to have a conversation with Bella that was going to be hard for both of them. He was going to have to break every promise he’d ever made to her, and he really wasn’t looking forward to it, but he secretly hoped this would be the one time Edward was late bringing her back for her newly instituted curfew. 

Every single thing he and Renée had built for Bella was about to come crashing down in spectacular fashion, and even though she was headed out to join him soon, this was one talk Charlie really needed to do on his own. Besides, as far as Charlie was concerned, Renée hadn’t earned a say in the matter. 

Not after she’d given up. 

_ Renée pushed back on his chest as he came toward her, his arms out to hug her. “Stop,” she said quietly. “Stop. I can’t… I can’t do this. I can’t be married to a ghost.” _

_ Charlie did as he was told, sticking his hands in his back pockets after being turned down by his wife for what felt like the millionth time that week. As much as she wanted to pretend that he was emotionally unavailable, it was really that her guilt was drowning her and neither of them knew what to do to help her.  _

_ She hung her head for a second before looking back at him. “I can’t let this bury me like it has you,” she spat at him. “It’s too much. We still have Bella. We have to concentrate on her. Or… I do.”  _

_ Charlie’s eyebrows pulled in the middle as he tried to understand exactly what was happening here. She’d threatened to leave every single minute of every day since they’d lost Lily, but this felt different somehow.  _

_ More permanent.  _

_ “Honey,” she began again, her voice gentle and quiet now, “we used to talk all the time. About everything. Now you don’t say two words to me. You used to be my best friend. And now I drag anything that isn’t about her out of you like I’m pullin’ teeth. It’s just… I’m tired. I’m so damn tired, Charlie.” _

_ “Then let me help,” he insisted. “I can help. I don’t mind. I told you that. I just… we have to find her, Renée. This isn’t something I can just stop doing, okay? And how could you ask me that?” _

_ “We don’t know where she is,” she screeched. “Let it go.” _

_ “You already have,” he said, backing up from her.  _

_ And he said in it a way that made it clear to the both of them that he had just figured that out. Maybe she had too, but it was harder having it all laid bare like that. All exposed and raw.  _

_ “I will never give up on finding our daughter,” Renée insisted, no real conviction in her voice. “But Bella needs me. And you can’t be here for the both of us. You’ve made that clear.” _

_ “It was four fucking weeks ago, Renée,” he suddenly shouted. “Of course I can’t make you my whole priority when our daughter is fucking missing. What the hell is  _ wrong _ with you?” _

_ “Nothing! Nothing is wrong with me for wanting to keep the one daughter we do have alive.”  _

_ There it was. The lines were drawn. And for the first time, they were on opposing sides. He had always assumed they’d make it through to the other side. He wouldn’t say it, but it was one of the few things that kept him going, and he could tell that wasn’t possible now. She saw them as two sides of the same coin. Two sides that could never agree.  _

_ She was the present. He was the past.  _

_ Or that’s how she saw it, at least.  _

_ It was over.  _

Charlie shook his head to try and keep himself from going too far down that rabbit hole. Based on today’s events, he was further down it than he’d given himself permission to be in over fifteen years. He certainly didn’t need anymore help. 

A car in the driveway jerked him all the way out of his head, though, and suddenly his heart was hammering away. 

He had no idea how to do this. He had no idea where to start or what to say. Any way it went, Charlie Swan was screwed. He had listened to his ex-wife and agreed to lie to their daughter for the sake of… well, that was the problem. He couldn’t remember now, and that wasn’t going to be a good enough answer for Bella. 

He already knew that. 

“Dad?” she asked, bursting through the door and out of the gentle rain. 

Her sneakers screeched as she made her way inside, letting him know that simply walking over the threshold was impossible for her to do without tripping at least a little bit.

It wasn’t intentional, which was why it put a smile on his face. His Bella, perpetually clumsy. Just like him. 

Hopefully not in all the ways. 

“Hey, Bells,” he croaked. “How’s, uh, how’s school?” he started, nervousness taking over completely now.

“Fine,” she answered slowly, making her way into the kitchen, where he was already sitting at the table. “What are you doing home so early?”

He shrugged. “Nothin’.”

“Are you checking up on me? I told you I was sorry,” she said, her voice sounding more parental than he felt like it should. “I promise I come every single day at four, just like you asked.”

“Yeah, I know, Bells. It’s actually…”

“And Edward is never going to let me be late either. I know you don’t like him, but…”

“Bells,” he tried to interrupt. 

“Dad, listen, I get it.”

“Bella,” Charlie said louder, his voice more firm. “Bella, listen, I need to talk to you. That’s why I’m home,” he finally admitted. “It’s not about Edward. Or you being grounded.”

“Oh, okay.” 

She sat down across from him and suddenly he was drawing a blank again. It wasn’t news to him that he had no idea how to talk to his daughter, but most of that had to do with the fact that she was a teenager and hadn’t lived with him for a good majority of her life. But this was much different. Much more difficult.

“Bella, listen,” he started again, “I, uh, need to tell you something. And it’s not gonna make a ton of sense at first, but I need you to trust me.”

She furrowed her brows the same way he always did when he was confused. It was way more adorable on her, though. 

“Okay, I do. Always, dad.”

He took a deep breath and tried to smile at her. He meant for it to be reassuring, but given that her confusion just became more pronounced, he figured it came off as more of a scowl. 

“Bells, when you were born… you, uh, were in the hospital.”

She smirked. “Yes, dad, that is where babies are born.”

“Did me and your mom ever tell you about that day?” he asked, trying to ignore the gentle teasing. 

“Uh, not really. I mean, I guess you must’ve at some point. But I don’t remember.”

He nodded. “It was raining. Like… really hard. I wasn’t sure we were gonna make it. But then we did and there were, like, two doctors in the whole place. Obviously before Dr. Cullen showed up, ya know. And, umm, like no other staff really. The old Route 1 used to flood really bad, so they’d send people home before storms to make sure they could get back without any trouble.”

“Cool,” she answered, trying to seem interested as he rambled. “But what does this…”

“I’m getting to it,” he promised. “Your mom had a super fast delivery. Like no time for drugs kinda fast. She hated it, but she was a trooper.”

“That’s sweet, dad.”

“And then… something happened,” he continued. “I went to check on you guys and, umm…” 

Charlie’s voice petered off as he closed his eyes, trying to keep the memories of a tiny empty bassinet at bay. He looked up to the ceiling to stave off the tears, but they were threatening to spill over at any moment. 

“Lily was just gone.”

“Who… who is Lily, dad?” Bella asked quietly, her voice impossibly small. 

“That’s, uh… that’s your sister, Bells. You have a twin sister. And today, I found her.”

_ There, I said it, _ Charlie thought.  _ Now… here comes the hard part.  _


	3. way down we go

“All right,” Derek said, motioning for them to calm down. His voice was barely heard over the dull roar that was his pack. “Listen up. We need to talk about something.” 

The laughter and side chatter died quickly as everyone stared up at him from where they sat at the table in his dining room. Even Lydia, who was always a wild card and chose to listen when it suited her, was waiting patiently for him to continue. With the whole pack––and most of their significant others––gathered today, it was a wonder it had only taken him a few seconds. 

Most of them had been required to break off and take shifts to cover Bella’s house and wait for the redhead to reappear, so they rarely all got together like this anymore. And while that meant he was responsible lately for staving off boredom with a bunch of teenage wolves while still holding down his grown-up job at the station house, he did like to see them all together once in a while. 

Not that he’d say that out loud to _them_. 

“We got some news at the station,” he continued. 

“Ohhh, fancy,” Stiles joked quickly. “Did your butt buddy, Chief Swan, tell you some exciting news, Sourwolf?”

Derek shot him a look that told him to shut up, but it was Scott poking Stiles that actually made it happen. 

“Don’t be jealous, man,” Scott said, causing Derek to smirk. “It’s not a cute look.”

Stiles rolled his eyes, but otherwise stayed quiet, rubbing his side where Scott had jabbed him with his elbow. 

“Yes, my _butt buddy_ did tell me some news,” he answered. “And I need you idiots to be on your best fucking behavior, okay?” Stiles straightened up at his words and mock saluted him, which Derek did his best to ignore. “Chief Swan has a daughter who’s coming to live in Forks in the next couple of weeks.”

Stiles raised his hand next and Derek fought the urge to growl at him. “What do you want now, Stiles?” he asked through gritted teeth. 

“Yeah, we did this one already, man. Her name’s Bella. The vampire prince, Edward, fell madly in love with her. Now we’re all waiting for some redheaded crazy lady––other than Lydia––to come and and num num her neck. It was a whole thing.”

“Not her, you moron,” Derek corrected. “Apparently, Bella is a twin. And when they were born, Lily, his other daughter, was stolen right out of the hospital.”

“Damn,” Scott commented. 

“Yes, Scott, as you so eloquently put it. Damn is right. She’s your age, so play nice. Please. And let’s not have a repeat of what happened with Bella.”

“What, uh, what happened with Bella?” Stiles asked, leaning forward and trying to act innocent. 

“Not you, of course. But most of you tripped all over yourselves trying to date her. For the love of God,” he added quietly. “I cannot take that bullshit twice. Just… keep your hormones in check.”

“For you, boss, not a problem,” Lydia said with a wink. 

“Thank you, even though I wasn’t talking to you either,” Derek commented, brushing past the sarcasm. “Now, I’m sure everyone has questions, so let’s just get ‘em out now so you don’t embarrass yourselves. Or me. Okay?”

Jackson looked around the group, and when no one immediately spoke up, he raised his hand slowly. 

Derek had no idea how this had turned into the world’s worst press conference, but it was better than the alternative where they just screamed over one another until he forced them to shut up. 

“What?” 

“Is… is she hot?”

Derek sighed heavily and shook his head. “How the fuck would I know that? I haven’t seen her. She has red hair. That is the extent of my knowledge. And why does it matter?” 

“It doesn’t, I guess,” he replied slowly. “It’s just, like, everyone was freakin’ out over Bella, and she’s cool, or whatever, but she’s not that attractive. I get that Edward’s eternally in love with her and we’re bound by all our pack shit to protect her while she’s human, but like… come on, man.”

“Wow. How sweet. I’ll let Chief Swan know you think so highly of his daughter. Awesome. Any other questions?”

“Hold on,” Lydia interrupted, standing up to her full height of 5’3”. “There’s only room for one smoking hot redhead and that role has been filled. By me.”

“No one’s as hot as you, Lydia. Calm down, babe,” Stiles offered. 

Allison smiled at them from where she sat, shaking her head at their banter as she watched quietly. That’s all Allison ever did, which was nice, but if Scott hadn’t imprinted on her, she wouldn’t be here at all, and it still felt weird to talk so freely around her about certain things. 

Derek wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to get used to it. 

“Thank you,” Lydia answered, smiling at Stiles. “But you are biased and I’m just saying…” 

“Technically, you imprinted on _me_ ,” Stiles reminded her unnecessarily, “so if there’s anyone who’s biased, it’s you, honeybunches.”

“Does anyone have any _real_ questions?” Derek asked loudly, trying to get them back on track. “What about you three? You’re being uncharacteristically quiet.”

He pointed to Erica, Boyd, and Isaac, all looking as thoroughly bored as he felt at the moment. 

“I mean... Jackson’s right,” Isaac said, shrugging his shoulders. “Bella’s not that hot. She’s great, but I’m not gonna do anything. Erica isn’t bi. Right?” She shook her head. “And Boyd doesn’t like short girls, so it’s fine. No one’s gonna after her. Just kinda... tired.”

He nodded at each of Isaac’s points as both Erica and Boyd let him do the talking. He never would’ve thought these three would be the least problematic, given their beginnings. But here they all were.

“How’d she get stolen? Don’t they have, like, stuff set up so that doesn’t happen?” Scott asked, thankfully without raising his hand. 

“They do now. They didn’t then. That’s actually why we have them now,” Derek explained. “Some lady just walked in, asked for Renée, and walked out with Lily.”

“Where’d she grow up?” Jackson asked, not bothering to wait his turn, if there was such a thing anymore. 

“Uh, somewhere in California.” 

More hands shot up and suddenly Derek felt like he was a teacher trying to herd his kindergarten students toward the appropriate discussion. He was also trying to remember when he’d signed up to babysit all these dumb-dumbs, but he knew he didn’t actually have a choice. 

And his reasoning still stood. If they asked all the inane questions now, they wouldn’t do it later to the poor girl who was uprooting her whole life to reintegrate with a family she had never, ever met. 

“How’d they find her?” Stiles asked next.

“No idea,” he answered truthfully. 

“Was she with a family? Or just, like, in foster care?” Lydia inquired. 

“Uh, a family. She’s eighteen, like Bella, so she wouldn’t have been in foster care. Listen, guys, I get it. This is a lot, but just be good. Don’t act like… ya know, yourselves, and you should be fine. Don’t bombard this girl. She has no idea what’s going on either. If you need more info, I’ll give it to you. Deal?”

They all nodded and started up their side conversations again, joking around like nothing had happened. He guessed for them, it probably felt that way. 

“Is she supposed to know about us? Or the Cullens?” Jackson blurted out. 

“Oh, a good question from Jackson. Someone get him a Milk-Bone,” Derek teased. “No. Bella does not want her to know. She is human. She is going to stay human. And the less she knows, the better. Got it?” 

“So, like, no phasing in front of her?” Lydia implored. 

“Do it,” he dared. “See what happens.”

He bared his teeth to show the seriousness, but they didn’t even flinch. Derek was starting to think he was losing his touch, but as their Alpha, he knew that wasn’t really possible either. 

“Now, who’s on watch tonight?”

“I traded with Lydia,” Jackson announced. “I got a date tonight.”

“What?” Stiles whined. “I thought it was our date night.”

“I wanted two nights off in a row,” Lydia reported. “Two. Whole. Nights.”

Both Scott and Allison crinkled up their noses at the thinly veiled sexual tension between their friends and Derek turned away from the table as quickly as possible. 

As much as he appreciated all their hard work and their ability to mostly stay out of trouble, he did not want to think about them doing _that_. It was already weird enough to have it floating around his head when he was phased after someone forgot to think about literally anything else. He didn’t need help with them just saying it in front of everyone. 

There had to be _some_ boundaries. 

“All right. Go,” he said, waving his hand in dismissal. 

They all stood up, chairs scraping loudly across his floor, as they hurried out the door. Their conversation slowly faded and he sunk into the nearest armchair, not ready for tomorrow in the least. 

With no new leads from the Cullens on Victoria and Bella’s house under constant surveillance, it was a wonder he ever slept. And even when he did sleep, it was constantly interrupted by nightmares of losing one of his pack. 

Something he couldn’t afford and knew he’d never survive. They were his family. And he didn’t have any of that left otherwise, besides Peter, his wife, and their kids, but they didn't live close anymore. So this really did feel like this was all he had sometimes. 

He closed his eyes slowly as he listened to them start their cars and peel out of his driveway, shaking his head again. 

He had to trust they’d keep themselves safe and that there was enough self-preservation tucked away inside all that teenage bravado to keep them from doing anything extraordinarily stupid. 

Well, he prayed, anyway.


	4. wildflowers

Bella stared at Charlie as the words hung in the air. She couldn’t think of anything else to do. Nothing about what had just happened made any sense, but Charlie was waiting for her to respond. As if she might know how. 

“Bella,” Charlie finally began, “please say something. I know this is hard to process.”

“Hard?” she said skeptically. “Try impossible.”  
  
The phrase was simple enough. You’re a twin. But it was also completely and totally ludicrous. And her brain wasn’t willing to let it be true, even though in her heart she knew Charlie wouldn’t joke about something like this. 

There would be no point. 

But it boiled down to one thing: Charlie and Renée had lied to her. They had lied and now they were coming clean. Again, an obvious and reasonable concept. Except it was anything but either of those words. 

“How could you keep this from me?” Bella whispered, snapping out of her stupor slightly. 

“I know you’re mad,” Charlie said, getting up finally and pacing a few feet away into the living room. 

She turned in her chair, following him with her eyes before getting up too. “I’m in shock,” she corrected, unable to stop the tears from forming. 

Then it hit her. They were coming clean. Now. Today. Something had changed. Something big. Something important. Something that would alter the course of her whole life. “Why… why are you telling me this _now_?”

“There’s been a recent… development,” Charlie responded slowly. “Someone, uh, found her.”

Bella couldn’t stop the way her mouth dropped open with an audible pop next. Shock was now her primary emotion. Her _only_ emotion.“Found her? She’s… alive?”

“Yeah. Of course. Do… do you think I’d tell you all this if the news was anything different?”

“I have no idea what you’d do anymore,” she announced truthfully. Charlie nodded and hung his head as she came to stand in front of him. “But tell me there’s more to this story or I’m leaving.” 

Charlie stood stopped pacing the minute she threatened to walk out and sat down hard on one end of the couch. In the past year alone, she’d done that twice in one way or another, and she didn’t miss the way the hurt flickered across his face for the smallest second. She deserved that, even if it had always been to protect him, but right now she didn’t care. Her parents had kept a whole other person from her. A person that was her _sister_. They had lied. And no excuse was going to make that okay. 

But she wanted the story regardless. They owed her that. They owed her the fucking truth. 

“Bella, I’ll tell you whatever you wanna know, but if you’re not ready to listen, I’ll understand. It’s just... she’s coming here. In a few days or weeks, and you can be pissed at me, but she doesn’t deserve that, so…”

“You think I’d be mean to her?” Bella asked, interrupting him harshly. “You really think I’d do that? I have no clue what’s happening right now, but I assume she had no idea either, right?” Charlie shook his head. “And I’m guessing finding out your parents are lying isn’t a good feeling,” she replied sarcastically, “but I would imagine it’s worse to find out that they aren’t even your parents. So of course I’ll be nice. She’s my sister. I just… just wish… Well, it doesn’t matter. But I want the story, Charlie.”

She dropped all pretenses now. She didn’t want to bother with calling him Dad. He certainly hadn’t earned it, in her opinion, and Bella knew it was a tad melodramatic, but the anger that had flared up inside her was barely contained. These little jabs were keeping her from screaming in frustration and unleashing hell on an otherwise unsuspecting Charlie.

“Fine.” Charlie sighed. “Come. Sit.”

He took a deep breath and Bella found, as she did finally take a seat at the other end, that she suddenly wasn't as sure she wanted to know. 

That would make it real. More real than it already was, and without Edward here, she didn’t know if she was strong enough. 

“Okay, well, umm, I’ll just start back over. On the day you were born,” Charlie began to explain, “we were gonna go to Port Angeles to have you both, but well, that didn’t happen. Like I said, it was fast. Raining. The works.” Charlie swallowed hard and squared his shoulders. “A bunch of people came to visit you both over the next two days. Everybody. Even the Hales with Derek. Before his parents passed away.” 

Bella nodded when he looked up at her. She was trying to give him the strength to continue, though she had no idea if she had it within herself. He took another deep breath and started again. 

“The day I was supposed to bring everybody home, someone just walked into the hospital nursery and took your sister, Lily. The nurse said someone came in, said they were taking her to your mom to get ready, and then left.”

A single tear fell into Charlie’s lap as he ducked his head again, but Bella didn’t miss it. Even though he was clearly uncomfortable being that open with her, he was letting her in the smallest amount, and the depth of emotion there was staggering. He had only acted like this twice in her life and both times it left her breathless. 

Bella knew Charlie loved her, but the full extent he rarely showed anyone, not even her. It was just so strange to think that love extended to another person. 

“No one but the nurse saw her,” he continued. “She said she thought it was someone from your mom’s side. And I guess she walked right out the front door. We caught her on a few more cameras on the way outta town. This was a long time ago, so we didn’t have all the stuff we have now, so we lost her quick.” 

Bella reached out before she could stop herself and put her hand on top of Charlie’s, forcing him to look back up at her finally. She had no idea what to say, but she wanted to offer something. She just didn’t have the right vocabulary for this. 

Maybe no one did.

“When I got to the room, everyone from the station was there, and they were asking your mom questions. She was just sitting on the edge of the bed, all dressed and ready to go, rocking back and forth with you in her lap.” Charlie was looking at her as he talked now, but the thousand yard stare told her he was back there, fully immersed in that day. He shuddered slightly. “I didn’t know what to do… so I just kinda threw myself into finding her.”

“How, uh, how _did_ you find her?” Bella choked out. 

“Uh, it’s a little complicated, but I send out a new picture of what she might look like every year. A computer-generated rendering, I think they call it. They found her in California. A detective in her town contacted me and then we kinda did some investigative work together. About a week ago, she ran away, so she let them do some DNA tests. I sent mine in too, and that was it.” He swallowed hard again. “Well, it’s not _it_ , but it’s her.” 

Bella moved her hand back in her own lap slowly and that seemed to jolt Charlie back to the present. He blinked rapidly for a few seconds, the last couple of tears falling quickly. Too quickly for him to even wipe away before she saw. 

“What happens now?” 

“Uh, well, she’s eighteen, so she can go where she wants, obviously. But we still gotta go through courts to get documents and other stuff unsealed. She has no real ID or anything. They’re waiting on that now. And then she said she wanted to come here, so that’s where we’re at.”

“And she’s about to graduate too? She’d just, like, leave her friends like that?”

“I said I’d go there,” Charlie admitted. “I figured…”

“I could handle myself?” Bella guessed. 

“That the Cullens would let you stay with them while we worked everything out,” Charlie corrected. 

She nodded. “Okay, well, I can still go over there. I know this place is a little small, so if she’s wanting her own room, ya know, without a stranger in it, I’d understand. I can stay in Alice’s room.”

“No,” Charlie said firmly. “No, please. She said that was fine. I just want…” 

His voice got quiet at the end until it disappeared entirely. Bella had no idea why he was being shy now. He’d just cried in front of her. For Charlie, that was as bad as it got. 

Or so she thought. 

“I just want both my girls here. Under one roof. It’s only a few more months before you both disappear again, or at least _you_ do, so just for a few months. Please.”

He couldn’t meet her eyes as he asked this of her and she could tell what it was taking it out of him to do so, to admit that to her. 

Even with as angry as she was, how livid she had become, she couldn’t find the will to deny him. She didn’t have children, so she couldn’t understand the hurt and pain there, and with the life she’d chosen, she’d never fully grasp it either. 

And if this was what he needed to let her go properly, she could give it to him. She might not be able to tell him the truth, but he had guessed correctly. She would be disappearing soon. She had to let him have a few months. One last thing before she let him fade out of her life forever. 

Maybe with Lily here, a new daughter, one that wouldn’t choose a life he could never be a part of, he would be okay. It had been Bella’s one worry in this whole mess. Well, not her one worry, but the biggest one.

She would do this. For him. 

“Okay, Dad,” she finally agreed. “That’s fine. We’ll figure it out.”

Then she got up and headed back into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and began to make dinner like it was any other night. Sure, thoughts were whirling around her brain at an alarming rate, but she had to do it this way. If her entire world was determined to turn itself upside down, she had to right it herself, if only for a second. 

After a minute, Charlie got up too and walked into the kitchen behind her as she worked. “I hope one day you can forgive me for this, Bells,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. “At least that’d make one of us.”

He hovered for another second, probably waiting for her to acknowledge his sentiment, but she couldn’t do it. Not without crying. Then he went up the stairs and to his bedroom. When she heard the door close, Bella slid down to the floor in a pool of her own tears. She rested her head on her knees and sobbed as quietly as possible. 

When the phone rang, she jumped a little, wiped her face, and picked up the receiver. But as she put it to her ear, she noticed Charlie had already answered it and was talking to her mom. She wanted to hang it back up. She knew she should, in fact, but she couldn’t make herself. 

“Yeah. I told her.”

“Is she mad?” Renée asked. 

“Yeah, she’s mad,” he stated plainly. “I just wish I’d figured out sooner how to look for Lily and be a good father at the same time. Maybe…”

Bella replaced the phone back on its hook before she could hear the rest, not knowing if she wanted to know anymore. She tried to steady herself, willing herself not to break down again, when there was a light knock at the door. 

She knew it was Edward, but for the first time since she’d met him, she didn’t want to see him. She didn’t want to talk about this, but he’d figure out something was wrong very soon and want to drag it out of her. 

So she trudged to the door anyway, knowing there was no use in trying to keep it from him. If he didn’t know already from the way Charlie was talking upstairs, he’d find out soon.

She did the only thing she could and threw the door open, but kept her head down. She could only imagine how blotchy her pale complexion had become. She couldn’t exactly hide that she’d been crying. 

“Bella? What’s wrong?” Edward asked within seconds, rushing inside.

She wanted to be strong, pretend like nothing was the matter, but when he said those simple words, all dripping with worry, she fell apart again. Edward scooped her up in his arms, carrying her to the table and placing her in his lap as he sat down gently. He whispered words of reassurance as he kissed the top of her head, her temple, and any other place he could find as she cried into his chest. 

As her sobs quieted, Edward reached under her chin and lifted it up. “Sweetheart, please tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s, uh, a long story,” she admitted. 

“I have all the time in the world,” he replied, chuckling low. 

A small smile played on her lips as she spoke, but she knew it wasn’t reaching her eyes. “Later. I promise. I need to fix dinner now.”

Then she forced herself to get up from his lap, pushing her hair out of her face from where it had become matted to her cheeks. 

“Later, then,” he agreed, frowning as she looked away from him. 

She could tell already that he was hearing most of it from the one place she’d feared he’d overhear, but it was the gasp behind her that made her turn around again. Nothing surprised Edward, so it was clear he had discovered their little secret from Charlie and Renée upstairs.

Well, their _big_ secret. 

He pulled her into a hug from behind and kissed her temple again. “Later,” he said as a promise. “We’ll figure it out.”

She couldn’t help but let those words warm her up, especially since they had been her own a few minutes ago with Charlie. At least she had one person on this Earth who would never destroy her like that, and that was more than most people had.


	5. bad guy

Derek stood on the line of the Cullens’ property patiently waiting for Edward. It’d been longer than he’d been expecting to be here, but it wasn’t altogether unpleasant. He knew some of the others hated being this close, and he understood their reasoning, but most of it was arguments and reasons hung over from generations past. 

The gentle sounds of a brook nearby were about to lull him into a nap, which was why he was trying to remain standing with his back pressed against the towering tree trunk for as long as possible. He knew if he sat down, it’d be over. 

If he meditated, this would be nirvana. 

Someone cleared their throat nearby as soon as Derek closed his eyes, followed shortly after by a light chuckle. He smirked and lifted his head, finally opening his lids again. 

“Hey, man. How are you?”

Edward walked at a perfectly human pace as he approached Derek, his hands in his pockets. “I’m good. Have you spoken to everyone?”

“Yeah. Last night. How’s, uh, Bella doing?”

“She’s okay. She’s hurt. A little heartbroken, but she seemed okay this morning. She’s hanging out with Alice now. I’m pretty sure she’s distracted. Alice keeps trying to play dress up.”

Derek laughed and shook his head at the idea of that one. Bella had never really struck him as the type of girl to want to do those sorts of things, but he didn’t know her all that well either. When Edward had left the previous year, the guys her age had been the ones to swoop in and save her from herself while he made sure nothing got too out of hand. 

That had always been his job, apparently. 

“Are you all right?” Edward asked unnecessarily. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just… tired,” Derek lied. 

Edward nodded, as if he didn’t have a direct line to Derek’s thoughts. It was a nice gesture, but they’d dropped all this nonsense after they’d made it back from Italy in one piece. Derek assumed they were past this part. 

“I apologize,” Edward said. “It’s a habit. Pretending like I don’t know what someone is thinking. Esme thinks it’s not polite when it’s not family,” he explained. 

“Ah. Well, no need to worry. Not exactly family, but you can pick at my brain all you want. It’s not all that complicated.”

He felt Edward’s eyes on him as he started in again with his trademarked self-deprecating humor. “You don’t have to do that.” 

“I know,” he admitted. “It’s just easier.” 

“I understand.” 

Then they lapsed into silence again. Derek struggled to keep his mind blank, wanting Edward to take control of the conversation again. He hadn’t called their meeting, so he was dying to know the real reason for it. Derek seriously doubted it had anything to do with psychoanalyzing him. 

Edward chuckled at that thought. “No, nothing like that. I just wanted to know how much you all knew about Lily and that situation. Or if you’d heard of her before. Bella is asking an awful lot of questions I don’t have answers to, and while I can find them, I have always known that firsthand accounts are usually the most reliable.”

“Oh,” he answered lamely, not at all expecting that, “well, not really. I mean, I guess I went to see them in the hospital before my cousins were born, but I have absolutely no memory. And the one picture my dad had of them before, it was just Bella. Lily must’ve been in the nursery or something. But it was the next day, I guess. And then my parents were, like, a week after that. I blocked out the rest.”

Edward nodded along to his explanation, and Derek hated the idea of Bella asking all these questions no one could give her satisfactory answers to, since he’d felt that sting more than once over the years. It’s what had led him to joining the fire department in the first place. After the crash, that was who did remember. They were the helpers, as his mom had called them, and they had certainly filled that role for him after both his parents had died. 

It was nice having control over something in your life and keeping everyone safe. The fact that he had a little bit of an edge in that last department made it that much better. He felt qualified, in a way. 

“You are,” Edward agreed. “Uniquely qualified. I appreciate you keeping Bella safe too.”

Derek shrugged, very uncomfortable and not at all used to compliments. “It’s our job. She’s human. She lives in Forks. And she’s Charlie’s daughter. We would’ve done it whether you were here or not,” Derek said quietly. 

“But if I wasn’t here, you wouldn’t need to, and I understand that there’s a theory there would be no wolves still if it weren’t for me and my family.”

Derek barked a laugh at that comment. “Someone spilled the beans, huh?”

“Something like that.”

“Those idiots cannot keep shit to themselves,” Derek exclaimed in frustration. “It’s nothing, really. It’s just a theory from some of the elders in the pack line. You know how that can be. They’re old and convinced of their rightness. But it doesn’t mean they are.”

“I appreciate that, but you’re allowed to hate me, Derek. You’re the one that found her that day. I’d… hate me too,” Edward admitted, bowing his head. 

“I don’t hate you. I get it. I’d do the same thing.”

Edward looked back up at him slowly. “And according to the laws of imprinting, you’d be better at staying away than me too.”

He smirked at that and Derek rolled his eyes. “You already know what the fuck I think about imprinting.”

“Completely ludicrous?” Edward guessed correctly. He always guessed correctly. Mainly because it wasn’t a guess at all. “So, no imprinting for you, then?”

“The fact that it’s happened twice, and with humans both times, tells me that the legends are complete shit,” Derek argued. “It’s not gonna happen again. Definitely not for me. And even if it does, it doesn’t mean anything. I think their stuff is just because they’re teenagers. I think they’re just… confused.”

“You think it’s hormones?” Edward teased. “That’s an interesting approach to the phenomenon. But I don’t think it’ll excuse you from it.”

“Well, I’m not worried,” Derek grumbled, pushing off the tree finally. 

He was too broken to believe that someone could love him like that, or that he was capable of returning that love in a way that wasn’t destructive. 

“Did you, uh, have anything else?” 

“Oh, no. I just wanted to make sure everything was still okay, see if you’d heard anything from Victoria.”

Derek shook his head. “After a few weeks ago, no. She’s just… gone. It’s so weird. We were tracking her for so long and now there’s no trail. Nothing. I’m sure she’ll come back and try again, but it’s been quiet.”

“Don’t let your guard down,” Edward warned. “I imagine that’s what she’s counting on.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Derek answered with a smile. “Your loyal guard dogs.”

It was Edward’s turn to roll his eyes at that one. “You are not a guard dog, Derek.” 

“Thanks, man. But seriously, I’ll call you. The minute I hear anything,” he tacked on. 

“Thank you,” Edward replied, much more formally. “And thank you for coming out here. I know it’s not easy.”

“Eh. It’s not so bad. I can’t hear my morons out here. Kinda nice.” 

Edward chuckled once more. “I’d shake your hand, but…”

“Don’t wanna smell like wet dog, huh?”

“Not really,” he said, wrinkling his nose for effect. “Oh, and make sure you keep them out of Seattle for a little bit. We’ve been watching it up there and it seems like it’s getting out of hand. Carlisle and I are discussing our next moves this weekend.”

“Cool. Cool. Thanks. I will.”

“Derek,” Edward said. 

Even though they were at least ten feet apart, he said Derek’s name at a completely normal volume. Neither of them needed to shout to be heard or understood. And with Edward, Derek didn’t even need to talk out loud, though he was glad he always gave him the opportunity. 

“Hmm?”

“You’re not too broken.” 

Derek’s eyebrows furrowed for a second as he thought of something to say, realizing he didn’t really need to respond. It was a nice gesture of goodwill, and with the way Edward spoke with timeless confidence it almost made him believe it, but it was too ingrained into who he was as a person. 

It was going to take way more than an immortal teenager to undo years’ worth of damage on his psyche. 

Edward laughed lightly like he had at the start of their conversation and then turned on his heel to leave, only letting his hand leave his pocket to offer a small wave as he turned back to his house. 

After a few seconds, Derek turned in the opposite direction and headed back to his pack. Back to his responsibilities. Back to the only life he’d ever known. 

On a normal day, he would’ve been bored. Maybe even taken a nap with the way the clouds were hanging so low, but he was starting to see there was no such thing as normal in Forks, Washington anymore.


	6. 24/7

_Edward_. 

_Edward_. 

_Edward_. 

His eyes never shifted, but he was getting progressively irritated the more Stiles ‘called’ his name. The boy knew how distracting he was being, and since Edward’s whole goal for remaining in school was to make sure he could be with Bella and stay in Forks as long as possible, he knew Stiles was doing it just to irritate him. 

Edward knew all this, and yet, he couldn’t keep his face as passive as he wanted as he listened to Mr. Birdie ramble. 

_Edward. Is Lily coming today? I heard Charlie’s pickin’ her up. She’s coming, right? Blink twice if she’s coming._

Edward’s tongue darted out to lick his lips as he tried to keep his breathing even. The last thing any of them needed was Edward having an outburst over an annoyance only he could hear. They didn’t need anyone looking closer than they already were with Bella by his side. 

He also made sure he didn’t blink too fast, not wanting Stiles to take anything he was doing as an answer to his questions. 

As far as Edward knew, Lily would be going straight back to Charlie’s from the airport and waiting for Bella to get home. Which was exactly why Bella’s knee was bouncing rapidly as she kept glancing at the clock. 

They were in their second class, so this was going to be a long day for her if she kept it up like this. And Bella was exactly who he should be concentrating on. 

Stiles knew this. 

For lack of a better phrase, he was being a little shit, just like Derek always said. Of course, when Derek said it, it was a term of endearment. 

Edward couldn’t help but smirk at the thought that he and Derek had at least this much in common. Whereas Derek watched them after class, like some sort of glorified babysitter, Edward did it in school, and they just traded off until their adoptive children were mostly subdued each evening. Almost like two reluctant supernatural parents, struggling to make it to bedtime each night when they could tuck them in and watch over them sleeping peacefully only to do it again the next day. 

Lately, though, bedtimes were nonexistent and someone was always on watch. Edward desperately hoped that was going to be over soon, since he wasn’t sure Derek’s blood pressure went much higher. In fact, if he wasn’t capable of such quick healing, Edward would’ve been worried about him doing real damage to his heart. 

_Edward_. 

Edward took a deep breath and steadied himself, placing a hand on Bella’s knee to slow her movement, forcing himself not to acknowledge Stiles in any way. Bella didn’t look his way when Edward touched her, but her cheeks turned a gorgeous scarlet shade as embarrassment overtook her for a second. Like it always did. And it faded just as quickly as Bella leaned over her notebook to try and concentrate. 

He appreciated her effort, but he knew it was a lost cause. 

The real problem was that she had no way of knowing what her sister was like, or if she was even someone she could live with for an extended period of time. Edward had explained the anxiety was more than justified, but she wasn’t really looking for a resolution when they talked anymore. She just needed him to listen, for the most part. 

Edward had done his own research on Lily, of course, to make sure there were no safety concerns, but it didn’t account for any personality clashes. 

Bella was perfect to him in every way, but he knew that didn’t extend to everyone. And he was fine with that. But if Bella and her sister didn’t get along, it would devastate her, and Edward was sure the familial implications were what really had Bella all jittery. 

She always took way too much on, shouldered too much of the burden, so it made sense she would be more worried about upsetting Charlie or her mom. It’s just the way her mind worked, though he couldn’t be as sure as he was with anyone else. He only knew the inner workings of her mind when she told him directly. The rest would always be guesswork. 

Edward’s head was pointed slightly toward Bella, trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible as class continued on like today was any other day, and then the door opened. 

As with every other day of his life since Bella had come to be with him, he only cared about her well-being and what she was feeling, so he ignored Mr. Birdie’s conversation with the receptionist that had stepped into their classroom.

Edward took that moment, knowing their teacher was thoroughly distracted, to reach out and tuck a piece of stray hair behind Bella’s ear while they waited. He always hated when she shielded him from the most beautiful view he’d ever seen, even if it was unintentional. 

She gave him a small smile, but still didn’t fully look his way, and he was starting to let his curiosity get the better of him as he worked to tune out everyone’s thoughts, which were now in a frenzy. Whoever had walked through the door with the receptionist was clearly exciting them, but it was Jackson’s thoughts that jolted him out of his internal monologue about Bella’s beauty. 

That’s _Bella’s sister? Ho-ly shit. Lydia is gonna shit a brick. RIP Stiles._

Edward looked Jackson’s way in time to see him mouth a semi-sincere ‘sorry’ at Stiles for some reason before he looked back up to the front desk. 

Edward did the same, but it all seemed like slow motion to him now. 

And then there she was. 

Jackson’s reaction wasn’t entirely off the mark. She was conventionally attractive, and there were certainly parts of Bella sprinkled in there that made him intrigued, but she was not his Bella. 

Not with that hair. 

Not with that make-up. 

There were no other two people on the planet who could be any less similar, in fact, than Bella and her sister. 

_Fraternal? Is that the one? ‘Cause they sure as hell aren’t identical_ , someone thought. 

The chatter, both internal and external, was reaching a crescendo as Edward turned back to Bella, hoping to get her attention and warn her so she wasn’t blindsided about the time Mr. Birdie brought all the hushed whispers back to order. 

“Class, this is Lily Swan.” 

Everyone sat up straighter at the mention of her name and Bella’s head shot up too. Her light gasp caught mostly in her throat as she took her sister’s appearance in. 

Mr. Birdie didn’t offer anything else in the way of an introduction as he motioned for Lily to find an open seat. Lily walked gracefully down the aisle made by the long desks on either side. 

Lily’s bleached blonde hair was the first thing Edward was sure Bella noticed. It was certainly hard to miss, as it was wholly the result of a number of chemicals he was sure were bad for anyone. Or rather, bad for humans. 

Then he imagined Bella was counting the piercings next. None of them were outrageous or inappropriate, from what he could see, but there were a lot more than Bella had. His Bella didn’t even have her ears pierced, whereas Lily had several pieces of jewelry in each. 

Her nose was also pierced, but Edward knew that wasn’t the part that was probably distracting Bella right now either. 

No, that would be the tattoos. 

The girl only had on a white spaghetti strap shirt and intentionally and expertly faded jeans with several strategically placed holes, causing the tattoos on her arms and thighs to be on full display. There were only a few, and they were all minimalistic in nature, but it definitely gave most of the male population in this classroom an idea of who she was as a person. Though Edward assumed they were all way off base. 

Not that he could be sure. 

Just like with Charlie, Edward wasn’t getting much of anything, and he doubted that’s because her mind was quiet. 

Her eyes were darting around, taking in the different people staring at her, trying not to keep that eye contact for long. Despite her appearance, and the bravado she was trying to exude, she seemed painfully shy. 

Maybe she was more like Bella than his first impressions gave away. 

Then he imagined himself wading through a sea of voices trying to find Lily’s and coming up short. As frustrating as it had been with Bella, it was even more frustrating now. He could hear something. A faint whisper maybe, but nothing else. 

Bella scooted over to give her some space to sit down and forced Stiles to give up the empty seat next to him so she could sit next to her sister. Stiles didn’t seem to want to let the chair go, but a low growl from Edward fixed that quickly. 

Thankfully, Lily missed most of the exchange, or at least Edward hoped, by the time she made it to the back of the class. Mr. Birdie was oblivious as always, doing some sort of paperwork while they figured all this out. 

Stiles folded his arms over his chest as Bella smiled up at Lily. “You can sit here,” she offered sweetly. 

“Thanks,” Lily said as quietly as possible. “You’re, uh, Bella, right?”

Bella nodded and then turned back to Edward, who was watching everything without bothering to pretend to breathe. For one thing, he had no idea if he could. He wasn’t sure if Lily’s blood would sing to him the same way Bella’s had, or if that was even possible twice, but he didn’t want to find out. 

One class spent thinking of intricate ways to get Bella alone to murder her was one too many, and he was sure Bella would agree. Especially when it came to her long-lost sister. 

Lily began to pull out her books and place them on the desk before turning to face the front, as if this wasn’t her first day in a brand new town. As if she hadn’t been stolen from here when she was a mere two days old. She was trying to act as if this didn’t bother her, but again, Edward had no idea why that would be because he could barely make out her voice. 

It was like no one was sitting with them. 

_Tell your girlfriend she’s the worst_ , Stiles complained. _I wasn’t gonna bite. She could’ve sat with me. There’s more room over here._

Edward bit his lip to keep from chuckling at Stiles’ petulant behavior over Bella hogging what he thought of as the new toy and turned to face the front too. It was his place only to be a silent observer, stepping in if absolutely necessary. And outside of physical harm, nothing would be _absolutely_ necessary. 

Edward and Bella had talked about it at length over the last week. While he didn’t agree, he had promised to respect her wishes as much as possible. As far as he saw it, he was only trying to protect her, but Bella had put her foot down and he had no choice but to respect that. 

_I thought she had red hair_. 

Edward’s eyes darted in Stiles’ direction without meaning to since he brought up an interesting point. This had been common knowledge, and somehow everyone had failed to mention her appearance. It wasn’t that she had done anything ridiculous or particularly scandalous, but it seemed odd not to talk about it at all either. 

He finally shrugged and then Stiles did the same before he went back to copying notes from the board, the same as Bella and Lily, as Edward carefully examined the bits and pieces of the two girls to his right in hopes of unraveling the mysteries of the situation… and their minds. 

Then a faint whisper came through. He could hear her. But only barely. 

_Don’t mess up. Don’t mess up. Don’t mess up._


	7. broken ribs

Lily stepped out of the old truck’s cab and directly into the soggy grass. Any other time, she’d be irritated by this, but somehow here, it made the whole situation more homey. She was home, and that was something that was harder to get used to than she’d envisioned. 

She’d never seen Beacon Hills as anything more than something she needed to escape. Now she knew it was because those weren’t her parents and she wasn’t where she needed to be, but she could’ve never in a million years guessed where that feeling would take her. 

Forks, Washington wasn’t exactly glamorous, and it was over three hours to the nearest major airport, but she didn’t feel suffocated like she might somewhere else. In this place, it felt right. She felt at peace. Though she was still incredibly nervous and trying to determine if Bella hated her or not. 

She smiled at her every time she looked Lily’s way, but there was something behind her eyes that Lily couldn’t place. A secret she was holding onto that Lily felt like she wasn’t ever going to be trusted with. 

She wanted to pretend like it didn’t hurt. But it did. Just a little. And since she had no proof, Lily knew it was silly to let that particular thought get too far away from her either way. She never imagined she’d have siblings, so the idea that she might not be close to Bella after they were basically already grown and meeting for the first time in their lives shouldn’t bother her. 

But again, it did. 

Lily clutched her books to her chest as they traipsed through the grass toward the front door. By the time they got to the steps, the bottom of her jeans were soaked, and she was a little cold, but it didn’t bother her like it should. 

Edward pulled up just as they made it inside and Bella stayed by the front door to let him in. Lily walked into the little kitchen to the left of the front door and smiled at Charlie, who was waiting in the tiny living room with Renée. 

Charlie switched off the TV, but Lily wished he hadn’t, because now all the attention was on her again. She desperately wanted to just work on getting used to all the changes, not focusing on trying to make everyone like her. 

They either would or they wouldn’t, and she couldn’t do anything to help that process along. A little mantra she had invented to keep herself from going crazy before she’d come here. Something she’d come to learn at her last school and with her  _ other _ family. And a hard-earned lesson at that. 

She forced herself not to shiver from the memories that were wrapped up in that last thought. It was better left alone, especially here. They were letting her start over and she wanted to. She  _ needed _ to. 

“Hey, hun,” Renée said softly. “Wanna come sit in here and tell us all about your first day?”

“Oh, uh, sure.”

“Mom, can I take her up to the room first?” Bella interrupted. 

“Of––of course, Bells. Go ahead,” Charlie answered. 

Bella smiled gently at her again as they headed up to the room in question, leaving Edward with their parents. The old stairs creaked loudly as they made their way, but it didn’t take long until they were standing in a brightly lit space with two twin beds. Both seemed fairly new and the white hot guilt that washed over Lily was brutal. 

She hated the idea that they were changing their lives for her. Bella especially. It wasn’t  _ her _ fault that Lily had been yanked away from her real life so early, but here Bella was literally making room for her to fit into her world anyway.

The tears stung Lily’s eyes, but she forced them to stay put as she took in the rest of the room. 

It was small, but that was fine. Actually, it was perfect. The matching light purple bedspreads and accents made it feel more open somehow. And the deep greens brought the feeling of the woods that surrounded the house inside, making her feel even more safe. 

Regardless, Lily knew that it would be harder to swallow the guilt now because her safety had never been anyone’s priority before. She had never been  _ anyone’s _ priority. 

“They brought up your stuff,” Bella offered, pointing to the end of the bed Lily guessed was hers. “And you can change if you want. I always have to. It’s just so… wet and gross here.” Lily smiled and almost laughed as her eyes darted around the room. “I’m gonna go pull my hair up and get back downstairs before Charlie rails into Edward.”

“O––okay,” Lily stuttered. 

“Come down whenever you’re ready, okay? I’m making spaghetti tonight. If that’s okay.”

“That’s… that’s great. I love spaghetti.”

“Good. That’s good,” Bella answered awkwardly.

Bella nodded once and then walked out of the room, her hands in her back pockets as if she wasn’t sure quite what to do with them. When Lily heard her walk into the bathroom, she sat on the end of her bed and put her books down on the pillows at the head. 

She then toed her white Converse off, now a lovely shade of brown at the bottom, and started to pull out the clothes she’d brought with her, looking for something more comfortable. Maybe not as comfortable as she wanted, but better than the rough denim she had on. 

As happy as she was to be here, she knew she didn’t have the things she needed to survive the weather. She was tempted to ask Bella to borrow a jacket for tomorrow, but she wasn’t sure she was brave enough yet. 

Her mind was bouncing around all over the place, and so were her emotions. She was both happy and nervous. She was content and full of shame and guilt. She couldn’t seem to get ahold of any one feeling and stick to it, but she assumed that was part of the process. Of course, she had no one to ask, but it sounded like it could be right. 

She wanted to stay in the room for a while longer, just taking in the different aspects of her sister’s life that she had missed, but she didn’t want to encroach on her territory for longer than was necessary either. Lily didn’t want to step over any invisible boundary lines with the person she was now sharing a room with all of a sudden. 

After finding a pair of flannel printed leggings, she rummaged around for any long-sleeved shirt she might have. She came up empty, like she knew she would. There had rarely been a need for that kind of thing in Beacon Hills––it was way too hot most of the time––but right now she would kill for a sweater. 

She put her long hair up in a ponytail and settled on a simple black shirt with a small pocket and started out the door again when something caught her eye. It was grey, and mostly blended into the background of the room, but when she pulled it up, it was impossible not to get emotional. 

There on her bed was a sweatshirt. 

It was nothing special and it was absolutely everything to her. It read Forks, Washington Welcomes You and it was the same style of writing she’d seen on the sign as they rode into town earlier that morning. 

Lily pressed it into her face and breathed deeply, inhaling the scent she knew could only be Renée. The perfume was the same sweet and tangy blend she remembered when she’d gotten off the plane. Renée had been the first through the crowd, almost breaking several laws to get behind the gate to see her. 

At the time, she laughed a little at her enthusiasm, but now she knew that even though they didn’t know each other, Renée was her mother. And she was everything a mother should be. She had clearly carried this close to her chest until the last possible moment when Charlie probably forced her to put it down so they could scan it and pay for it.

She could see the whole scene so clearly in her mind. A trick she used to play when she was younger when she had invented a whole other life for herself to distract from the real one she was loving. 

But now it was true somehow.

And Lily could already tell this would be something she’d treasure forever. The start of a tradition, she hoped, but that was just another thing she was too scared to ask directly. 

Maybe with time. 

She slipped it over her head quickly and forced her arms through the sleeves as she smiled through the tears streaming down her face. Then she headed out the door and to the bathroom before someone saw her, knowing she desperately needed to fix her make-up. 

Or maybe just take it off. As long as they couldn’t tell she’d been crying too hard, she’d be fine. 

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been without make-up in any situation. Even at home. But it felt like it might be okay to do now. Laying in her bed about to go to sleep was the only time she had been allowed before, but Bella’s bare face told Lily she was allowed to look however she pleased, so she might as well take advantage, she reasoned. 

She picked up a washcloth from the side of the sink where they were stacked and got it wet. With trembling hands she stripped off the only mask she knew. It was harder than she thought it might be, but freeing nonetheless. A new feeling she wasn’t used to, and one she would make room for. 

Lily felt lighter somehow as she came back down the stairs. It probably helped that she now found herself wrapped up in her new—and only—sweater, ready to officially sit down to a family meal for the first time in her life. 

And as long as she could quiet her racing mind, she might make it through the night. 


	8. burn marks

“You _really_ can’t hear her?” Bella asked again, making sure to stay quiet since Lily was only a few feet away. “How do you know she’s asleep then?”

“Her breathing,” Edward explained in a whisper. “It’s even. Her heart rate is low. And it’s just like how I know you’re sleeping. Unless she’s very, very good at faking it, I think we’re safe. Though I’m sure _you’re_ going to regret this in the morning.”

“I’m fine,” Bella huffed. “Did you talk to Alice yet?”

“Of course.”

She forced herself to take deep, languid breaths as she waited for him to respond, but he never did. Bella could tell he was keeping something from her and she hated it.

“And?” she finally asked. 

“Bella, go to sleep,” he commanded “We can talk about this tomorrow. Nothing is going to happen. Lily is not running away, okay?”

She sighed heavily and pulled away from Edward. For someone who couldn’t read her mind, he did an awfully good job at guessing most of the time. 

“How can you _tell_ , though? You can’t hear her, Alice can’t see anything, and even Jasper said he couldn’t tell how she was feeling at school today. Remember?” 

Edward chuckled lightly and pulled her back across his chest. “Calm down. Please. Everything is fine. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere either, okay? I’ll be able to tell if she’s sneaking out. I promise to wake you up. Just… get some rest.” 

Bella rolled her eyes, but apparently Edward didn’t need to be looking at her to know when she’d done that because she could feel the deep rumblings of laughter in his chest again. 

“We could always talk about what _you’re_ feeling?” Edward suggested. 

“What do you mean?” she countered easily. 

He was deflecting. She could tell, but she wasn’t going to fall for it. Or, at the very least, she was going to make him work for it. 

“Your twin sister suddenly appeared in your life after eighteen years of assuming you were an only child. Surely you must have… some feelings about that.”

She shrugged, though with his tight grip around her middle, it was harder than usual. “We already talked about this,” she said. “What else is there to say? She’s, uh, quiet. I guess. She’s nice, though. Stiles and the guys like her. Even Erica seems to like her, and she hardly likes anyone. I’m not sure about Lydia, but she’s playing nice, at least. And Allison’s gonna do whatever Lydia says, so…” 

“What about _you_ , Bella?” Edward insisted. 

"What about me?” Bella asked again, unable to keep the exasperation out of her voice. “She’s my sister. I love her already. I loved her before I even knew her. That’s how this works. Of course it’s weird, or whatever, but that’s just my life. In the grand scheme of things, twin sister I knew nothing about isn’t in the top ten wildest shit to happen to me since I moved to Forks, all right? I mean between you guys and finding out about Derek’s pack last year, it’s kinda nice to have another human around.”

Edward seemed to chew on her words for a second before he shrugged too. Bella took that to mean he mostly agreed with her assessment, though she wasn’t sure why he’d argue it. Forks had turned out to be the most interesting place she could’ve possibly moved to, though the little town itself gave nothing away at first glance. 

And hopefully, for Lily’s sake, it would always keep its more sinister and darker secrets to itself. Being on the other side only paid off when you got something in return. Simply being the human caught in the crossfire without a lot to anchor you to the turmoil only ended badly. 

“I’m a little nervous,” Bella finally found herself admitting in the darkness. “But only because I have no idea why my mom is still here.”

“It’s her daughter too,” Edward reasoned. 

“Oh, I know. It’s just that… she _hated_ Forks. Literally the entire time I was growing up, that’s all I heard. It’s why I finally said I wasn’t gonna come back here and Charlie could visit me instead. She was so depressed every time she talked about it. I’m 99% sure she’ll die without a certain amount of sunshine or something.”

Edward laughed again, still too quiet for anyone else in the house to hear. He moved his hands behind his head and propped himself up as Bella wove her hands around his marble-like figure. 

“Bella, you are the most ridiculous person I have ever met,” Edward observed. “You do realize your reactions are never typical, right?”

She poked her bottom lip out slightly. “I thought you liked that about me.’

Edward moved one of his arms to put a finger under her chin and she was forced to look at him. “Bella, I do not like you,” he said, seeming to reprimand her. Her heart skipped a beat as she waited for him to finish his thought and destroy her whole world over again. “I love you with my whole heart.”

She smiled slowly as he bent forward, waiting for what felt like forever until their lips touched. Her breath left in a rush as it always did when he took her by surprise like this. She couldn’t find it in herself to regret it, though. The pure adrenaline and ecstasy in the otherwise effortless action made her wish that breathing was completely unnecessary. That way she could spend more time with his lips against hers. 

Of course, about the time their lips were moving together, Edward moved his head just enough to signal her that he needed to stop. And as much as she hated it, she obliged. The alternative was dangerous and she didn’t like the idea of him hurting so totally and completely over a kiss. 

She was selfish, that much was clear by the way she’d promised him forever recently, but she didn’t want him to be in any pain over it. 

It was just hard to remember rational things sometimes when he touched her like that. 

“You’ll tell me if it’s bad, right?” she whispered. 

“I promise.”

She nodded once, yawned wide, and then put her ear back to his chest. “Did you talk to Derek?’

“No,” he admitted. 

“Don’t you think he needs to know she’s here? That way they can watch her too?”

“He knows,” Edward said, kissing the top of her head. “How could he possibly go anywhere in Forks and miss that type of gossip? I mean, we’ve been unseated as the most popular topic of conversation in town for the first time since we started dating.”

“Good.”

“And he works with your father, Bella. He knows she’s here. And she is your sister. Of course they’re going to help her, okay?” 

“Good,” she repeated, her words slurring from sleep. 

Edward chuckled and started to sing her lullaby without any prompting. And like an automatic reaction to the sound, Bella’s eyes started to flutter closed. She wanted to keep them open, keep talking, but she found it harder and harder with each blink. 

And then she forgot why she was fighting in the first place as she found herself in the meadow, her favorite place on Earth. 

* * *

Derek snapped loudly in Scott’s general direction as he started to give him a more in-depth rundown of his day. It had gotten on his nerves about ten minutes into this particular storytelling episode, and that was two hours ago. 

It was really his fault, though, since he didn’t _need_ to patrol. He could’ve made someone else do it. He was the Alpha, but he was trying to be nice. He’d given all of them the night off besides Scott, since he hadn’t been out on patrol in over a week. 

Derek still didn’t know how he’d managed that, but he blamed Allison. That was usually his go-to move. 

_Scott!_

_What?_

_Please, for the love of God, shut up, man. Or phase or somethin’. I can’t take this shit anymore. I do not care what tattoos she has or what her smile looks like, and honestly, I don’t know why you do either, dude. You have Allison. You imprinted. Shut. Up._

_I_ don’t _care_ , he bristled. _I was just telling you because…_

_Because why, dude? None of it matters. I told you guys not to act a fucking fool._

_And I was showing you we didn’t. Geez._

Derek sighed and laid his head back down on the cold ground, staring up at Bella’s darkened window. He tried to focus on the task at hand, wanting desperately not to hear the pained edge to Scott’s thoughts now that he’d basically yelled at him. 

He deserved it. And Derek wasn’t about to get talked out of it now just because Scott was too soft. 

_Am not_ , Scott pouted, putting his head down too. 

Derek barked a laugh and shook out his shaggy coat as he tried to get comfortable. _Go home, Scott._

_No, it’s fine. I’ll be quiet._

_No, you won’t. And you’re tired._

_I’m fine_ , he repeated. _Besides, you know the rules better than anybody. It’s gotta be two people in case Victoria shows up._

 _Edward’s up there_ , he reminded Scott. _There’s three people here capable of handling things. You can go home. You have school tomorrow anyway._

 _I’m not gonna go home_ , he admitted willingly, letting images of his last few nights with Allison flood his mind.

_Ew, dude. Cut it out._

_I’m stayin’_. 

Derek rolled his eyes. _Whatever, dude. You’re the one who’s gotta stay awake in class tomorrow. Not me._

They lapsed into silence finally as they both stared up at the window now and let their other senses take hold too. 

_So everything else was good?_ Derek asked after a second. 

_Who’s not being quiet now?_

_Scott_ , he warned. 

_Yeah, everybody likes her. She’s sweet. Quiet. Kinda like Bella when she first showed up. But she sure doesn’t look like Bella._

_And no one bothered her, right? No one asked her out?_

_Nope_ , Scott answered proudly. _There was this one guy, but Stiles told him some lie about her being a lesbian or something, I think._

 _Oh my God_ , Derek started, sitting up slightly. _Are you fucking serious? That is not the way to handle things. What if she is? And you just, like, outed her? You cool with that? Because if she wants to beat your ass for it, I’m gonna let her._

_If she is, what’s the problem? If she’s not, she’s not gonna care. Either way, I’ll apologize if she gets mad. I can handle it, man._

_From now on, let’s not make assumptions, even to keep horny teenagers away, about people’s sexual orientations, okay?_

_Fine,_ Dad. 

Derek gave a low growl and Scott just let his tongue loll out of his mouth in kind of a goofy grin. 

_I hate you sometimes_ , Derek admitted. 

_Nah, you don’t. You love us too much._

_Whatever._

Even though they frustrated the hell out of him, Scott was right. He loved them all because they were his family. His big, dumb, idiot family. 

_Hey!_

_Phase or be forced to listen to my internal dialogue_ , Derek threatened. _And don’t be surprised when you hear shit you don’t like._

Scott stood up on all fours, his thoughts more of a grumbling mess as he phased back and slipped his shorts back on. 

“I’m going to Allison’s,” he announced. “Call me if you need me.” 

Derek nodded at Scott the best he could in his wolf form. 

“Promise?”

Derek huffed and laid his head back down. 

“See you tomorrow. Thanks, Derek!” 

He watched Scott hop on his dirt bike, hidden expertly in the woods by Bella’s house like it always was when he was patrolling. He backed it out onto the street without turning it on, making sure to put on a helmet, though it was completely unnecessary. 

When Derek was satisfied, he turned back to the house and saw Edward in the window now. At this point he was used to his sudden appearances there, always watching to see what was happening when it involved Bella, even in the smallest way, but in the beginning that shit had made him jump. He was happy to know it no longer bothered him or scared him like it used to.

Edward gave him a half-crooked smile and then fell back into the shadows of the room as Derek settled in for the long night ahead of him where, hopefully, his only company would be the small creatures that were running along the forest floor beside him.


	9. alone together

Lily watched closely as Edward and Bella walked in front of her, their eyes glued to each other as they talked quietly. 

It had only been a few days, but Lily had gotten over the initial shock of actually being here, to some degree, and had now found a new source for her anxiety: her sister and her sister’s boyfriend. 

She couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was about them that bothered her, which made it worse. She knew that this could probably be chalked up to her well-worn coping mechanisms no longer being needed, and the fact that her body craved the adrenaline it was no longer getting since her life wasn’t in constant upheaval. 

But it also felt bigger than that somehow. 

She had tried to ignore it, but as it dragged on she kept seeing little things that unnerved her. Now that everyone seemed to be in their own routines, and used to her being there, she had nowhere to direct her naturally nervous energy. She was still struggling to find her own routine too, which didn’t help. And she just couldn’t seem to focus on anything other than the crushing weight of being pushed to the side. 

Lily had assumed she would be ready for it this time. The feeling certainly wasn’t new, but it still stung. She didn’t expect life to revolve around her, though, and she hated being the center of attention, but she was about to lose her family again, her real one, and Bella was too busy being wrapped up in Edward. 

Alice popped into her peripheral suddenly on one side, Jasper on her other, and then Lydia joined the fray too as they all headed toward the cafeteria. 

The way all four hallways converged right here meant they were just together because they had no other way to get there. Not because anyone wanted to hang out with her specifically, she reminded herself. 

Not having to sit alone was nice, so she decided not to focus on the why and the other parts of the conversation that made her feel like a loser. 

“Hey, Lily,” Alice started, her pleasant high-pitched voice heard easily over the dull roar of the other students surrounding them. “How’s your day been?’

“Uh, good. You?”

“Good, thanks.”

Lily smiled at Alice awkwardly, and then to Jasper when no one else said anything, as they made their way through the double doors. Lydia and Allison were still chatting happily on her other side and got in line behind her, Bella, and the Cullens. 

“Hey, so me and Rosalie were wondering if you wanted to go hang out with us in Seattle soon?” Alice began again. “We figured we could take you shopping. I haven’t been in forever. And I know Rose is dying to meet you,” Alice rambled. 

“Oh, uh, sure. Rose is…” 

“My other sister,” Alice announced easily, turning back around as the line advanced. “She’s in town right now, back from college on a break.”

“Uh, sure,” Lily repeated. “Sounds like fun. Bella?”

“Hmm?” Bella asked absentmindedly as she stacked her tray with a variety of snacks. 

“Shopping trip in Seattle?” Lily asked, doing the same on her own tray, but not paying attention to what she was grabbing. 

“Uh, I don’t usually do shopping trips,” Bella admitted sheepishly. “But I don’t mind hanging out with you.”

“Me too,” Lydia announced behind them. “Girls’ trip?”

“That sounds like so much fun,” Alice said, practically skipping to her seat at their long table in the middle of the lunch room. “Allison, you’re going to come too, right?”

“Maybe,” Allison answered, smiling sweetly. "I have so many graduation announcements to get through." 

Lily paid for her food and then headed to the table, taking a seat next to Alice and across from Bella and Edward. Stiles and a few others started to pile in around them as well, but they were already in their own conversations. 

“No boys?” Jasper asked cautiously. 

“No,” Alice said forcefully. “Girls only. And you don’t wanna go anyway.” 

“I might,” he grumbled. 

“Boys can have a boys’ night,” Stiles offered. “Camping and stuff. Very manly. Bella, I assume you’re stickin’ with us.”

“No, I said I’d hang out with Lily,” she said, popping a fry in her mouth. 

“And since when are you particularly manly?” Jackson asked, winking at him. 

Stiles perked an eyebrow at Bella’s answer, ignoring Jackson’s jab, letting Lily know just how rare it was that Bella agreed to anything remotely seen as girly. She couldn’t help the blush that spread knowing that Bella was doing something she clearly didn’t like, and was well-known for not liking, just to hang out with her. 

She had to let her off the hook, as much as she appreciated the gesture. 

“Bella, you can stay here. I’ll be fine. I know you don’t like shopping. It’s really okay.”

Bella bit her bottom lip, obviously trying to figure out how to accept Lily’s invitation to refuse the makeover Alice clearly had planned for her and still not look like she would rather stay home than hang out with her newly discovered sister. 

“Are… are you sure?”

“Told ya,” Stiles mumbled, making Scott and Jackson snicker. 

“I’m fine,” Lily said, smiling at her. “It’ll be fun for me. But I love hanging out, trying on a ton of outfits, and getting my hair done. You, however, just shuddered at the thought of all that, so it’s really fine.”

Light laughter rose up from their table at Lily’s assessment, so she knew she was right. Bella’s face turned bright red at the insinuation, but she didn’t deny it either. 

“We’ll hang out when you get back. Just you and me,” Bella promised. 

“I’d like that.”

Lily’s eyes darted around as soon as the words were out of her mouth, as they had a lot more bite to them than she’d intended. And several people had noticed too. She had been getting increasingly aggravated every time something dealt with Edward, and she knew it all boiled down to the same thing. She had nothing else to concentrate on anymore outside of normal teenage worries. She was trying to find something there that didn’t exist to give herself something to be worried about, but knowing that hadn’t stopped her irrationally growing hatred for her sister’s boyfriend either. Maybe a night out of town would help her. 

She hoped. 

Alice wasted no time and immediately jumped back into the conversation, consulting Allison, Lydia, and now Erica as soon as she sat down, about where they should go first and what kind of clothes Lily was missing from her wardrobe that they’d need to concentrate on. 

As much as Lily hated this, she was used to it too. She’d been in beauty pageants before she could even walk. Letting people play dress-up with her was one of the few things she was good for, so she knew better than to protest. She couldn’t offer anything more to any of these friendships, and she was used to those being pretty vapid in nature. 

Again, as much as she hated it, this was her comfort zone. This was where she really shined. She had certainly rebelled against it the minute she had been given a chance. Anyone could see that just by looking at her, but she could walk a runway and apply make-up in her sleep. 

Not exactly resume-quality entries, but it worked for her. Most of the time. She could tell people were still feeling her out here, and what better way to show them she wasn’t some weirdo than to participate in a rite of passage for women everywhere: a shopping trip with the girls. 

She smiled a little bit brighter as she sat up straighter, finally digging into her lunch, listening to everyone chattering around her. She tried to quiet her mind as she locked eyes with Edward and could’ve sworn he could tell _exactly_ what she was thinking.


	10. sunshine riptide

“Girls,” Charlie called up the stairs. “Dinner.” 

When he came back around the corner, he saw Renée sitting in the living room smiling at him. She had her chin on the back of the couch, like he’d seen her do a million times before, and while he knew what she was thinking, he wanted to hear it too. 

“What?” he asked, setting out all the plates. 

“Nothing,” she lied. 

“Uh-huh. Spit it out,” he commanded with a wink. 

“It’s just… it’s like it’s always been like this, ya know? You, me, the girls.”

“How it should’ve been,” he corrected. 

He concentrated on putting the right silverware out as he tried not to let himself go too far into that line of thinking. It would make him sad. It would make both of them sad. And that’s not what he wanted anymore. He’d been sad for a long time. With Lily finally home, he’d given himself permission to be happy again. 

Besides, he reasoned, this was about Renée and her mess. And Charlie didn’t have to let himself get dragged down into her guilt. She regretted how she had handled herself, which he wasn’t sure he necessarily agreed with, but that was a situation so far removed for him. He didn’t have to let her pull him back to that time just because she was there mentally right now. 

“Yum,” Lily announced, coming around the corner and into the kitchen first. “Did you make this, Dad?”

“Nah. Bells did. She’s the cook around here. I just reheated it. I’m kinda glad I did that much without making a mess.”

Lily smiled easily and then sat down at the new makeshift table they had rigged up while Renée was in town. When she left again, it would be back to the same tiny table he had always had in here, albeit a bit more crowded with both the girls in the house, but he wouldn’t trade any of it for the world either. 

“Come on, Née. Dinner time.”

She sighed heavily and then joined them as Lily scooted in her chair. “Where’s Bells?”

Lily shrugged. “Texting _Edward_ , I think.”

She shrugged again as she started to eat, and Charlie certainly didn’t miss the tone of her voice when she talked about Edward. As much as he didn’t like his pull on Bella, he wasn’t sure how he felt about Lily having this sort of antagonistic behavior toward him. Charlie hadn’t witnessed anything that made him deserve it, but maybe he’d missed something. 

Or maybe she’d heard about Bella’s most recent issue involving Edward. Or even her last year. Or maybe what had happened when Bella had first showed up and been with Edward. 

Now that Charlie thought about it, maybe her behavior was warranted. 

“How was school today, Lily?” Renée asked as she sat down too. 

“Mom, you don’t have to do that every day,” Lily said, laughing softly. “It’s high school. Forks is tiny. Literally nothing happens here.” 

“So true,” Renée said dramatically, making Charlie roll his eyes. 

Plenty happened, just not the kind of stuff Renée _wanted_ to happen. She had always had bigger dreams than he could fulfill, but he had also assumed he was good enough to step in when the other stuff fell through. 

Clearly, he’d been wrong. He wasn’t good enough. He knew it the whole time they were dating, but it was still hard to swallow sometimes. Especially when she had visibly moved on and he was still stuck. 

Well, not in all the ways, he reminded himself as he watched Lily for a second out of the corner of his eye. 

“Oh, Alice wants to take me and some of the girls from school shopping, if that’s okay,” Lily said, looking to Charlie for an answer. 

“Sure. Sure. Where at?”

“Seattle.”

“Oh, uh…”

“I don’t have to go,” she interjected quickly. 

“No, it’s not… that. I just… Seattle is havin’ some problems lately with crime. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

And while he wasn’t necessarily lying when he said those words, it still felt like it might come off that way because the problem was so much deeper than that for him. He knew better than to insert himself, though, since she had grown up without him, even if that hadn’t been his intention. At the end of the day, she could handle herself. She _had_ handled herself. He didn’t get to step in now and play the Dad card. 

Or maybe he did. 

God, this was harder than he thought it would be trying to find his footing. He wanted Renée to jump in and say something, anything, slightly parental, but she remained silent as she stared down at her plate, pushing around her food. 

“I can stay closer?” Lily offered. 

Charlie shook his head. “No, that’s okay. You can go up to Seattle. Just be careful. Keep your phone charged all the time for me. And call a bunch. Don’t go off by yourself. Please.” 

“I can do that,” Lily said, her ears getting pink from embarrassment. 

He hated how obvious it was that she wasn’t used to people caring about her like this. It wasn’t fair that this child had endured so much trauma and pain at the hands of someone who had pretended to want her. It made his chest hurt in a way that would’ve sent him to the hospital under normal circumstances. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Bella said, interrupting his train of thought. “Got distracted.” 

Lily gave her a sweet smile as she sat down too and then went right back to eating with gusto. Charlie couldn’t help but draw parallels between them, even though she looked more like Renée. Granted, her bright blonde hair always threw him off, but underneath all the veneer, he could definitely see Renée there too. 

“Bells, you going shopping too?” Charlie asked, taking his first bite finally. 

“Uh, no. I have to help Allison with her graduation announcements,” Bella said slowly. “I was gonna talk to you first.”

She turned to Lily and she waved her hand dismissively, fork dripping sauce from the end back onto her plate. “Seriously, totally fine. I know you didn’t wanna go. It’ll probably be boring anyway for you.”

“Are you sure?” Bella asked. 

“Bella, it’s okay. It’ll still be me, Alice, Rosalie, I guess, and Erica, I think. Umm, maybe Lydia too. Which means Stiles will probably end up with us too,” she said, finishing with a laugh and a shake of her head at that idea. “I mean, he said he wanted to go camping, but can you see him detaching from Lydia long enough for that?”

“So true,” Bella answered with a laugh of her own. 

Charlie couldn’t help but smile at their interaction as they all finished their dinner in relative quiet. Every once in a while Renée would ask another pointless question both girls would give a non-answer to and then they’d dissolve into quiet again. 

Sure, Lily might look like Renée, but even with years of separation, she was definitely his too, and in the same way Bella usually was. They both liked quiet and being able to really sit with something, be it a feeling or whatever. It had always made Renée uncomfortable, so he wasn’t surprised to see her get all jittery and finish her plate quickly before going back to the living room as the girls ate luxuriously slow with him, not bothering to fill the silence unnecessarily. 

Finally, they did all finish, though, and Renée asked to see Lily on the porch. She agreed easily, but Charlie didn’t miss the way her shoulders tensed at the idea. Charlie trusted Renée implicitly, but he didn’t like the idea that Lily was already so wound up at such a simple request. 

It would either be totally fine, or someone was about to get their feelings hurt. He hated that he had no idea which way this was going to go since he couldn’t tell what topic Renée wanted to discuss. 

As soon as they were both outside, he turned back to Bella, pushing his plate back. “So, tell me the truth,” he started, “how’s Lily really doing?”

“Oh, uh, “ Bella said, dabbing the corners of her mouth with a napkin. “I think fine. She seems to be ahead in all her classes, like I was when I got here. She doesn't seem like she’s going to have a problem graduating or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“No. No, nothing like that. I’m just… I don’t know.”

“Worried about your daughter who was stolen from you?” Bella said, a smirk playing on her lips. “Shocking.”

“Oh, hush,” he complained, shaking his head. “Oh wait, almost forgot. Noah invited us out to his house for…”

“Some sport I don’t care about?” Bella asked, standing up to wash off her plate too. “Dad, I don’t mind going at all. It’s fun hanging out with everyone.”

“I just don’t wanna leave you girls at home by yourself. Not when you’re so close to leavin’ me. I feel guilty.”

Bella turned as she dried off her hands, smiling at him in the same sweet way Lily had done earlier. “You don’t need to feel guilty, Dad. We get it. And I want to come.”

He perked an eyebrow at her obvious lie. He knew that to Bella any time spent away from Edward was a waste, but he loved that she humored him anyway. 

“Thanks, Bells,” he whispered. “Think Lily will wanna come too?”

“Of course,” Bella said, walking back to the stairs, but not before giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “She loves all of them. And they love her too. It’ll be good.”

“Okay, Bells. Okay.”

He gave her one more smile as she lingered in the doorframe leading to the foyer, probably trying to strain to listen to the conversation outside just like he was without being super obvious. Then she nodded once and walked upstairs with a quick goodbye. 

He kept trying to hear what was going on outside, but he came up short. As long as it wasn’t shouting, he reasoned, he was probably okay to go into his den and turn on the TV. He kept his mind on the screen and the front porch until Renée returned, only tearing his eyes from the screen long enough to send a text to Noah that they would be coming to hang out this weekend for sure.

“You good?” Charlie asked as Renée sat down hard on the sofa next to him. 

"Yeah,” she said, sighing again. “I just… apologized for everything. For not working like you to find her and stuff.”

“Are you sure you’re good?” Charlie repeated his earlier question. 

“Yeah, it’s just…”

She didn’t need to say it out loud, and he didn’t respond to the gentle sob that came almost immediately after her lie, but it was hanging in the air. They both felt it. The guilt was still there, but the shame had been lifted. Charlie could tell it was going to be a long road to recovery for them, but he knew Renée well enough to be able to tell there wasn't anything she wouldn’t do to help Lily. As flaky as she could be, when it came to important matters, she had all the right answers and she never gave up.

Not when it really mattered. And he knew her daughter mattered to her, even if right now it might not feel like that to her. 

“Did she take it okay?” Charlie asked, suddenly concerned with Lily. 

“She was fine with everything. Said she forgave me.”

Another quiet sob broke through. 

“Then what’s wrong?” he asked genuinely, switching the remote to mute the commercial trying to distract him. “Because for a teeanger, that’s the best possible outcome.”

She gave him a watery laugh, her tears now overflowing. “Yeah, I know. I know you’re right. It’s just… I just…”

“Wait, go back. Did you just say I was right?”

She gave him a look that told him he needed to shut up, but he couldn’t help himself. Instead of talking out loud, though, he communicated the best he could with a grin. 

She laughed harder as she wiped her eyes before she turned her attention to the screen. Charlie left it off like that for a second, waiting to see if she needed to say anything else, but when the game came back, he decided to unmute it finally.

He could hear the girls moving around upstairs and he could’ve sworn a couple of times he heard a giggle float down the stairs too as he and Renée sat in silence. He knew she wasn’t watching the game, she never cared before, but it was all so nice he didn’t bother to question it right now. 

It was all as it should be. 


	11. don't wanna think

Derek drove through Forks with a very grumpy Stiles in the front seat. Lydia had requested a grand entrance, and apparently that required her boyfriend be entertained by the pack leader for some reason while she took longer to get dressed. Normally, he might have made a fuss about it, but through some kismet he wasn’t tasked with hosting this little party, so he wasn’t putting up as much of a fight about it as he might normally. 

Stiles, however, was pissed. 

He kept sighing very dramatically, probably hoping Derek would offer some sage words of advice, but Derek had been around enough of them to know that’s the exact kind of thing that would make it all so much worse. And he’d be required to listen to a bunch of trivial problems he did not care about in the slightest. 

This was _way_ easier. 

When he pulled onto Charlie’s street, though, Stiles perked up a bit. Derek hadn't thought to question why they had moved it from Noah's house to here, or why it hadn't been his job to host instead, and now that they were here, it felt especially strange. Charlie's house was easily the smallest, having never moved out after his ex-wife left.

But since it seemed most people were here and the house wasn't overflowing, they'd be fine. He could also tell that Stiles knew it wouldn’t be too much longer until Lydia came over, followed closely by Alice and Jasper. Edward was already there, though that wasn’t surprising, and Scott and Allison had driven together, but were only now getting out of their car. 

Derek rolled his eyes at them, knowing exactly what had caused that to happen, even though they had left a full half an hour before he and Stiles had. They were terrible at keeping their little trysts a secret anymore. 

They might be soulmates, or whatever the hell an imprint was, but they were still teenagers with parents. They _had_ to be more careful. And apparently it was Derek’s job to have the werewolf sex talk with him again. 

Not at all his idea of a fun Saturday night. 

When they parked, he made sure to grab the beer from the back seat, swatting both Stiles’ and Scott’s hands away as he walked inside. He knew they were just messing with him, but he shook his head and rolled his eyes anyway at their attempts at underage drinking in front of their Alpha. It wasn't for him either. He didn't drink anymore, but it was nice to know he was past his own problems enough that they could all joke about it. 

Charlie was there to greet them all, introducing Derek to his Renée for the first time. He knew pretty extensively _of_ her, and had met her a few times when he was much younger, but didn’t remember it. Noah had been the only one who actually did and he had never appeared all that impressed by the woman. But Derek tried not to let that color his first real meeting with her as he shifted the huge pack of beer easily from one side to the other so he could shake her hand properly. 

She pulled him right in for a hug, though, catching him off guard. Derek looked to Charlie for help, but all he did was roll his eyes and chuckle at her as he took the beer and headed to the kitchen. When she let him go, Derek saw Noah over her shoulder and noticed he was practically scowling. Clearly whatever had gone down ran deeper than Derek was aware of, which made sense. Most of the adult drama had taken place when he was in elementary school, after all. 

And Derek didn’t really fit into either crowd. He was in a weird gray area, and then occasionally one of the vamps would flit in and out of his peripheral as they played the part of the age they were trying to maintain. Mainly Carlisle, since they appeared to be the closest in that department, though that was the furthest thing from the truth. 

Derek blamed his constant five o’clock shadow, no matter how often he shaved. 

“Why don’t you go calm down all the kids and then I’ll introduce you to Lily?” Charlie offered. 

Derek was happy to be given a job, even something like this. He was usually the designated babysitter anyway, so none of this was new. The venue was a bit different, more cramped, but it was nice to know he wasn’t responsible for clean-up this time. 

He shuffled from the kitchen area over to the living room and headed into the den where most of the noise seemed to be coming from. Scott, Allison, Stiles, Bella, Edward, and a few others were already in here, so he poked his head in to make sure they were behaving. 

“Is she here yet?” Stiles asked, hopping off his stool the second he saw Derek. 

“Uh, I have no idea where Lydia is, man.” 

Stiles slumped right back down and huffed again as Scott clapped him on the back. “She’s coming. You know Lydia. She’s our resident drama queen. Just chill.”

“Right, it’s not like you didn’t see her five seconds ago, Stiles,” a new voice chimed in. 

It was high, but not unpleasant, and had a strange rhythm to it he’d never heard anywhere else. And he found he liked it. Almost lyrical, but not quite. As if she was on the verge of breaking into song or something. 

He found himself smiling lazily as he searched for the pair of eyes he didn’t recognize that would go with that voice. It had to be Lily. He knew every other person in here, which meant Charlie thought she was somewhere else if he was planning on introducing them properly soon. 

Everything that happened next, though, was in slow motion. She blinked, her eyelashes fluttering open and closed so slow he could count each one. Then their eyes locked. His chest tightened and he thought he might faint as she smiled at him and started forward, her hand outstretched. 

“You must be Derek,” she said, a human pace returning to his world. “Stiles talks about you a lot. Like a _whole_ lot.” She giggled and shot Stiles a look over her shoulder before turning back to Derek, standing there with her hand out. “I’m Lily.”

But Derek couldn’t move, couldn’t think, and was suddenly finding it very difficult to breathe. He was definitely going to faint, and as his eyes darted around the room for a millisecond, he tried to find the softest place to land so he didn’t regret it later. 

“Hey, Derek. Can I talk to you real quick? I need you to…” Edward started, stepping in between them. “Stiles, you too. It’s about the car.”

“I literally know nothing about cars, Edward,” Stiles complained. “I don’t know why you insist on bringing that up.”

Stiles pretended like he was mad as he stormed out, making Bella and Lily laugh, but he heard the usual mischievous nature behind his words and could tell he was joking. Derek, however, was _not_ when he let out a low growl over the fact that he couldn't see Lily’s face anymore. He needed those eyes. They were his anchor. The only thing keeping him upright. 

Edward leaned in close. “Now, Derek. We need to talk.”

“Yeah, Eddie wants to talk about cars, or boobs, or something manly,” Stiles teased. 

Edward rolled his eyes and led them both out of the room as Bella and Allison descended on Lily. Derek could see she was confused, but he was glad there was no hurt regarding how strange he’d just acted. 

“She’ll be fine,” Edward announced, leading them toward the front door. 

“No, I need to go back,” Derek said, almost whining, not recognizing his voice. “She _needs_ me.”

“Hey, boys, where you off too?” Charlie asked as they headed out the front porch. 

“Just need to ask Derek a question about some engine trouble,” Edward lied easily, his smile forced as he all but shoved Derek and Stiles out the front door ahead of him. “Now, Derek,” he hissed. 

Jasper and Alice pulled up as they were walking down the three steps that led to the lawn. Alice, of course, asked no questions before Edward nodded his head and she went inside without a word. 

He hated when they did that, but he knew why it might be necessary sometimes. He didn’t really get why right now was one of those times, though. Mainly because he wasn’t trying to decipher any meanings. He was just struggling to get back to Lily. 

“What the fuck is happening right now?” Stiles asked as they fought to get Derek toward Bella's truck. 

“Well, we are using Bella’s monstrosity as cover while we talk about the fact that your pack leader just imprinted,” Edward explained, hissing the last word. “I thought… I can’t… Are––are you okay?”

Derek shook his head, trying to let his words sink in before he responded. Well, technically, it was just the one word he was working on understanding in that context because they made no sense all together.

Imprinted? 

Derek Hale had not _imprinted_. He just felt an overwhelming urge to be next to a girl he had never met before in his life to make sure no harm came to her. That was a completely normal response to have upon meeting someone for the first time. 

Edward scoffed. 

“Please, Derek. Don’t patronize me. Or yourself. This is ridiculous. I know you said you don’t believe in it, but it happened, so can you just, like, I don’t know… not panic right now? You need to work with me. Everyone is waiting for you to go back inside and meet the Fire Chief’s daughter. You know, your _boss’_ daughter,” Edward said, speaking lower and faster than Derek had ever heard before. “And I need…”

“What’s going on?” Lydia asked, popping in out of nowhere. 

“Derek imprinted,” Stiles explained. “And, oh my God, you look amazing.”

She winked at him and then turned her attention back to Derek. “So, you joined the super awesome club you said was bullshit. This is… fantastic,” she responded devilishly. 

“Shut up, Lydia,” Derek whined again. “Seriously, I’m fine. Let me go back inside. I’ll be cool. Totally chill.”

Stiles snorted his laughter. “He said chill. You both heard that, right? Clearly he’s got some sort of brain tumor or something. We need to take him to Melissa and Carlisle, stat.”

Derek snarled at him, baring his top teeth. Stiles rolled his eyes at his attempted display of authority before lacing his fingers with Lydia’s and giving her a kiss on the cheek. 

“You wanna take this one, babe?” he asked, like Derek wasn’t even there. 

“Yeah, I probably should. I know Scott’s gonna be pissed he didn’t get to do it.”

“He’ll get over it,” Edward explained, leading Stiles back into the house. 

Just then, Boyd, Erica, and Isaac pulled up in a separate car, the music blaring. They were laughing loudly at a joke he hadn’t heard as they started to walk inside together, Erica curling herself into Boyd’s side as they headed up to the front door. They passed them with a wave, but when Lydia called out they all stopped dead. 

“Hey, guys,” Lydia said, waving back to them. “Derek imprinted. I’m gonna take him for a walk. Be back in a bit.”

She then turned and pointed with her head toward the street when all three of them came back in a flash. 

“He _what_?” Erica shrieked, her eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets. “You said…”

“I am aware of what he said,” Lydia interrupted. “And _thought_. He was clearly wrong. And we’re gonna go talk about just how wrong he was and when I’m satisfied, we’ll be back, so go make sure no one notices we’re gone, okay?”

They all nodded mutely before turning slowly and heading inside finally. They were muttering their confusion to each other as they made it over the threshold, and Derek was happy they were drowned out by all the other voices there because he couldn’t take much more of their disbelief. He was having enough problems with his own. 

“Lydia, I am fine,” Derek insisted, trying to keep his voice even. “You don’t have to babysit me. I’m the babysitter, remember?”

“Normally, maybe, but not right now. You’ve spent so long denying this thing that is totally real, by the way, that I think it’s gonna be worse for you. Especially at the beginning. So, let’s go talk it out, huh?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Derek continued as she linked their arms together and led him away from the house. “I did not imprint. I don’t know what Edward’s even talking about, so let’s just get back to the party. I think that’d be better.”

“Oh, do you?” Lydia asked skeptically. “It’s not because it literally pains you to be away from her right now? Like your lungs are on fire and you want to scream because every fiber of your being is telling you to go the other way? Hmm?”

“No,” he lied. 

“Right, okay, well, then it won’t bother you for me to tell you about when I imprinted on Stiles, will it?”

“Not in the slightest,” he added just as they made it to the deserted street. 

“Cool, well, when I looked into Stiles’ eyes for the first time after I phased, I thought it was going to rip me apart. It was so… intense and visceral I was scared it couldn’t all be housed in my banging little body.” Derek smirked at her fake swagger as she led them to a nearby sidewalk. “And then he talked. And before that point, every time he’d uttered a word, I wanted to kill him. He was, like, super annoying. Like so hella annoying I would’ve smothered him with a pillow and not bothered to make it look like an accident, ya know? But that day, something just snapped. _I_ snapped.”

Despite being very adamant about his stance on the matter, every single thing that Lydia was saying was exactly how he felt in the moment. Minus the whole wanting to kill her beforehand, he understood all the other bits. 

He just really wasn’t ready to say any of it out loud. 

For one thing, it went against everything he _thought_ he believed in. Soulmates weren’t real. Imprinting was just a legend. And all the kids in his pack that had supposedly done it were just confused. They were high school crushes. Really serious high school crushes. 

“Listen,” Lydia started again, “we’re gonna have to go back soon. And I don’t know if you can act okay right now, so why don’t you go home and I’ll tell Charlie you got sick or something?”

“No, I’ll be fine. I’ll have to get it over with eventually, right?”

“Yes… but Derek, this is a bigger deal than I think you’re willing to admit.”

She stopped suddenly on the sidewalk and looked up at him, searching his eyes for something. A light sprinkle had started, as was common for Forks, and began to slick down her perfectly coiffed hair. 

“Derek…”

“Really, I can do this,” he repeated, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I have to.”

Lydia bit her lip before nodding her head and linking their arms back together. “Fine, but only because I know you’ll be whatever she needs you to be right now and not make it _super_ weird.”

“How do…”

“How do I know that?” 

“Yeah.”

“Well, you imprinted. Unfortunately, I know exactly what you’re thinking and feeling right now. Not that I thought I’d ever be here. With you of all people, no less.”

He barked his laughter, throwing his head back. “Gee, thanks.” 

“You’re the Alpha,” she said quietly as they turned back into the yard. “I’m… not. I’m not even in Scott’s shoes.”

“You’re still in the pack, Lydia. And you’re important. You know that.”

As they got to the door he looked down at her face and noticed she was smiling. Even though they got on each other’s nerves more than the others, he could tell that made her happy and he liked the idea that he was the one to do that. 

Suddenly, the idea of being grumpy for the sake of it didn’t seem as important anymore. It was like all his anger and bitterness and pessimism had vanished when he’d seen her. Things he cared about seemed less crucial to his existence. 

Maybe Lydia wasn’t _all_ wrong. 

She reached down, squeezed his hand, and looked up at him as she opened the door. “You got this.”

He nodded and took a deep breath as he followed after her. He most certainly did not have this, but he didn’t have a choice. Being away from her wasn’t an option. 


	12. perfectly wrong

For the first time in Lily’s life, she was truly enjoying herself around a large group of people. Any other time she’d been invited to a party she was either way too young to enjoy herself, it was for a pageant and she was expected to be on her best behavior, or she was too drunk to remember anything. Either way, being semi-sober around her dad, his friends, and people from school who she felt were her actual friends with no ulterior motives felt oddly wonderful and simple. It was like she’d been here her whole life, but she knew it was just this group that made her feel that way. They had folded her into their lives so easily that she could no longer effectively remember the time before she’d come to Forks unless she really struggled to do so. 

In the before time, nightmares regularly plagued her all hours of the day. And she had never given herself permission to think about the future because she had no idea what each day held. But now she could see it all stretching out luxuriously in front of her and she never wanted nights like these to end. 

She couldn’t be sure, but she didn’t think either Charlie or Renée wanted them to end either, and for that she’d always be grateful. Finding her so late in her childhood could’ve gone much differently. She was well aware of that. But that fact that Charlie had clearly never given up hope made it almost possible for her to believe. 

Almost. 

She took another sip of her Coke, which had some Jack Daniels mixed in that she’d hid in her closet, and watched each person carefully as they were all crowded around the fire pit in Charlie’s backyard. She wasn’t even really buzzed, but the alternative was detoxing, and she wasn’t up for that yet. 

She wasn’t ready. 

As she looked around, she noticed most of those here were couples, and for the first time she didn’t feel obligated to be with anyone. She didn’t feel left out, unless she was referring to Bella. 

She still couldn’t put her finger on it, but Edward bothered her. She tried not to let it seep too far into her conscious thoughts and actions, but she always felt it nagging at her. Somewhere deep in the back of her mind. Never truly gone and also not making any rational sense. 

Maybe it was jealousy. 

First, her eyes landed on the power couple of Forks High School, if you didn’t count Edward and Bella, and she most certainly did not. Scott and Allison had eyes only for each other, but somehow Lily never felt like a third wheel if she chose to spend her time with them. They had some sort of superpower in that department. 

Then there was Lydia and Stiles. She was way out of his league, and Stiles knew it, but Lydia still blushed and giggled at all his jokes, so she wasn’t worried about them breaking up anytime soon either. Or ever. 

Isaac was the only person their age who wasn’t in a relationship, so he was usually who she hung out with when she needed something away from all the PDA these days. Again, it hadn’t been that long, but she felt like Forks had always been her home and these had always been her people. 

She knew it had more to do with the fact that she was still actively beating memories of forced conversations and fake smiles out of her mind any chance they crept in without her permission, but the need to do even that was becoming less and less. And it was almost nonexistent when she was around Isaac. 

She knew better than to believe she would’ve hung out with him in Beacon Hills. To start, they wouldn’t have run in the same social circles there. Her “mom” would’ve never have allowed it. She was only to have those people surrounding her that made _her_ better. Whatever the hell that meant. 

Lily’s eyes caught Isaac over the crackling fire and he smiled and gave her a wink before Erica leaned over and whispered something to him and he was sucked into a conversation. He seemed just as lost in thought as she had been, but she had no distractions right now. 

Everyone was too lost in their relationship to see much else, but Lily was content to just people watch. She smiled as she heard Charlie and Renée’s laughter from the kitchen, looking up and catching sight of them together through the window. 

They looked almost… married in there like that, but she knew the truth. They had been too young, too naive, and too broken after she’d been taken to ever make it. 

It made her sad sometimes, especially when she saw things like this, but she knew it was better this way too. Renée had Phil now and he made her happy. Like everyone else here, they just fit together so perfectly nothing else would’ve worked. 

She tore her eyes away from the scene in the kitchen finally and stared down at the flames reaching skyward, concentrating on the sounds of the wood crackling loudly near her feet. The sun had set a few hours ago, but the party didn’t seem to be winding down. Even the neighbors had made their way over, so she guessed it wasn’t going to be stopping anytime soon. 

Lily assumed when you were the Fire Chief and essentially the whole squad was already here, there wasn’t really a worry of getting a ticket for being too loud. They probably knew all the cops pretty well.

She didn’t look over, but felt someone come to sit beside her as she shot daggers at the back of Edward’s head when he stood up with Bella and they walked to the edge of the woods holding hands. She knew he couldn’t hear her, so she scoffed quietly and rolled her eyes at their public display of affection, even though it was basically nothing. And certainly not as bad as anyone else around her. 

She couldn’t explain it, but something was off. 

“You don’t like Edward?” someone to her left asked. 

She plastered on her best fake smile at the voice she didn’t immediately recognize and turned her head, meeting the most piercing green eyes she had ever seen in real life. She knew those eyes. She’d tried to introduce herself earlier, but Edward had been strange and awkward and interrupted, so she’d pushed all that out of her mind until this moment. 

“Uh, what?” she stammered, looking down at her cup. 

“You don’t like Edward?” he repeated. 

“He’s… fine.”

“Some might say that, yes,” he said, a bit of laughter in his voice. 

“Ew. No.”

She scrunched up her nose and looked to him again to see that his eyes were now twinkling as he took her in. Well, drank her in might be a more appropriate phrase, but given his age, it seemed like thinking those particular thoughts were off-limits. No matter how attractive he might be. 

“I’m Derek,” he said, holding out his hand. “Derek Hale. I, uh, work with your dad.”

Well, shit. Definitely off-limits. 

“Yeah, I remember. You’re Stiles’ boyfriend, right?”

He laughed and held out his hand finally. She shook it and tried desperately to ignore the spark that seemed to shoot out of her fingertips when they touched. 

“He’s fine, really,” Lily repeated and motioned to Bella and Edward, embarrassed now that someone had caught her. “It’s just… I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like he likes me very much.”

_Or I don’t like him. At all. And I have literally no idea why._

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Derek said thoughtfully. “I’ve never known Edward to not like someone.” 

She shrugged and took another drink to have something to do with her hands. More laughter sounded from the house and both their eyes tracked that way.

“I’ve never heard your Dad laugh like that,” he commented quietly before looking back to her.

“Oh,” she said lamely. 

Something about him was making it impossible to form coherent and intelligent sentences all of a sudden. Normally, she was pretty good at articulating her thoughts. She certainly didn’t think like your typical teenager, something she and Bella had in common, she had noticed, but now she was acting like all that time she’d spent prepping for pageant interviews over the years had been a waste. 

“Do you, uh, like it in Forks?”

“I do,” she answered truthfully. “I love how much cooler it is here.”

“Most girls complain about the rain,” he smirked. 

She shrugged again. “I don’t mind it. It’s kinda nice, actually. It’ll be better with a raincoat, but it’s not so bad.”

“I promise we’ll get you a raincoat,” Alice piped up from where she sat across the fire in Jasper’s lap. “And a regular coat and adorable little rainboots and about a million and two outfits that won’t make you freeze to death this winter.”

“Deal,” Lily said, smiling wide at her. 

She had no idea how she was going to pay for all these outfits and accessories Alice had in mind, but honestly she would be happy with one or two, and she had the money for that. Getting out of town to see Seattle was going to be fun with everyone, regardless of any of her other worries. 

“How, uh, long have you had all these?” Derek asked, reaching out and running a finger along her bare arm. 

She looked down where he was touching her and then to his face before he jerked his hand away. He seemed to realize a second too late that probably wasn’t appropriate, but it didn’t appear he could necessarily help it either. 

And she wouldn’t deny that her skin was on fire from where he had touched her. The temperature alone felt like he had scalded her, but it was something deeper than that she did not have time to unpack right now. 

“Uh, I started with this one,” she said, pointing out a swallow near her collarbone. “And then it just went down. I can’t seem to stop.”

“What’s it mean?”

“The bird?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. 

“Have you ever seen _Forrest Gump_?” she asked hesitantly. 

She hated telling the story and knew he was going to get the wrong idea. But, hopefully, he wouldn’t tell her dad. 

“Yeah,” he said. “You know that part in the cornfield where Forrest and Jenny are praying to God that he would make her a bird so she could fly far, far away?”

He nodded, getting a sad look in his eyes that she had seen coming from a mile away. She turned back to the fire before she could catch sight of the pity that was sure to follow. It always did. And she hated the way it made her stomach turn. 

Lily did not accept pity. From anyone. 

“What about this one?” he asked after another quiet moment. 

She looked down at her arm to see where he was pointing and noticed he was making sure not to touch her directly this time. She hated herself for wanting him to. 

He was pointing directly at one of the many words she had etched on her skin. This one was alone, though. And it was supposed to be. It wasn’t part of a quote like the others. 

“It means to live in the moment,” she explained. 

“It’s pretty.” 

“Thanks,” she said, glad the darkness covered most of the blush now rising in her cheeks. “Do, uh, you have any?”

“Just one,” he admitted. “It’s in the middle of my back.”

She nodded and gave him a half-smile, knowing there would never be an instance where she would get to see it. Lily also knew better than to ask what it was or its meaning, as it wouldn’t help later when she was falling asleep trying not to think about this mysterious co-worker of her father’s who was most certainly off-fucking-limits. 

“Hey, Lily,” Bella said, shaking her out of her reverie. “Did you want any more to eat?”

“No,” she said, “I’m good. I’m, uh, kinda tired.”

She was lying through her teeth, and she felt like Edward could tell by the way he was smirking. And then the ugly jealousy monster, or whatever the hell it was, was back and she found herself almost incapable of not snarling at him. 

“I think I’m gonna go too,” Derek announced. “It was nice to meet you, Lily.”

“You too.”

He smiled down at her as he stood up and walked back inside, and she shamelessly watched him the whole way. She also noticed the way Lydia, Stiles, and the rest of them seemed to follow him up the steps and through the house with their eyes as well as he issued a goodbye to all those inside too before they went back to their own conversations again. 

“Are you sure?” Bella asked, concern in her voice. 

“Yeah, I’m so beat. I’ll see you up there later.”

“How you gonna sleep with all this racket?” Scott asked, laughing low. 

“I have headphones, dork,” Lily answered, shoving his shoulder playfully as she walked by. “Try not to mount him on the way home, Allison. That’s dangerous, girl.”

Stiles snorted and she turned her sights on him. “I know your boyfriend, Derek, just left, but the same applies to you and Lydia, okay?” 

“Fine. I won’t mount him,” Stiles huffed. “I mean her. I won’t mount _her_.”

Boyd and Erica laughed at him and gave their own wave and she ruffled Isaac’s hair as she started inside finally. As she made her way through the tiny mudroom she thought she could still smell Derek’s cologne as she lingered there, but she knew that wasn’t possible.   
  
There were way too many people here, for one. And she had no idea what his cologne smelled like, for another. She was clearly delusional and in desperate need of sleep. 

She said a quick goodnight to both her parents and those around them before making her way up the stairs. She hadn’t meant to cut everything so short, not with how long the party seemed like it might go on, but it was nice that she wasn’t required to host the damn thing or stay the whole time. 

It was like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders since she got to Forks. All those ridiculous standards that had been thrust on her over the years had evaporated and she was allowed to just be herself. 

Now, if she could just figure out who the hell that was, she’d be in business.


	13. mr. brightside

Edward watched as Derek smiled down at his phone, reading and rereading each message he sent Lily as he sat outside her window, just on the edge of the forest where he couldn’t be seen or heard. Thankfully, he had his ringer off or the game would’ve been up hours ago. 

“Are you mad?” Derek asked suddenly, not looking up. 

Edward pushed off the tree he was leaning against and went to sit beside him on the slightly damp log he was leaning against as he sat on the forest floor. 

“Why would I be angry?”

“You can’t go up there until Lily goes to sleep,” he explained. “She’s not going to do _that_ until I stop texting her.”

Edward chuckled. “I have forever with Bella, Derek. I can handle a few hours of inconvenience.”

He huffed and put his phone on the ground, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s weird, though, right?”

“What?”

“This. The whole thing,” Derek groaned. “She’s in _high school_.”

“And she’s graduating soon. She’s eighteen years old,” Edward reasoned.

“She’s my boss’ daughter, who he just found after years of searching because some crazy lady came and kidnapped her from the hospital as a two-day-old baby,” Derek continued, undeterred. 

“And he doesn’t have a problem with it,” Edward reminded him. “You told him you were texting her. He doesn’t care, correct?”

“Well, I mean… that’s what he said,” Derek explained quietly. 

“Has Charlie ever been one to lie to you or withhold things?”

“He’s kinda quiet. I don’t know.”

Edward rolled his eyes and then reached out to squeeze Derek’s shoulder reassuringly. Since he wasn’t wearing a shirt he flinched at first, but didn’t jerk away. Edward knew what it took for him to do that, and he appreciated it. 

“Derek, Charlie isn’t going to keep it to himself when it comes to Lily. Or Bella. I guarantee it. He’s never had any problem telling _me_ how he feels about me.”

“That’s true,” Derek said, sounding almost hopeful. 

“It is. And you’re not going to do anything to hurt Lily. So it’s not…”

The sound of his own phone vibrating in his pocket interrupted his train of thought and he pulled it out to see a message from Bella. 

**> They’ve been texting literally all night. **

**< And? **

**> It’s only been two days since the party. It’s weird! He’s too old for her! **

Edward sighed heavily and stood up, hoping that Derek hadn’t seen any of his conversation with Bella. He had conveniently forgotten the part where there _was_ a member of the Swan household that did not like this new arrangement at all. If you could even call it that. 

Aside from the random texts, they hardly talked. There was nothing remotely sexual going on. Derek was the perfect gentleman, like always, and Edward had seen and heard Lily smile more in the past two days than the entire time she had been in Forks. 

He never saw her as particularly unhappy to be here before, but the difference was a bit stark and hard to ignore. Her attitude toward Edward had even loosened up quite a bit, though it was clear she was still struggling with her harsh and possible totally valid feelings about him.

Somehow it comforted him that she couldn’t exactly understand them easier. It made him feel less of a failure that way. Her thoughts were already almost impossible to pick up on because they were so quiet, but even those he could––at least the ones about him––didn’t make a lot of sense. And she seemed just as confused as he had been, so he tried not to let it bother him. 

**< He imprinted, Bella. What do you want me to say?**

**> I want you to say it’s weird.**

**< Fine. It’s weird.** **  
**

He could hear her rolling her eyes from here at that last comment, but he had no idea what else to say to her. She wasn’t going to get on board with this until she got to the root of the issue, and it was clear she wasn’t ready for that. And he knew better than to push.

**> Don’t patronize me. **

**< You can’t have it both ways. **

He waited a second for her reply, because he could guarantee one was coming soon, and looked back over at Derek, his face pointed back to his phone. And he was still smiling as wide as ever. 

**> You really don’t see a problem with this? **

He contemplated this because he wasn’t sure he’d given himself permission to think about it in that context. She wasn’t _his_ sister, though she would be in a manner of speaking soon enough. It just didn’t feel like his place. He knew where he stood with the pack, and it was already precarious enough most days. He didn’t want to upset that balance by inserting himself where he didn’t belong. And he had no real information on the phenomenon of imprinting, so he couldn’t be helpful in the way he was used to either. 

It was better if he just stayed out of it. But he also knew Bella wasn’t going to be okay with a non-answer here. He had to say something. She was going to force him to have an opinion on the matter. 

**< We can talk about this when I get there. **

Granted, Bella had no idea he was already there, waiting for Derek to go on patrol properly and phase into his wolf form, but that wasn’t important. Until Derek said goodnight, neither would Lily, and if she wasn’t asleep, he couldn’t exactly go up there. He might as well be a million miles away, though being this close and being able to keep an eye on her helped him to some degree. 

“Are you okay?” Lily asked upstairs. 

Both Derek and Edward looked toward the open window, clearly hearing every word. 

“Uh, yeah,” Bella lied. 

Edward went to sit beside Derek again, not sure what they were about to listen in on. He wasn’t even sure they _should_ be listening in on it. Bella had already warned him about the problems with eavesdropping, and he had to agree. 

“No you’re not,” Lily insisted. “Tell me.”

“No, it’s… nothing.”

Derek sat up straighter and then looked to Edward. “What’s going on?” he whispered. 

Edward hung his head. He should’ve said something before this moment. The sadness in Derek’s eyes told him that. This was not the way to find out that Bella had a problem with everything. His need to protect people always came at a cost, and it was just now starting to set in for him. 

He couldn’t help but be ashamed. 

“Is it you and Edward?” Lily asked. 

Lily was giving Bella the perfect out to the conversation and Edward prayed she’d take it, but he knew his love better than that. She wouldn't be able to keep the words from flowing. With Derek here, though, listening along too, he hoped she’d be gentle. 

“I just… find it weird that you’re talking to Derek so much,” Bella blurted out. “He’s, like…” 

“Charlie's co-worker?" Lily finished for her. “Yeah, and he’s way too hot for me. And older than me.”

Derek looked back to the window slowly when Edward didn’t answer him, clearly confused and upset by Lily’s answer. He set his phone down and listened harder, his mind racing trying to untangle her words. 

“He’s not _that_ much older than you,” Bella corrected. “Three years is hardly anything. Renée and Charlie are further apart than that.”

Derek’s phone vibrated again and his fingers moved toward it, but he didn’t pick it up. He was concentrating too hard on what they were saying. 

“I mean,” Bella continued, “he isn’t in high school anymore, so I get it.”

“We are _so_ not in the same league,” Lily explained in a distracted sort of way, “so it’s fine. He’s just fun to talk to, ya know? He’s the only other person besides Isaac that’s not dating someone. And he’s super sarcastic like me. It’s just… nice.” 

They could both hear the smirk in Bella’s voice as she replied next. “Oh, I know he’s not in _your_ league,” Bella agreed. “But still, just be careful.”

“Is he a stalker or something?” Lily asked, a slight giggle in her voice. “Because they do background checks and stuff here, right?”

“Yes, they do. And no, he’s not. I just… I don’t know. Never mind. It’s stupid.”

“If it bothers you, I don’t have to talk to him,” Lily offered. “I get that you had a life and stuff before I got here and I’m just barrelling in here taking all your friends.”

Derek whimpered quietly at the idea of Lily not talking to him and Edward fought the urge to make him leave so he didn’t have to hear anymore, but he knew that wasn’t possible. Derek wasn’t leaving her side unless she ordered him to. 

It was the same for him with Bella. It always had been. This might be one of the few things both he and Derek understood on an intimate level. 

They heard Bella move from her own bed to Lily’s and sit down next to her before she started to talk again. “No, really. It’s totally fine,” Bella insisted. “And you are not taking my friends, Lily.” 

“When you and Edward go off alone. Or Alice and Jasper aren’t around, and I don’t feel like being a third wheel to one of the other billion couples we hang out with. It’s just kinda fun to hang out with someone and bullshit. Someone who doesn’t want to go get in my pants all the time.” 

“I’m sorry,” Bella conceded. “You’re completely right. I’m… it’s fine. Really. I didn’t think about it like that. Derek’s great.”

“I’m talking to Isaac too,” Lily said. “It’s not _all_ Derek.”

Edward watched Derek carefully and noticed the way his eyes narrowed at the mention of the other boy’s name. His lips peeled back slowly from his clenched teeth and a low rumbling growl started to build from somewhere deep in his chest. 

Edward gave his shoulder another squeeze to help Derek recenter before he murdered one of his own, hoping to give him enough perspective to keep him from doing something really stupid over nothing at all. 

“You don’t owe me an explanation,” Bella said quietly. “It’s not my business.” 

“Isn’t it? You _are_ my sister,” Lily responded. “I think you get a say.”

Bella’s heart rate picked up at the insistence in Lily’s voice and it warmed Edward’s very dead heart to think that Lily saw her that way. He knew the struggle Bella had been going through in regards to her sister, but it was obvious now that no matter what she thought of him, she would always love Bella. 

“He’s great,” Bella repeated. 

“We’re just friends. Dad is his boss,” Lily said, standing up suddenly. “Never gonna happen.” Derek’s phone vibrated again as Lily headed for the closet and Derek caught sight of her. “I’m gonna go take a shower. Need anything outta there before I hog it for the next three hours or so?”

Bella laughed lightly. “No, I’m fine.”

Lily nodded as she rummaged in the closet for a few more seconds before grabbing clothes and heading into the hallway. 

As Edward went to go talk to Bella, Derek’s hand clamped down on his own. “She doesn’t like me?”

“Bella likes you just fine, Derek,” Edward said. 

“No, she said it was weird,” he retorted. “She doesn’t want me talking to Lily.”

“That’s not her call to make,” Edward insisted. 

“And then Lily said…”

“Derek, you need to talk to her about this. Not me. Okay? And seriously, don’t get too concerned about things she said while talking to Bella either. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything. She could’ve been trying to mask her true feelings. You and I both know the life she had before she came here wasn’t very good. Give her time.”

Derek let his hand drop as he nodded, seeming to agree with him, though Edward knew the wheels in his head were still spinning. It was one thing to agree not to let something worry you, and another thing entirely to put it into action. 

Another thing he knew way too much about. 

When Edward was sure that Derek wasn’t going to bolt to the front door and demand an explanation from Lily or try to run off and murder Isaac, he headed straight for the open window, moving inside as quietly as possible. 

“You know he heard you, right?” Edward asked, appearing next to Bella’s bed. 

She jumped slightly as her eyes shot in his direction. “Wh––what?”

“Derek heard you, Bella. He’s on patrol tonight,” he said, his voice coming off as more scolding than he meant for it to. “He heard the whole thing.”

“You’re not supposed to eavesdrop,” she hissed in the direction of the open window. 

Edward chuckled and sat down on the bed next to her as the shower turned on in the other room. “Just assume he’s on patrol every night from here on out.”

Bella rolled her eyes. “He has to tell her, Edward. If he’s going to keep this up. He has to or she’s going to find out and freak and run away from all of us. Not just him. And if that happens, I’ll never forgive him.”

Her lip started to quiver as it hit Edward what this was really about. And, unfortunately, Bella was right. As much as no one wanted to involve Lily in the supernatural, Derek had a choice to make. Otherwise, he was risking much more than his relationship with her. 

“I know what I said before,” she continued unprompted. “But that was before the imprinting. It was before I knew what was gonna happen. And I know how bad that imprinting thing is for them. He can’t help it. I get it, but she’s my sister, Edward.” 

“I know. I’m sorry. I know,” he said, scooting closer and pulling her into his arms. “You’re right. Okay? We’ll… discuss it later.” 

She cried almost silently as the emotions took hold for the smallest second. Everyone had been so concerned about Lily feeling safe and wanted in this new place that they hadn’t stopped to think how attached Bella was getting or what it meant for the life she had chosen. Twins had always had a special bond, that wasn’t news. And, technically, it wasn’t really science either, but there was plenty that couldn’t be explained in the world. 

He was one of them. 

Edward had to find a way to make this better, secretly hoping that Lily was an answer to his own prayers too. Maybe now Bella would wait. Give him a few more years. But that wasn’t the most important part anymore either. He had to make sure Bella was really and truly ready because once she gave in, there was no turning back. And the same held true for Derek. 

They all had a choice to make.


	14. emotions are for children

Lily looked out the window as they drove down the highway, Rosalie at the wheel. She was still trying to decide whether or not the Cullen sibling she had been introduced to most recently was enough to get depressed over. 

She was gorgeous in the same way all of them were, but it was somehow even more with Rosalie. Of course, she was also a perfectly lovely person, and as pretentious as Lily was sure it would make her sound to say the words out loud, she wasn’t used to being the fifth prettiest person in the room. And it wasn’t even that she thought all their other friends were necessarily uglier than her, but it was usually just an objective fact. 

A gross fact that made her feel awful for even considering it now, but it had been beaten into her, sometimes literally, that her beauty was all she could contribute to the world. Rosalie flew in the face of that in the worst way. Lily’s entire system of self-esteem was built on a very, very rocky and unstable foundation, and Rosalie’s presence made it all start to wobble precariously on the edge of a breakdown. 

“Are you excited about seeing your Mom and Phil in Jacksonville?” Alice asked next to her. 

Lily turned to face her, putting a smile on. Lately she had noticed that those weren’t fake or forced anymore. And right now Alice was saving her from herself, so she appreciated it more than she’d ever be able to express. 

“I am,” Lily admitted easily. “I get to wear my normal clothes.”

“Oh, uh, no,” Alice said, looking mortified. “We’ll get you some more. You need something with less… holes in it.”

Lily giggled. “I don’t have the money for that, Alice. And I’ll be fine. It’s Jacksonville. I’ll be the most dressed up person there. Holes and all.”

“I’m buying the clothes,” Alice said, shrugging. “I thought I told you that. The weekend is on us. We never get to sneak off to Seattle. Certainly not for a girls plus Stiles weekend.”

“I can’t…”

“You can,” Rosalie interrupted from the front seat. “She’s small, but she’s feisty. She won’t let you say no.” She pointed to her whole body. “I would know. You think I like this stuff?”

Alice giggled next and then everyone else in the car did the same. They had all been having their own conversations up until that point, but now they quickly launched into the different shops they wanted to go to first. Erica just wanted food, which caused another round of laughter as they inched closer and closer toward Seattle. 

Lily let their mundane conversations about nothing at all carry them about halfway there, and in terms of a distraction, it was wonderful, but then they turned to a subject she didn’t want to discuss. 

Derek. 

She was still so confused by everything to do with him. Sometimes she thought he was flirting and other times she was sure he was distancing himself because of his age. Again, Lily had nothing to contribute but being a flirty disaster, so if he didn’t like that side of her, there was nothing else she could do. And she hadn’t given herself permission to really decide what she wanted either. 

Then there was Isaac. He seemed to enjoy her company too, but not like _that_. She was so used to guys especially wanting to sleep with her, she had no idea how to talk to the opposite sex without linking it to attraction in some way, even when she wasn’t feeling it in the slightest. 

“So,” Lydia started innocently enough, leaning toward her from the back seat, “how’s it going?”

“Good,” Lily answered skeptically. “Why do you ask?”

“She wants to ask about Derek,” Stiles piped up, causing Lydia to shoot him a glare. “But I guess that’s a secret.”

Alice laughed and rolled her eyes. “There’s nothing going on with Derek. Right, Lily? I mean, you would’ve told me.”

“I definitely would have, Alice,” Lily promised. “But we have been texting. You know that already, though.”

Alice nodded with a smile as she swiveled in her seat so she could be included in the burgeoning conversation too. 

“But Derek is always grinning like an idiot at his phone,” Lydia continued, “and since I was pretty sure his face wasn’t capable of doing that, I wanna know what you guys talk about. He’s not gonna tell us. So… spill, lady.”

Lily groaned low and put her head in her hands. “I don’t know. I have no idea what’s going on with him. Or Isaac.”

“Isaac?” Erica gasped, leaning forward too. “Wait, do we have a love triangle on our hands? I am _so_ here for this.”

“No,” Lily said quickly, her head shooting back up. “Absolutely not. First, Derek is too old. Second, Isaac only cares about sports. And also, I’m not trying to come in and act all slutty and come between everyone. You all somehow like each other and there are no cliques. I have no idea how you did that, but I’m not about to mess it up with my lady bits.”

Rosalie snorted from the front seat. “Lady bits,” she mumbled. “You’re funny.”

“Okay, whoa,” Erica said, holding up her hands. “Isaac does not only care about sports. And Derek is not too old. You coming in has only added intrigue to our lives, if anything. Not bad stuff. You made it fun,” she insisted. “Do you have any idea how _boring_ Forks was until you showed up?” 

“Agreed,” Stiles offered. “Erica is totally right. We never went on girls’ trips or anything. We never took breaks from our boyfriends, myself included,” he joked. “It was super unhealthy. It’s nice that you’re here.”

Lily felt herself blushing. “Ah, you blush like Bella when someone compliments you,” Rosalie said, staring at her in the rearview mirror. “Must be genetic.”

“Oh, hush,” Lily mumbled, making Rosalie giggle and then look back to the road. “I don’t know, guys. It’s… complicated,” she repeated, “and I don’t have anything to say.”

Everyone scooted back to their seats except Lydia, who still had her head on the back of the bench seat that she and Alice were on. “But seriously, the smiling freaks me out.”

Lily laughed quietly. “I’ll make sure to turn him back into a grumpy old man once in a while. For you.”

“Thank you,” she answered, finally moving back. “That’s all I ask.’

Stiles chuckled and shook his head, his eyes never leaving Lydia’s face as she crossed her arms and faced forward. He seemed to be memorizing her features as he stared and Lily found herself staring at him in return. He didn’t seem like he could get enough of her, and that’s when it hit Lily. She had never seen anyone actually and actively be in love before she got here. She’d seen it in movies, of course, and faked by every single person in a relationship she had been around in Beacon Hills, but Forks was different. In more ways than one. 

As she turned back around, looking at Alice too, she had no idea how she’d gotten so lucky to call any of them friends. She certainly didn’t deserve them. 

A few hours later, they pulled up to the most gorgeous hotel Lily had seen in a long time. It wasn’t that she’d never been at one like it before, but this one didn’t feel like all those in California that sat on the beach. For one, there were mountains here that were capped with snow and set the backdrop off perfectly. 

Also, she could actually _breathe_ out here. A thing she would never be used to doing properly. Beacon Hills was too close to Los Angeles to ever fully take a deep breath, both metaphorically and literally. It was nice to be somewhere that they valued things like general public health. 

“Alice, how did you _find_ this place?” she asked in a hushed whisper as they made their way into the lobby. 

“The internet,” she said simply. “You can find a lot of stuff there.”

“Oh, ha ha,” she replied sarcastically, a smile playing on her lips. 

She went to sit in one of the lobby chairs next to Stiles, Lydia, and Erica as Rosalie and Alice checked in. Since Rosalie was the only one old enough to actually rent a room, she was the one with her name on the reservation, but even with Stiles here, the parents didn’t really seem to care where anyone slept. Lily hadn’t known the Cullens long, but she didn’t imagine they skimped on things like this, and they’d probably be going straight to the biggest suite in the place. It wasn’t like this was a romantic getaway for the only couple among them anyway. Stiles had agreed to just be one of the girls and not monopolize Lydia’s attention, which he was doing a really good job of so far. It was almost like he knew he had forever with her and one weekend wasn’t going to jeopardize anything. 

Being around _real_ couples was weird. 

Alice interrupted her train of thought again, thankfully, and led them all to the bank of elevators right off the lobby as soon as they were done at the desk. They all laughed and joked as they walked through the hallway with all their bags until they made it to the end and Alice opened the door for them. She stood back as each of them entered, all gasping dramatically at their surroundings. 

They were in a large living room area meticulously decorated in varying shades of white, black, and even some green, and the curtains were open, revealing the amazing scene Lily had commented on when they pulled into their parking spot. But this time it was unimpeded and absolutely stunning. 

Lily walked forward slowly as everyone split off to find their room, each one leading away from the main area. The curtains were billowing with the light wind drifting in through the open balcony door and it seemed to be calling to her. She let the feeling propel her outside. She could hear Stiles and Lydia teasing Erica about getting her own room, but even that seemed to fade into the background as she looked at the water and the mountains stretched out before her. 

She let all the stress she’d been holding onto roll off her shoulders and she felt like she could sleep for days… or weeks. In fact, Lily couldn’t remember a time that it hadn’t been a part of her life. She had started to believe it was all she would ever know, but by some miracle her Dad had found her and now everything was different. 

She leaned against the rail and pulled out her phone, snapping a picture. She sent it to Bella and then to Derek without an explanation. She didn’t worry what it meant. She just did it. She decided this wasn’t the time for bothering with worries about anything. Right now, she was a senior in high school with stereotypical concerns, like graduation. Not pageants or horrible parents or fake friends. 

Not right now. And hopefully not ever again. 

“You okay?” Alice asked quietly behind her. 

“Yes,” Lily answered, not turning around. “It’s beautiful here, Alice. Thank you so much for inviting me.”

She wiped a traitorous tear away as she felt it slip down her cheek, hoping Alice didn’t see it and recognize how much this was affecting her. 

“You wanna go to dinner first? I think Erica’s threatening cannibalism in here.” 

She gave Alice a watery laugh. “Sure. Dinner sounds nice.” 

“Come on,” Alice said. 

Lily turned around to see that she had her hand out for her. For once, she didn’t turn around or brush it away. She trusted Alice. She trusted them all. They would keep her safe. All of her. Even the parts of her that she wasn’t ready to show anyone yet. 

“Can I _please_ pick out your clothes for tonight?” Alice begged jokingly. 

She giggled and shook her head. “Sure, Alice. But we haven’t gone shopping yet, so I don’t know how it’s gonna get any better until then.”

“Oh, I brought stuff,” she announced, bouncing toward a room Lily guessed she was sharing with her and Rosalie. “We’re basically the same size.”

“No, we aren’t, Alice,” Lily said forcefully, stopping near the threshold. “You’re way skinnier than me.”

Alice giggled. “No, we’re the same size.”

“No, we’re not,” Lily insisted, tears stinging her eyes again, but for a completely different reason now. “I’m, like, a size six or something. I’m huge. You’re, like, what? A double zero?”

Alice’s eyebrows pulled as she dropped her hand finally. “No, you aren’t, Lily. Why… why do you think that’s huge, though? Six isn’t big.”

“There are no dresses that are cute in my size. _That’s_ how I know. They only do cute stuff in the super small sizes. My other… well––whatever she was––had to have my clothes specially made. We couldn’t ever just go shop. Everything I bought was online. And they _still_ had to be tailored.”

Lily hadn’t been prepared for what this unleashed for her. And clearly Alice had seen nothing wrong with what she had offered, not that she should. There wasn’t anything bad inherently, but her body and mind being relaxed in this place had been a bad thing after all. Her walls were down. 

Alice looked legitimately hurt by Lily’s accusations and she wanted to stuff them all back in her mouth. She never wanted to insult Alice, or anyone else, but this was something that had been building from the moment she had agreed to this trip and she hadn’t stopped to think about it. 

She was so fucking stupid for thinking she’d be okay enough to do normal things. 

Alice walked forward slowly and wrapped her arms around Lily, and she couldn’t help but stiffen at her touch. She’d gotten used to the temperature difference, in the same way she had with Isaac, Scott, and Lydia, though it was in the opposite direction.While Alice felt like dunking her whole body in an ice bucket, the others felt like walking through fire. 

Neither was necessarily unpleasant, but she knew it proved she was the odd man out. Other than Bella, who didn’t exactly hug her or anything, she was the only one without anything special about them. And even Bella was special in other ways. 

It was only Lily who was boring and normal and too typical to be hanging out with all these gorgeous people. She was also broken and jaded and terribly cynical. She shouldn’t be here. 

“It’s not fair,” she said into Alice’s shoulder quietly. 

“I know,” Alice soothed. “I know. I’m so sorry.”

“Why couldn’t she just have left me with them? Why’d she have to take me?” she asked desperately. 

Alice smoothed her hair down as she let her cry on her shoulder. Literally. Lily hated being weak, but she couldn’t stop it now that it had started. All her truths had been buried so deep and now they were impossible to keep inside anymore. 

“It’s not fair,” she repeated, pulling back and wiping her face. “I just… I don’t know if I can do this, Alice. I’m so sorry. I know you guys wanted to have this fun weekend and I’m ruining it. I’m sorry I said that too. I know it’s not huge. It’s just that’s how they made me feel and it’s not your fault.” 

“Lily, you’re not ruining anything, okay?” Alice insisted. “No one’s mad. Well, not at you,” she corrected. “I’d like very much to murder that woman who made you think all these completely untrue things. And I know you aren’t trying to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

“It’s about me,” Lily added unnecessarily. “I know it sounds like a lie. But I promise I don’t think or call other people fat or something.”

“No one thinks that.” Alice dropped her hands finally and pointed toward the bathroom. “Why don’t you go take a shower and change into something, anything, that makes you feel comfortable, okay? We can stay in and order room service. Just you and me. Everyone else can hang out with Rose for the night. Whatever you want.”

“This shouldn’t be about me,” Lily protested. “I don’t want to ruin anything.”

“It can be about you for one night, Lily,” Alice insisted. 

Lily bit her bottom lip, trying to think of another argument that would take all the attention off her and her problems. If she was stuck inside the hotel room with Alice, she’d be expected to talk about all her issues. And no one needed to be bogged down with all that. Even she was surprised most days she could handle it, or rather that she could ignore it. In reality, that’s all she had ever done and now it was coming back to bite her in the ass, but that was _her_ problem.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” Lily finally answered. “And then we can go to dinner. Pick me out something to wear and I’ll try it on. I just… I can’t promise it’ll fit.”

“If it’s gonna bother you, don’t do it,” Alice instructed. “It’s not worth it. You don’t have to like the things I like. Bella certainly doesn’t and I still love _her_.”

She smiled at Lily like it was a joke, but Lily didn’t get it. Though, now that she thought about it, they did welcome her sister into their family very easily, and it’s not like Bella was particularly fashionable or anything. Maybe it would be okay for her to figure this out too. 

“Really, Alice. It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

She started toward the bathroom quickly after that, hoping to make it before she broke down again. Lily couldn’t remember a time she had been that embarrassed, and it wouldn’t be long before every part of her rebelled against the feeling. She’d shut down again and withdraw. It was one of her most used coping mechanisms. Her walls would go back up, higher than before, and they’d be impossible to bring back down.   
  
But as long as she wasn’t rude to anyone, she’d be fine. They didn’t deserve that. Not from anyone, but least of all Lily. They had trusted her just like she had trusted them, and she wouldn’t betray that trust, even if her mind was telling her horrible, awful things she knew to be untrue in an effort to save herself. 

Lily turned on the water and sat on the closed toilet lid, watching the steam fill up the large room slowly. Everywhere she looked she saw marble and rose gold, and under normal circumstances, she would be totally engrossed in the wonderfulness of it all, but right now her mind was suffocating her, demanding she concentrate on the most awful memories. 

She slammed her eyes shut as the bile rose in her throat and she pulled out her phone, dialing a now familiar number without even looking at the keypad. Lily put it to her ear slowly, waiting impatiently for the one person she wanted to talk to right now to answer. 

“Hello?”

“Hey,” she replied shakily. “Can we talk for a sec?”


	15. a crack in the glass

Derek barrelled into the Cullen’s living room with Scott, Jackson, and Isaac on his heels, only seeing red as he looked around for Edward. Carlisle and Esme didn’t seem the least bit disturbed by his presence, despite the obvious signs of anger he had to be giving off right now. Add in Isaac, Jackson, and Scott’s uncomfortable demeanor and he was shocked that neither Emmett or Jasper seemed concerned enough to even get off the couch. 

“Edward!” he bellowed. 

“No need to shout,” Edward answered, suddenly appearing behind him on the stairs. “I can hear as well as you can.”

He started toward Edward without thinking, his hand outstretched and aimed right at his throat. “She’s not hurt, Derek,” Edward replied calmly.

“She is,” he growled. “She called me.”

“And she is _not_ hurt,” Edward repeated, his hands up. “I already talked to Bella and Alice.” 

Derek stopped, realizing quickly the reason no one looked upset by his sudden arrival. It wasn’t sudden _for them_. They had been expecting him, and his reaction, which meant Alice could see their future, even with Derek and the rest of the pack involved. 

Something was going on. 

“What… how?” he asked, dropping his hand. 

“I have no idea,” Edward answered truthfully. “Why don’t we go to Carlisle’s study, though? See if we can’t figure out what’s going on?”

“I want to go to _her_ ,” Derek announced. 

He hadn’t meant to stay this long, honestly. He’d had every intention after getting off the phone with Lily of coming over to kill Edward and anyone who got in his way, and then going straight to her. He saw now how that might have been a tad dramatic, but at the time it made all the sense in the world. 

“Let’s get you upstairs, okay? Jackson, Isaac, Scott, you’re welcome to come, of course.”

They all mumbled something behind Derek about not wanting to intrude, and he knew it was more for his sake than Edward’s, which he appreciated. He knew they would figure it out easily enough when he phased again, but for now he wanted to give Lily as much privacy as possible. She had told him things that Derek was positive she’d never shared with another living person, and he didn’t want to turn around and promptly betray that trust. 

As Edward started upstairs, he stood at the bottom, not knowing what to do. His whole body was screaming at him not to waste any more time. She needed him. He couldn’t stay here sitting around trying to figure out anything else. He had to get to Seattle. 

“She’s fine, Derek,” Edward said again, now at the second story landing. “Come on.” 

He sighed heavily and then followed after Edward, leaving Isaac, Scott, and Jackson staring holes into the back of his head as he ascended. He wanted to be able to turn around and tell them everything was okay, but it wasn’t and he couldn’t lie to them. There was never any point. 

When he got to the top, he rounded the corner and went straight into Carlisle’s study. He remembered his way easily enough, even though he had only been inside a handful of times. Most of it had been to discuss some dire matter where Bella was concerned, so he knew it shouldn’t surprise him that it now extended to Lily. 

“Why don’t we start with you telling me what she said?” Edward offered when Derek was inside fully. “Maybe that’ll help. If you’re comfortable,” he tacked on quickly. 

Derek nodded and swallowed hard as he paced in front of the bookshelves that lined the walls. “She called and said she wanted to talk,” he began. “It was like she’d been crying.” He shut his eyes to keep from completely delving into the memory. “She was talking really fast and I didn’t know what she was talking about at first. She said something about being nervous about shopping because she can never find her size and she didn’t want to upset anyone.”

Edward nodded along as he talked, like he had heard this part already. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, but… I don’t really know what any of it means.”

“You do,” Edward contradicted. “You do what it means. You just don’t want to admit it yet. And that’s fine. But she called you, so she trusts you. Bella’s pretty upset she didn’t call _her_ , by the way. But I’ve explained as best as I could about trauma, though I’m not as well-versed in it as Lily is, unfortunately.”

Derek hung his head as he listened now, his hands on his hips. Edward was right, of course. He didn’t want to rehash any of the details Lily had shared with him and he hoped Edward could just pick them out of his brain instead. He didn't want to say them out loud. It had been hard enough for him to hear the words. Saying them sounded impossible. 

Someone had hurt her in the worst ways. They had torn her down and made her believe the most outrageous lies about her body. He’d never forgive himself for not being there, even though it was in no way his fault. Nothing about his love for her was logical, though, so he didn’t see why this had to be either. 

“Very true,” Edward said quietly, listening to Derek’s thoughts. “I know that Bella has no right to be upset. And she knows that too. Like you, uh, said, this isn’t logical.” 

“I’m sorry she’s upset,” Derek whispered. 

“It’s not your problem, Derek. It’s mine. And it’s Bella’s, but please don’t take that on too, okay? You’ve got enough here. More than enough.” 

“I can’t fix this,” he said, looking back up finally. “I can’t undo this damage.”

“No. You can’t,” Edward conceded. “But she isn’t asking that of you.” 

“She called _me_. She must on some level.”

“No,” Edward repeated. “She just needed someone to talk to, to unload on, and she picked you. You’re the first person who popped into her head, so take pride in that. She trusts you.” 

“I don’t… I can’t… She shouldn’t trust me, Edward. I’m just as broken as she is.”

“I get why you think that, but it’s not true. I’ve told you that since I met you,” he offered. 

Derek laughed humorlessly, remembering all the times Edward had done just that. And while he had never really seen Edward as a friend, per se, he couldn’t help but see that he had always subconsciously classified him that way. 

“Thank you, Derek.”

He sighed heavily again. “What do I do?”

“I’m not sure. This is… abuse at the highest levels. It’s a total assault. Not just on her body, but on her mind. She doesn’t see herself clearly. Have… have you ever heard of body dysphoria?” 

Derek shook his head. 

“She sees herself as someone unlovable due to her size. Because of what she was told, she thinks she’s disgusting, abhorrent.” 

Derek scoffed and felt a lump in his throat he suddenly couldn’t dislodge. None of it could be further from that if she tried, and it had nothing to do with her size one way or the other. It might be the imprinting that made him feel that way, to a degree, but it wouldn’t have mattered to Derek. She was beautiful, inside and out. He had no idea how she was blind to that. 

“She needs a therapist,” Edward announced quietly. “She needs someone other than you to talk to. A professional. It requires an actual medical diagnosis, which means…”

“Which means it’s a medical condition,” Derek finished for him. Edward nodded. “I’ll help her find someone.”

“You’re going to have to do better than that,” Edward explained. “She isn’t going to want to go. She isn’t going to see the problem. If something as simple as a shopping trip brought all this up, it’s a lot bigger than she realizes. That’s… dangerous.” 

“What… what if I can’t keep her safe?”

“From herself?” Edward clarified. 

Derek nodded, trying his best to keep his breathing even and steady. He was on the verge of passing out as it was, so he really didn’t need to hyperventilate on top of it. 

“You can. I have absolute faith. You love her like I love Bella. And where I have failed before, I know you won’t. I don’t think you _can_.” 

“But what if…”

“No. Stop,” he said, walking forward. “No. You are not going to fail. Even if all you ever are is her friend and that’s the only way she can love you. Even if you have to one day watch her walk down the aisle to marry another man, you will still love her and be everything she needs you to be, correct?”

“Yes,” Derek answered, absolute conviction radiating from him. “Yes, of course.”

“That’s how I know. You’re better than me, Derek. I could never do that for Bella. I am completely selfish in that regard.” 

He stayed quiet for a second, not sure how to respond to Edward’s outburst. Then decided he had another question anyway he wanted the answer to more. “Should I stay here until she gets back?” 

A minute ago, taking anyone’s advice on this particular matter would’ve been laughable to him, but he knew that Edward would steer him in the right direction when his emotions had taken over and clouded his better judgement. And he needed that from him. His betas and omegas would be too nervous to tell him the truth when it came to Lily. 

“I think you should. She’s with everyone and she’s perfectly safe. Now that Alice knows there are issues, she can watch for them and make sure Lily is having a good time. When she gets home, you can address this delicately,” Edward said. 

He nodded, agreeing with every word Edward was saying. He didn’t need to go up there and interrupt her weekend. He didn’t need to remind her of everything she had confided in him and possibly embarrass her. She needed to relax.

“Speaking of that,” Edward interrupted his thoughts, “we think that’s why Alice didn’t see it coming. She, uh, hasn’t ever been relaxed enough before to address a lot of these problems inside herself. She wouldn’t have made a conscious decision to think about those things. And she has a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms. Ones no one has ever cared to bring up before, like the drinking, so…”

“Ex––excuse me?” Derek stuttered. “The _what_?” 

“Oh, uh, I thought you knew that,” Edward said, his eyebrows pulling in the middle. “I thought you could smell it like I could.”

“Smell it? Smell what?”

“The alcohol, Derek. She drinks every single day. She has a bottle hidden in her closet. I think she has enough just to function. It’s how she deals with everything that’s happened to her.”

Derek ran a hand through his hair as he turned around, gripping the nearest bookshelf in an effort to calm and steady himself again. This ran so much deeper than his imprinting and he was an idiot for not seeing it. He had been so consumed by the fact that she was who she was that he hadn’t stopped to think of anything that might’ve happened to her before she came to Forks. 

This was bad. So, so bad. 

“You can’t give up on her, Derek,” Edward insisted. 

Derek whipped back around at the accusation. “I wouldn’t do that,” he growled. “Ever.”

Edward put his hands back up slowly. “I know. I just meant that I know it’s a lot and while the imprinting situation is very strong, it doesn’t mean it’s this invincible thing that makes normal relationship problems nonexistent. I know you’ve seen Allison and Scott and Stiles and Lydia and it all seems very picturesque. But…”

“But they don’t have our _individual_ problems. I get it, Edward. They’re not fucked up like us.” 

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Edward sighed and put down his hands before shaking his head. “I didn’t say that.”

“Let’s just, uh, figure this shit out before she gets home and I have to ruin her whole life by trying to tear down everything she knows.”

Edward nodded again, but his eyes were much more sad than before. Derek had seen that look for a long time, and he understood it, but he hated it too. Edward felt bad for them, and Derek knew that was a perfectly normal reaction. Edward wanted to fix them. That made sense, but not this time. Some things weren’t fixable. You simply learned to survive an ever present storm.


	16. the eaten moon

Derek rubbed his eyes as he groaned in frustration. They’d been at this for hours and he was no closer to being able to start this incredibly delicate conversation in any way that made him feel or sound human. And he needed to be able to at least fake it by tomorrow when Lily got home. 

Sure, Edward was still here and still trying to help, but it wasn’t working. Edward’s patience might be unlimited after a hundred years of living or whatever, but Derek’s was _not_. 

He felt like a failure and the longer they tried, the more hopeless it seemed. There was no use. Derek had no experience being a functioning person either. He used just as many unhealthy coping mechanisms as Lily did, so no matter how much Edward or even Bella wanted this to work, maybe what they both needed was to stay the hell away from each other. 

And then, just like that, the ache was back. She _needed_ him. He didn’t have a choice. He couldn’t leave this time. He couldn’t run away like he was used to. No, he had to stay. He had to do what he could and pray it didn’t make it all worse. 

“Stop, Derek,” Edward whispered. “You’re doing it again.”

“Am not,” he lied petulantly. 

He shook his head, knowing how childish he sounded, and opened his eyes slowly. He was met with Bella’s concern from where she sat on the couch behind Edward, her feet tucked up underneath her as she watched them. He wouldn’t deny that he was waiting for her to tell him he wasn’t ever allowed to see Lily again, but she had been quiet the whole time. And he had no idea if that was bad or not. He didn’t know Bella well enough. 

And it wasn’t like he’d blame her either. 

Since Lily had called him and revealed what she saw as her dirty little secret, he had gone into overdrive to figure out the best ways to help and support her when she got home. But it wasn’t enough. _He_ wasn’t enough. 

Edward sighed again and put his hands on his hips. Sometimes Derek wished he could be alone with his thoughts for just a minute around Edward. He had no idea how his family stood it, or if they were just used to the invasion by now. Bottom line, Derek was allowed to get frustrated. Just because Edward could hear that didn’t make it Derek’s problem too. 

“This isn’t frustration,” Edward countered. “Start again.”

Esme flitted into the room and put her hand on Derek’s back, rubbing it softly. He turned and gave her a smile, thankful he had thought far enough ahead to put on the cable knit sweater he was now wearing. It kept the ice cold chill out from where she and the others might touch him, offering their support. It was sweet, though totally undeserved, and he didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by flinching away. Even if they knew why. 

“Why don’t you guys take a break?” she offered, looking hopefully at Edward. “I can get you a sandwich or something.”

“No,” Derek replied, resigned to his fate. “Thank you, though, Esme.”

“You’ll get this, honey.”

He took a deep breath, nodded once at her, and then Edward’s phone started to vibrate on the table in front of them. When it didn’t stop, he realized it was a call, or about a hundred texts, and it had to be important. No one ever called Edward. They were all in the habit of texting each other now since everyone was off doing something lately. 

Derek looked up at Edward first, waiting for him to figure out what was happening. Edward rolled his eyes after another second, putting it to his ear. “Start again,” he instructed Derek. “For them.”

He nodded and looked over to Bella. Maybe that would help, actually, he thought. He could probably imagine Lily in Bella’s place way more than he could with Edward. Because as much as he liked Edward, they were still locked in a centuries old feud between their species and it was embedded in both of them. Almost impossible to ignore some days. Maybe the problem wasn’t Derek at all. 

_Yeah, right_ , his mind screamed. 

“Alice, calm down,” Edward said from the other room. “I can’t understand you. No. No. Alice, wh––what? Alice?”

Derek’s heart rate shot up as he stood and Esme’s fingers linked with his in a futile effort to keep him there, though if he really wanted to leave, he could have. They both knew that. 

She was mothering him. And it was nice. He hadn’t had anything resembling that in far too long. But the anguish and pain in Edward’s voice was hard to ignore. Something was happening. 

Alice Cullen did not get surprised. 

Esme gave his hand a squeeze as he started to shake uncontrollably at the thought of Lily in Seattle involved in a horrible accident. 

“Sit down, sweetheart,” she called to him quietly. 

But he ignored her, staying upright somehow as he hung on Edward’s every word in the other room, fighting desperately to hear the other end of the call. 

“Let me talk to Lydia, Alice. Or Stiles,” he offered, his voice more panicked now. “Where is Stiles, Alice?”

Derek took a step forward, knowing if he could just get a few feet closer, he could hear what he needed to figure out if he should leave or not. He just needed some proof. If she was in danger, no one would be able to stop him. No one would _want_ to. 

A piercing howl broke through his thoughts from somewhere deep in the woods and a shiver ran down his spine. The urge to phase was overwhelming, but he stayed in his human form. Jackson could come to him. He was the one on patrol, and how he found anything out, he had no idea, but he knew where Derek was and if he was brave enough, he could deliver the bad news on his terms. 

Bella looked up at him next, tears swimming in her eyes as Esme was forced to let go finally. “Derek? What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” he said, walking past her. “Hold on, Bells. Okay?”

“Derek?” she whined, her voice breaking as she tried to follow him. 

“Stay here, Bella,” he commanded gently. “Stay here.”

He had no idea what he was about to uncover, but she was the only person in the house who was human. If he couldn’t control himself, he didn’t want to be responsible for hurting her too. He wouldn’t survive something like that. And neither would Charlie. Or Edward. 

Then again, none of them would survive if something happened to Lily either, so maybe it would be a kindness to keep her from suffering. 

He was fucked. End of story. 

“Okay, thanks, Stiles. Yep. Yep.” Edward paused. “Okay, we’ll be here. Just… hurry up.”

He shut the phone and let out a small sigh before turning around, jumping slightly at the sight of Derek, which stunned him. He hadn’t been aware sneaking up on Edward was even something you could do. 

“Normally, it’s not,” he growled, striding past him.

Derek reached out and grabbed his arm. “What’s happening? Where’s Lily?”

“They found her, but… we need to talk.”

“Is she alive, Edward?” Derek begged. 

He watched Edward closely as he went to answer, but he couldn’t place the look he gave him. It wasn’t quite sadness, but it wasn’t the relief he’d been hoping for either. 

“Of course,” he finally said. 

Derek blew out a deep breath he had no idea he’d been holding in and his hand fell, letting Edward leave. But as soon as he was gone, Derek fell to his knees hard. The feeling––whatever it was––that washed over him was overwhelming. He didn’t remember giving himself permission to imagine he had lost her permanently, but clearly it had been there. 

He clung desperately to the wall and tried to claw his way back into a standing position, but it wasn’t working. His legs weren’t working. And he was suddenly finding it very difficult to breath too. 

Then Derek felt someone pick him up under the arms and help him into the other room. They sat him on the couch with Esme again and that’s when he noticed Emmett. Both Jasper and Carlisle had joined them, but the edges of Derek’s vision were closing in rapidly and he was finding it hard to stay present. 

“You can’t do that, Derek,” Edward snapped. “Not right now. I know what you thought, and I’m sorry your mind went there. _Believe_ me. I know how horrible it is to think something like that, but you can’t do this right now. This is important. Lily… killed a vampire.”

Whatever Derek had expected to fall from Edward’s lips, that sure as shit was _not_ it. The words made no sense. Lily couldn’t kill anything, much less a vampire. She wasn’t capable. She was gentle. She was soft. She was so utterly human. There had to be some mistake. 

“I don’t know how much of that is true,” Edward said, speaking directly to Derek and his thoughts. “She cannot be all human. Not with the strength Stiles described.”

“What is it, Edward?” Carlisle asked, wanting to be involved too. 

“It seems… while they were out to dinner, Lily suddenly broke off from the group,” Edward explained, causing Bella to gasp. He sat down next to her finally and pulled her hands into his much larger ones, but he kept his eyes trained on Derek the whole time. “They found her a few minutes later. A vampire was closing in and when they got close enough, she just… killed them.”

“How?” Jasper asked, something like awe in his voice. 

“I have no idea. Rosalie said it was a newborn, so I’m not sure. And Alice said Lily just ripped the head off. Completely removed it by herself. Everyone saw her do it too. Well, everyone she came with. Apparently she found the vampire down a deserted alleyway. They’re all cleaning up right now. The newborn had bitten a human and was about to…”

His words filtered off, but neither Derek or anyone else in the room really needed him to finish the sentence. 

“The point is that Lily is a bit more than we assumed. And they’re coming back.” Edward took a deep breath and then turned to Carlisle. “Have you ever heard of something like this?”

Derek looked over at him too, waiting for an answer. It still didn’t make sense to him, but maybe it didn’t have to. She was okay, or at least alive, so he could work with that. 

“I’m not sure,” Carlisle finally admitted for everyone’s benefit after a few excruciating seconds. “I think I’ve heard rumors once. In Italy. But it seemed more like a scary story you tell newborns to keep them in line.”

“Wh––what are they?” Bella asked next. 

“There were… talks of something called Slayers. I’m not sure I ever got the full story,” he explained. “But they were supposed to be able to blend in well with humans. Or they were humans. I’m very fuzzy on the details. I’m so sorry. I wish I could tell you more right now,” he said, looking at Derek. “I’ll look up as much as I can until they get home so we can provide you both some answers.”

“Rosalie’s driving?” Emmett asked the room.

“Yes,” Edward said. 

“They’ll be home in an hour then,” he scoffed. “What do you need me to do, man?”

“I’m not sure,” Edward confessed. “Stiles is going to call me back when they’re all checked out of the hotel and on their way back. Alice is too upset.”

Jasper tensed beside Emmett. “Why?” 

“Her friend killed a vampire,” Edward declared. “She’s distraught, Jasper. She will be fine. But she didn’t see it coming either and she is starting to question her ability to keep anyone safe.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Esme said quietly, shaking her head. “Neither of your powers is perfect.”

She said this with only the consternation that a mother could properly muster, unable to understand her children’s inability to see themselves clearly. In any other circumstance, it would’ve seemed endearing, but Derek was too worried for that. 

“Am I the only goddamn human?” Bella hissed from Edward’s side, jerking her hands out of his grasp. “Why am I…”

A loud knock interrupted what was sure to be an epic rant and Edward stood quickly to answer it. Derek could already hear the rest of his pack on the other side of the door, though, and wondered why they bothered knocking anymore. But he supposed he should be happy they were polite, if nothing else. 

“There’s always Stiles, Bella,” Emmett tried to reason. 

She scoffed and crossed her arms, and Derek found it increasingly difficult not to laugh at her expression. He really knew he shouldn’t, but the way she was throwing a fit about this one aspect made it all seem ridiculous. Her sister, who Derek was maddeningly, and apparently mystically, in love with had killed a vampire with her bare hands and Bella was upset that she seemed to be the only one without superpowers, as it were. 

How in the hell had they all ended up in this place? 

Scott, Isaac, Jackson, and even Allison came in without a word and sat down on his other side, waiting for Edward to talk. Even with where they were all sitting, Derek could tell there were no lines in the sand here. They were all on the same team for once, and because he had no idea what was going to happen next, he could use all the help he could get.


	17. waking up slow

Lily’s hands were stained the most horrible shade of red and she couldn’t stop staring at them as they made their way back home. And not just because Rosalie was going so fast she was pretty sure they were all going to die. 

She wanted to look up. But she couldn’t seem to make anything work. No one had said a word since her ‘incident’ and she knew it was because of how terrified of her they had to be now. Not that it didn’t make sense. She wouldn’t have even been able to get back in the car if it had been any of them, so they were already doing better than her. 

Lily did find it nice, though, that they were willing to take her home, give her a chance to see Charlie and Bella before they locked her away forever and ever. 

She was still trying to figure out what had happened, but every time she closed her eyes she was with them at dinner, all smiles, and then… she wasn’t. There was nothing in between. Nothing to make sense of her suddenly murderous nature. 

Her eyes popped back open as her breathing picked up, not wanting to relive the moments ever again. 

Finding herself covered in someone’s blood with their head in her lap. Their dismembered body callously tossed to the side. Only bits and pieces of a person that had a family and a life. 

Rosalie reached over, taking her eyes completely off the road and focusing all her attention on Lily for a moment. “Hey, it’s okay. We’re not gonna let anything happen to you, all right?”

Lily followed her hand all the way up to Rosalie’s gorgeous face, trying to understand. “What?” 

“We’re _going_ to figure this out,” she insisted.

Lily couldn’t grasp at all why that was an option right now, _them_ being worried about _her_. She was the monster here. The person they should definitely be hiding from, maybe even running from. They couldn’t just figure this out. Lily had killed someone. You didn’t figure that out. You went to jail. Forever. There was no other way. 

Clearly, the person that had been disguised by the many poofy dresses and pounds of makeup over the years was something none of them could fathom. They were being tricked by her somehow. Their initial judgment of her was clouding what they had all witnessed, not allowing them to process it correctly. 

But she had to make them see. She had to keep them safe. It would be her final act before she never saw any of them again. 

“Lily, no.”

Alice whispered the words, but Lily heard them as if she had screamed them. As soon as she had made up her mind to remove herself from the situation, Alice had stepped in like she understood Lily’s next steps better than she knew them herself. 

“It’s probably not going to kill you anyway,” Alice answered. “Now, don’t move or I will make you change seats back here with me and put on the child locks.”

Her voice was harsher than Lily had ever known it could be and the shame that washed over her for even thinking something like that, even for a second, was instantaneous. She hadn’t thought of the aftermath for anyone else. She just didn’t want to see anyone else innocent get hurt and she definitely wouldn’t describe herself that way anymore. 

It made sense at the time. But Alice was right. That was a very permanent solution, and one she could never undo for all those she left behind. She also knew that no matter what she had done, Charlie would be there, and if she just left him alone he would never recover. After all the work he had done to find her, she owed it to him to suffer through her consequences. He had sacrificed far too much for her to give up like that. 

The motivation may not be totally where it should be, but it was there and it would keep her in the car. Hopefully that was enough to keep Alice satisfied. 

Stiles climbed over the very back seat and came to sit next to Alice right behind her. He put both his hands on her shoulders and gave them a reassuring squeeze. She wanted to brush him off, knowing no one should be comforting her right now, but she didn’t have the strength. 

“Do you wanna call Derek, Lil?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?” Stiles insisted. “I’m sure it’d make you feel better.”

 _Feel better_? She didn’t deserve to _feel better._ She had killed someone. What the hell was happening? Why were they acting like something had been done _to_ her instead of her committing an unspeakable act? 

No, talking to Derek was out of the question. If that man’s family wouldn’t feel better, she couldn’t justify it for herself either. Even for the smallest measurable amount of time. Even if it was true and hearing his voice would help. 

“No,” she repeated simply. 

Stiles nodded, gave her shoulders another squeeze, and scooted back in his seat. He started typing away to someone, but Lily didn’t bother to ask who he was talking to. Soon enough, it wouldn’t matter anyway. 

But when they pulled up in front of the Cullen house not ten minutes later, her confusion took hold again. Why were they here? Where was Charlie? And more importantly, why had no one called the cops yet? 

They all huddled around her as they led her to the door, but before she could even lift her head again, it swung open and revealed Derek on the other side. He bolted toward her without a care for his own safety, and headed straight for her. Everyone else backed up and gave him room, heading inside quietly, but for every step he took toward her, she took several backward. She needed to put space in between them. 

She held out her hands, but he advanced anyway, his arms outstretched like he might hug her. 

“Lily, please,” he begged.

But she didn’t understand. He needed to get away from her. Far, far away. All of them did. She needed to go to the police. 

“Stay there,” she said. “Please, Derek. Stay there. I don’t wanna hurt anyone else.”

“What?” he asked, his arms falling. “What are you… what?”

“Did they not tell you?” 

“Tell me what, Lily? Talk to me. Please. We’ll fix it. I swear.”

“Why do you all keep saying that?” she cried. “This can’t be fixed. I fucking killed someone, Derek. Someone should be arresting me right now.”

He scoffed and then started to laugh. Before long, his laughter was bouncing off the trees that surrounded the large house, but she didn’t get the joke. 

“You can't be arrested for what you did,” he admitted after he managed to get quiet again. 

“Look at me,” she screeched. 

She pointed to her brand new jeans, expertly faded but with no holes, like Alice requested. They were covered in someone else’s _blood_. As was the cream-colored sweater that was managing to keep her warm despite the chill in the air and the gentle rain matting her hair to her face. 

“I am. I _am_ looking at you, okay? But you need to listen. Something else is going on here. Something I need to tell you, and I need you to trust me.”

“I don’t _know_ you,” she complained. “I don’t _know_ any of you. And you don’t know me.”

“Lily…”

“No, Derek, just stop. Give me your phone. Either you call my Dad or Noah or someone, or I will. You can’t just let me wander around like this. Something is going to happen. I’m going to kill someone else.”

He ran his hand through his hair and sighed heavily before starting toward her again. He didn’t give her time to react this time and when she tried to back up, she hit a tree. 

He wasted no time wrapping her up fully in his arms and she found she couldn’t hold anything back anymore. She just melted into his embrace. Then she started to cry and it was harder and louder than anything she’d heard come out of her mouth before, but she knew it was her. Only she could summon that level of anguish and sadness. 

Everything she had ever done or would ever do was housed in that cry. Everything that had ever happened to her, had made her the person capable of such an atrocity, was wrapped up in his arms too, barely holding onto consciousness. She was nothing more or less than all the trauma that she had carried with her until this moment. 

And somehow, he wasn’t letting go. 

“Are you hurt?” he worried loudly. “Let me see. Is any of it yours, Lily?”

She shook her head as he pulled up her arms and moved her sweater where most of the blood had pooled to reveal nothing underneath on her own skin. Then he started to move her hair out of the way, checking for bumps and bruises. The only thing he did manage to find were scratched palms from where she must have fallen on the cement at some point. And even that was unacceptable to him.

As soon as he saw them, he whined slightly and then pulled each of her hands up and kissed them lightly before looking back to her with tears swimming in his eyes. 

“I am so sorry I wasn’t there. That… that I didn’t tell you.”

“Derek, I don’t know what you mean,” she admitted.

“I know, but you will. Just… just promise you’ll trust me.”

“I can’t… I don’t understand how that can be remotely important,” she confided. “I _killed_ someone.”

“You killed some _thing_ ,” he muttered. “Come on. Come inside. I’ll explain everything.”

He let his hands run down her arms slowly until he found hers and then he intertwined their fingers until there was no way she could let him go. And no way she wanted to either. 

He tugged her gently toward the door, and without thinking of anything else, she let him take her inside where all their friends were waiting to decide her fate.


	18. if this is love

“Can we all just take a step back?” Stiles began. “Bella had a whole-ass year to come to terms with _one_ of these things. You’re about to unload all of it at once. That’s… it’s too much.”

“What other choice is there?” Jackson asked.

“Why are you here? Why is he here?”

“I’m in the pack,” he argued. “Why the fuck are _you_ here?”

“Boys,” Esme chided. “And Stiles is right, Carlisle. Bella found out about vampires first. And on her own.”

“Then about bad vampires,” Allison interjected. 

“And then about werewolves,” Boyd said. “Without the vampires there too. So, like, one at a time.”

Erica nodded along with him from where she sat in his lap, arms folded over her chest. 

“That’s very true,” Carlisle agreed, running a finger along his bottom lip as he soaked in all their words. 

“And I’m not a Slayer,” Bella added. “I didn’t have anything else to deal with.”

“That’s enough all by itself,” Lydia argued.

“Derek?” Edward asked, pointing his chair toward him. “Why are you so quiet? Now would be the time to give your opinion.”

“Technically, his is the only one that matters,” Scott contended. “He imprinted on her.”

“Yeah, that’s not how it works, Scott,” Derek mumbled. 

“That’s how it _should_ work,” Jackson objected. 

Everyone turned to Jackson slowly, but he didn’t look at all embarrassed like Derek felt he should. Instead, he just shrugged. Jackson’s go-to response, whether he was right or wrong. His walls were about as high as Lily’s, but his made him look like an asshole, unfortunately.

“Lily is her own person,” Derek continued. “ _Hers_ is the only one that matters, but unfortunately we don’t have a choice anymore. She has to know it all. And right now.”

“And if she leaves?” Bella questioned. “If she runs away and never talks to us again?”

Derek swallowed hard, trying his hardest not to imagine such a scenario. He couldn't _really_ be away from her. He would watch from afar, keeping her safe as best he could without interfering, but he couldn’t tell Bella that either. 

“She needs to know,” he said, directly to Bella. “And then she can decide what to do with the information, but it isn’t fair to withhold it anymore. It’s cruel, Bella. You know that. What happened when Edward made up your mind for you?”

Edward winced at his words and Derek hated himself for resorting to that memory. He knew it hurt them both deeply to reopen that particular wound, but he had to explain it in a way she would understand.

“She needs to know,” Bella finally agreed. 

“So, like, who tells her?” Stiles implored. 

Again, all eyes fell to Derek, but he knew it couldn’t be him. He wouldn’t get it right. He needed to just be there for her and nothing else. And he knew that might not be enough either, but his inexperience couldn’t be what ruined this experience for her. He’d never forgive himself. 

“I can do it,” Carlisle offered. 

“Thank you,” Derek whispered, standing up and striding from the dining room. 

He went right to the couch and waited for Lily as everyone else filed in silently around him and Bella. She sat next to him, leaving enough space for her sister in the middle and Edward went to stand in between them behind the couch, putting a hand on each of their shoulders. 

“Strange bedfellows indeed,” Edward commented quietly, causing Derek to smirk at their private conversation. 

But it was cut short when Alice appeared from around the corner with Lily right behind her. He hadn’t been concentrating on anything before except making sure she was okay and hadn’t noticed all the changes in her appearance from the trip they’d just cut short.

Her hair was now a bright auburn color with streaks of subtle brown throughout, causing her blue eyes to pop in a way they hadn’t before, even as sad as they were currently. 

Alice had taken her upstairs to change out of her bloodied clothes, and instead of her normal outfit, she was pulling at the hems of her long sleeves to try and hide her hands. A nervous habit Derek never got to witness with all the clothes she had brought from California.

Derek had never known her _not_ to look gorgeous and stunning, but this seemed more… her. He felt like he was seeing the real Lily for the first time. 

Edward gave a squeeze as she sat down next to him and he fought to keep his hands in his own lap. He didn’t want to do anything she didn’t want right now, and invading her space for any reason seemed like an awful approach on a typical day. 

Carlisle stood up as Lily tucked into Bella’s side, her bare feet underneath her like Bella’s had been earlier when she was listening to Derek trying to figure out how to explain completely separate shit. Another problem for another day now.

“Lily, I know this is going to sound insane, all of what I’m about to tell you, but I need you to know that we would never lie to you and that you need to listen to all of it, okay? For your own safety?”

“My safety?”

He nodded. “I’m not completely sure where to start, so I’m just going to give you some of our story and then theirs and we’ll discuss your situation at the end. Does that sound okay?”

“I guess.” She shrugged. “Do I have a choice?”

Carlisle gave her a sad smile and shook his head. “Unfortunately not.”

Lily sat up a bit straighter and Derek’s whole body stiffened as he waited to see what she would do, or who she might want, next. 

“Can you promise me that if I try to hurt anyone else you will call the police immediately?”

“I promise.” 

She nodded and then waited patiently for Carlisle to begin. 

“I was born a very long time ago, and for a while, I was by myself. I adopted Edward first and then found Esme. Next was Rosalie and Emmett, and then finally Jasper and Alice, who came to us as a unit.”

Lily’s eyebrows pulled and Derek was sure that was because she knew this part already, or most of it. He hoped Carlisle would get to the point soon. He could feel her ready to bolt at the earliest opportunity. 

“The thing I left out, we all left out, was the amount of time between each of those encounters. Because I am roughly 360 years old, Lily. And none of us are exactly what we seem.”

“You mean,” she swallowed roughly, “you’re not… completely human?”

“Yes. And neither is anyone in this room except Bella, Allison, and Stiles.”

Stiles held up his hand to high-five Bella, but she just rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to Lily. He turned to Allison to try his luck with her next, but she just shook her head and put his hand down for him. 

“What, um, what are you?”

“Vampires,” Carlisle whispered. “And it is because of that we believe you staying and asking any questions you have is imperative to your safety. And anyone else’s safety that lives in Forks. Our one rule is not to tell anyone, or anyone human, and we’ve just violated that.”

“So…” Lily began, shaking her head. “I don’t understand.”

“I wouldn’t imagine you could. Not very easily anyway. Do you have any specific questions?”

“No—not really. I can’t… make sense of any of it. How could you be a vampire?”

“I was bitten,” Carlisle explained. “When I was in my early twenties. Everyone in my family, minus Alice and Jasper, was bitten by me. We have chosen a non-conventional approach where our diet is concerned. But most of what you’ve seen in movies and on television is incorrect.”

“And we would never, ever hurt you, Lily,” Alice offered sweetly. 

The hint of a smile played on her lips, but it disappeared before Derek could be sure it had been there at all. 

“And what is everyone else?” 

“Werewolves,” Derek announced, trying to remain calm. “Jackson, Boyd, Isaac, Erica, Lydia, and Scott.” 

“And you?” Lily asked, turning to look at him finally. 

“And me,” he answered, hanging his head. 

“And I’m guessing TV has that all wrong too?” 

“Most of it,” Stiles said with a scoff, repeating Carlisle’s words. “But the sex is great.”

Lydia hit his arm hard and he rubbed it as he went to stand behind Scott, pretending to be mortally wounded.

“And what am I?” she asked next, ignoring Stiles and his antics pretty well. “I’m not a vampire and I’m not a werewolf, so… where does that leave me? And why do you guys all seem to think that gets me out of jail time?”

“That… person you killed,” Rosalie said slowly, choosing her words carefully, “wasn’t human either. He was a newborn. A newborn vampire. He did kill the person whose blood was all over your clothes, unfortunately, but you put a stop to him causing any more trouble, Lily.”

“And that’s why you can't exactly be arrested either,” Derek conceded. 

She nodded and chewed on her bottom lip while she seemed to digest all this new information. Derek looked to Edward to see if he should be concerned, but he just appeared to be concentrating as hard as he could on listening to Lily’s thoughts. 

He knew how hard it was for Edward to hear them, and while they couldn’t be sure her supernatural abilities were to blame, having them activated in such a harsh and violent manner probably didn’t help matters either. 

Hopefully he would hear something before she did anything too rash, though. 

“You don’t have a name for me then?” she wondered, looking up at Carlisle. 

“I think the term our community uses is Slayer. Now, we found a lot more than I assumed we would, and we can go over it as soon as you’re ready, but…”

“Slayer? Like Buffy?” she interrupted. “You can’t be serious.”

“You draw the line at Buffy?” Jackson asked sincerely. “Werewolves and vampires are okay, but Slayer is too much?”

“Well, something was bound to be,” Esme contested. “This is too much, Carlisle.”

A small disagreement on how to proceed broke out as Lily stood up, silencing the whole room. “I need… I need some air.”

Derek watched her walk calmly from the room and then turned to Edward, praying he had answers. 

“You might wanna go after her,” he said when the door shut quietly. “She’s running.”

Derek didn’t need any other invitation as he hopped off the couch and started to strip off his clothes on the way out the door. Maybe if she could see it—see him as a werewolf—instead of just hearing about it in an abstract manner, that would make it easier. 

_Or it could make it worse, idiot_ , his mind rebelled.

He phased effortlessly, carrying only his pants in his mouth as he darted after her. He was sure phasing back to talk to her and being completely nude might not be the best plan.

She was faster than he thought she could be, though, but he managed to catch up just as she crossed the official town line, very near his house. She slowed to a stop when she heard him get closer, but instead of getting scared she just sat down on the forest floor and waited for him to sit next to her. 

He dropped his pants nearby, but didn’t phase into his human form, wanting to give her as much time as she needed. Eventually, he inched his way closer and closer until he was nuzzling her arm. Then her fingers were tangled in his fur and he found he could stay like that forever. 

She put her head against him after a while and started to cry again, but this time it was quiet. And it wasn’t as sad either. Just sort of resigned. He’d cried like that enough times to know the difference. 

After another minute, or maybe it was an hour, she lifted her head, wiped her eyes and announced, “I’m ready to talk.”

He nodded and then trotted off to change, taking his pants with him behind a tree. Thankfully, those same trees offered coverage as it started to rain harder than it had when they were at the Cullen house. 

They were close enough to his house to just talk there, if they needed to, but he wasn’t about to press his luck now.

“Hey,” he said lamely as he came out again. 

“Hi.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

He sighed and went to stand closer, and was happy to find she didn’t push him away this time. “I should’ve told you everything, especially after the imprinting, but Bella thought…”

“The what?”

“Uh, what?”

“The imprinting. What, uh, what’s that?”

“We don’t have to talk about that right now,” he offered, trying to diffuse another delicate situation. “I just meant that we thought we were keeping you safe. All of us.”

“Does my Dad know?” she blurted out. 

“No.”

“And I can’t talk to anyone else about this?” He shook his head. “And there’s something about imprinting you’re keeping from me?” He nodded slowly. “Tell me.”

“This is too much, Lily. We need to talk about the Slayer stuff first.”

“No, we need to talk about imprinting. I know what it is, I think. But it better mean something completely fucking different to you guys.”

“Wh—why?”

“Because all this creepy couple shit seems real cult-like in Forks and if it’s because of imprinting and you’re telling me it’s happened to me, I’m going to have a problem with it. It better not be fucking Isaac, Derek. I swear to God.”

“It’s not,” he said. “It’s not him.”

“Well, then… who?”

She stood there with her hands on her hips, mid-pace, looking completely and utterly done with the whiplash-inducing information she had learned, and he knew this would be it. The last straw. It was all happening too fast. She probably didn’t even realize she had stood up. 

“Oh my God. It’s you?” She gasped. “You fucking… Oh my God. That’s why… that’s why you. Oh my God.”

She shook her head in disbelief as she sputtered only semi-coherent words, trying to wrap her mind around it. 

“That’s why what?” Derek asked, unable to help himself.

“You don’t _like_ me,” she said sharply. “You imprinted on me. I’m so stupid. Of course you don’t like me. Look at you.” She gestured at him vaguely. “Look at _me_.”

And he was, he always was. He couldn’t look anywhere else now, in fact. 

“I don’t understand,” he admitted. 

“You think you like me, but it’s not true.” 

“Of course it’s true. You’re hilarious and sarcastic and gorgeous. Why… why wouldn’t it be true? Anybody would have to be blind not to see that. Especially now.”

Her eyebrows perked at the last comment. “Especially now? What does that mean?”

“I just… I just meant you look more comfortable like… like this.”

Her eyes narrowed to slits. “How would you know what makes me comfortable? You do not know me, Derek Hale. None of it is real.”

“I don’t…”

“Shut up,” she spat at him. “Just shut up. I don’t want to hear another word from you. I’m going back to the Cullens. I won’t tell anyone, but I have to make sure I don’t hurt anymore… whatever you guys called them. But don’t you dare follow me. Do. Not. Follow. Me. Do you understand?”

He nodded as she left, waiting until she was the appropriate amount of space away before he followed after her.


	19. whiplash

Bella’s truck ambled along toward Charlie’s house, moving as it always did at a very leisurely pace. Today, Lily was happy for the extra time to think and absorb everything she’d learned tonight. 

They were making their way through Forks way past any curfew that would’ve applied to them only a few months ago, but right now Lily found herself wide awake. And somehow also imagining things. Things like wolves following along the road, but staying hidden in the woods. Or maybe she wasn’t imagining things at all and Derek hadn’t listened to her. 

She had no idea which was worse. 

When they pulled into the driveway, it was only a few seconds before Edward was opening Bella’s door for her. Lily tried to offer him a smile, but she was too tired right now to worry about niceties. And clearly he was way past trying to seem human. 

They let Lily go in first, unlocking the door quietly and making her way up the stairs without stepping on the one that made the most noise. She listened as she snuck into the room, making sure Charlie’s snores didn’t stutter at all. 

When she was satisfied, she shut their door and almost yelled when she saw both Edward and Bella standing there. She clutched her throat lightly and then swallowed her scream as best she could. 

Edward put a finger to his lips and then pointed to the open window they had obviously gone through. 

“I think I’ll sleep on the couch,” Lily offered, heading to the closet to grab a few things. 

“I can go.”

“It’s okay, Edward. Really. I just need a minute to myself.” 

“I don’t like the idea that I’m kicking you out of your room, though,” he said sheepishly. 

“It wasn’t ever my room,” Lily whispered.

The minute the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to take them back. She had been wanting to do that more and more since she had moved to Forks, and she knew this particular instance had to do with her filter being removed due to stress and lack of sleep, but knowing all that didn’t make her feel better either. 

“I’ll just go sleep downstairs,” she repeated. “Night.”

“Lily, please don’t go,” Bella begged. “This is your room too.”

She shook her head as she stood up, her pajamas in her hands. She didn’t want to say anything else, but there was no point in keeping secrets with Edward and Alice’s power. 

Someone would eventually find out something. 

“I’m worried,” she admitted, standing near the end of her bed. “I’m worried I’ll hurt you. After tonight, it’s clear we don’t know enough about the Slayer thing and I’m not comfortable with that. I think this is better. I’m not going to ask either of you to do without because of me. I’ve already messed up too much. Just… just let me do this for you guys. Please?”

Edward was the first to nod, though it was clear he didn’t really want to. She had no way of knowing if that thought had occurred to him before or if it bothered him now, but she had to operate under the assumption he had and it did. 

“Thanks,” she murmured. “See ya in the morning.”

Lily didn’t wait for anymore debate from Bella, slipping out as quickly and quietly as possible. She hovered on the top step again, listening to Charlie before heading to the couch, knowing full well she wasn’t going to get any sleep. 

For one thing, her phone hadn’t stopped vibrating with texts from Derek all night. Ever since she had demanded he leave her alone, he had taken to using his phone to try and contact her. Clearly he didn’t care what she wanted, so she didn’t let it make her feel guilty that he was upset by her lack of response. 

Or that’s what she told herself anyway. She knew she was really incapable of not feeling guilt and shame when someone else was upset and it was her fault. But in Forks she wanted to pretend to be something different, so she was determined not to answer. He could suffer and it wasn’t her job to worry about him anyway. They didn’t really know each other. A few flirty texts here and there and one phone call where she spilled her guts didn’t make for a relationship of any kind. 

She’d be okay. She wouldn’t miss him. She didn’t need his biting wit or his sarcastic words. They didn’t make her feel normal, whatever that even meant anymore. 

No, Lily would survive without him. She _had_ to. 

After spending way too long getting ready for bed, she finally tucked herself in, rolling over on her side and looking straight out the living room window into the woods behind the house. She shouldn’t have been shocked by what she saw there, but she was, if only for a second. 

There, in a neat little row, were four wolves, each in varying shades of black, mostly cloaked in darkness. She could imagine their real colors based on things like hair color, just like Derek’s, but didn’t know if that was true. She’d forgotten to ask. 

She’d ask soon. 

Not about Derek, of course, but everyone else. No one else was being friends with her out of some magical obligation. Not the way they had explained it to her anyway. Sure, none of them could hurt her because of the imprinting, but she didn’t believe any of them capable of that anyway. 

She didn’t miss, as she counted each one, that Derek wasn’t there. Even with the absence of light, she could still make out their outlines, and she already recognized that Derek was gone. 

Well, gone was probably not entirely accurate. The way her phone incessantly vibrated underneath the covers told her he couldn’t be far away. But he wasn’t a wolf. 

She let her mind race as she went back over everything Carlisle, Edward, and Scott had explained, almost like counting sheep. But it didn’t make her sleepy. She should’ve known better. 

She pulled out her phone finally, set on turning it off, when she accidentally read a few of the messages. 

**> I know this is absolutely insane. But it doesn’t mean that it’s not real either.**

**> Just talk to me, Lily. **

**> Please. **

**> I would never do anything to hurt you. **

She couldn’t help but scoff at the last one. Did he not understand he had already hurt her by keeping the reason for their, whatever it was, a secret? Yes, she had already forgiven Bella for hiding it, but Derek was different. His betrayal didn’t seem rooted in kindness like Bella’s did. 

She couldn’t describe it, but she could almost taste it, lingering on the tip of her tongue. It stung her eyes and caused her chest to feel heavy, laboring her breathing. 

That wasn’t what this was supposed to feel like, even if she didn't exactly know what _this_ was yet. 

Lily huffed quietly and then rolled over to her other side, facing the couch. She was glad they were looking out for her, but she hoped Derek let them all go home soon. 

And then it hit her. 

She _could_ help in some small way. She could make sure her friends got the sleep they needed. There was no real need for a patrol. 

**< Send them home. **

The message came back quickly, not that she expected anything else. 

**> I can’t do that. **

**< Send them home. If it’s about Victoria, I’m here. Edward’s here. No one’s going to hurt Bella or Charlie now. Let them get some sleep.**

**> I’m coming then. **

**< Fine. **

**> Can we please talk?**

She sighed, trying to pick her words carefully. She didn’t want to give him false hope, but she didn’t want him to bombard her either. Lily had learned to be diplomatic, though, and the hard way. She knew how to manipulate people when it would keep her and her heart safe, and she only used it in those confines too. She never used her power for evil. 

**< I need time. Can you give me that? **

**> Yes. **

She found herself a bit uncomfortable with how easily that had worked, wondering if it had anything to do with the imprinting. She didn’t like the idea that Derek had only listened because of it, but she had to make sure everyone else didn’t get dragged into their drama either. That wasn’t fair for them. 

Lily had been sure to ask them all the questions that cropped up, but most had only confirmed her fears. Her mind was made up. Whatever they had been headed for, or whatever Derek had assumed came next, could never happen. If he was going to lead a normal life and she was going to find someone who might have some free will where she was concerned, they couldn’t do this. They could never be together. 

She went back to facing the couch, unable to stop herself from listening as one by one all the wolves trotted off somewhere in the dark and she was left with Derek. 

And as much as she found she hated the idea, hopefully it wouldn’t be too long before he could move on. As angry as she was right now, he deserved to find someone else. Anyone else. Someone he could fight with and not be blinded by. Someone he could love and not obsess over. Someone he could have a family with and never be so consumed that it made him and his pack vulnerable against all that threatened him. 

Someone else. 

Anyone else.


	20. closer

Derek paced in front of his phone where it lay on his kitchen table, trying to muster up the courage to call Peter. He could feel Boyd and Erica’s eyes on him, but he didn’t want to look up and see the questions in their eyes right now. He wasn’t going to be able to give them a satisfactory explanation either way. He wanted to. He wanted to be able to voice his emotions properly, but he had literally no experience with this. He was completely lost. Hence the need to call Peter. 

“Just do it,” Erica said quietly. “He’s not gonna get mad, dude. It’s fine.”

“I’m not worried about him getting mad,” Derek admitted, running a hand through his hair. “I’m just…”

“Not sure you wanna hear what he has to say,” Boyd finished for him. 

He stopped pacing and looked at Boyd, fire in his eyes. He wasn’t sure how he knew that, but it didn’t really matter. He was right. 

He sighed heavily and nodded his head before hanging it and putting his hands on his hips. In the last few days, waiting pretty fucking impatiently for Lily to say anything to him at all, he had gone back and forth between pissed and absolutely livid. Every once in a while he’d get concerned and then he’d call Edward and make sure she was okay. 

She always was. She just didn’t want to talk to him. 

Edward had offered advice too, of course. He told Derek to give her time to come to terms with everything, but it was killing him. He wanted to hear her voice. He wanted to hear her laughter. He wanted to _know_ her, and right now he was missing out on things everyone else was getting. 

It didn’t help when Scott or Stiles replayed their day with her when they phased and he didn’t make it back to his human form fast enough. He had tried to miss this for this exact reason, at least in wolf form, but it wasn’t a perfect system, and now he was at risk of driving himself crazy. He had to do something. 

Peter was his only choice at this point. 

He was the only one of them that was over the age of eighteen, other than him, that had imprinted. He was the only one who had gone off to live a normal-ish life and certainly the only one among them that Derek trusted to give it to him straight. 

As much as he loved all the others, they were like little brothers and sisters to him. And he wouldn’t say it out loud in seriousness, but he didn’t trust their imprinting. He didn’t trust its realness with them. They were still teenagers. He remembered what it was like to be entirely consumed by the person you were dating at that age. He had no idea if they could tell it apart, honestly, but they believed it and he didn’t want to cause anyone any of the heartache he was currently experiencing with Lily. 

But Boyd was also right. He had hinged everything on the fact that imprinting wasn’t real on any level. If it was, Peter would tell him and he’d back at square one, trying to decide if Lily was right too. Because as angry as he was at her for ignoring him, he knew she had a point. If it had been him on the other side, he wouldn’t trust it either. He felt as if he had free will, but maybe he didn’t when it came to this.

And if that was true, what kind of relationship could they even have? Not one that he knew Lily would be okay with. He did know her well enough for that. 

He sighed heavily, pressed all the right buttons, and then pulled his phone up to his ear with a growl. 

Both Erica and Boyd left quietly, heading to the living room and leaving him alone again. They would be able to hear everything, but it was nice that they were giving him the semblance of privacy. That didn’t really exist in a pack like his, but it was nice either way. 

“Hey, nephew,” Peter said. “What are you up to? Kids drivin’ you crazy yet?”

Derek smiled despite everything and he felt the weight start to dissipate the tiniest bit just by hearing Peter’s voice. He imagined it would’ve been the same way with his own parents had they survived, but since Peter was the one to raise him all those years, it made sense. 

“Yeah,” he said softly. “Can I… do you have time to talk right now?”

He heard some shuffling next and wondered where Peter was, trying to imagine him in his new house with his wife and kids running around, but he was coming up blank. He’d only been up to Tacoma to see where he lived a few times. Now he wished he could slink away and stay with him for a bit. Maybe even clear his head. 

But he had responsibilities here. He couldn’t leave them alone. He’d come back to the whole place burned to the ground or something. And even though that wasn’t a funny thought by itself, it made him want to laugh. 

They were utterly helpless without him. 

“Sure, what’s up? Are you all right?”

“Uh, no,” he admitted. “I… need to ask you a few questions about something to do with the pack and stuff.”

“Okay,” Peter answered slowly. “Are you hurt?”

Derek’s eyes filled with tears instantly at the question. He _was_ hurt, but not the way Peter probably meant it. 

“I imprinted,” he whispered into the mouthpiece. 

“You what? Are… are you sure?” 

“I have no idea. That’s kinda what I need to talk to you about,” he choked out. “I mean, they all think they did, Peter, but I have no idea if I can trust them.”

“Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t,” Peter said with a chuckle. “Why don’t you tell me the whole story, okay? And we’ll figure this out, but, Derek… are you sure you’re ready for this? I mean, you can put it on hold, if you need to. I know it’s gonna bring up a lot of shit for you. You need to be ready, man.”

“I can’t put it on hold,” he retorted. “It’s… tearing me up.”

“You can,” Peter insisted. “I can help you, if you need me to, but let’s figure out what’s going on first and then we’ll go from there.”

“Okay,” Derek agreed, taking a stuttering breath. “Well…”

In that moment, Derek realized he had no idea where to start. Did he tell Peter about how Lily was found? Did he start all the way back with the kidnapping? Did Peter already know about that? 

“Hello?” Peter asked. 

“Yeah, sorry. I just… don’t know where to start.”

“Oh, okay. Well, what’s her name?”

“Lily. Lily Swan.”

“Wh––what did you just fucking say?”

Derek didn’t miss how angry he sounded, which was the opposite reaction he was prepared for. His heart rate picked up a bit as he heard Peter try to calm himself down. 

“How the hell do you know that name, Derek?” Peter asked through gritted teeth. “You better be fucking right because you cannot bring this shit up if you’re not sure. Charlie cannot handle this if…”

“Whoa, man. Charlie found her. She’s here. In Forks.”

“What? How?”

“Charlie found her,” he repeated. 

He heard the crunch of leather as Peter sat down hard in what Derek assumed was his favorite chair. He had to be in his office or something. Even though it was pointless, it made him easier to envision in his own space. He had something to focus on that wasn’t the way his breathing was evening back out. 

“Okay, and you imprinted on her. That’s… wow.”

“Yeah.”

“Why do you think you imprinted on her?” Peter asked, choosing each of his words carefully. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. I want you to know that, but this is your boss’ daughter, Bella’s sister, and…”

“Do you think I don’t know that?” Derek snapped. “That’s the problem, Peter. I can’t do this with her. She’s eighteen, she’s Charlie’s daughter, and there’s too much baggage there. The people she was with before did stuff to her, Peter. Horrible fucking stuff, and I can’t get involved in that. I have my own shit. She needs someone else. Someone better. I can’t help her. I’ll… I’ll just make it worse.”

“Ah,” Peter said, his only answer. 

And now Derek was mad again. Was that really the only response he was going to get? That wasn't nearly enough. He wanted Peter to deny it all. He wanted his uncle to tell him that he was right, he wasn’t good for her, and then he could move on. 

“Derek, listen,” he started, sighing, “I think I already know the answer and you’re not gonna like it. But it’s not all bad, okay? If you think she needs to be with someone else, you can let her do that. You don’t have to be miserable for the rest of your life.” 

“I can?” 

“Yes,” he said.

“Could you have done it with Lexi?”

“Oh, uh, that was different, Derek. There wasn’t as much involved there. It was all very natural, that progression.”

“And Scott and Lydia?” 

“Well, they’re in high school, Derek,” he rationalized. “You don’t know that they’ll end up together.”

He scoffed. Peter was lying to him. He had never heard him do that before, that’s why it had taken him so long to recognize it. He was trying to save him. He was trying to make it easier for him. But that’s not what he wanted. Not what he needed. 

“Peter…”

“Derek, listen, you’re not ready,” he said finally. “You’re not. And neither is she. Not for this. If she was, you wouldn’t be on the phone with me.”

He nodded, though Peter couldn’t see him. “She won’t talk to me.”

“You told her?”

“Yeah.”

“Probably wasn’t your smartest move,” Peter conceded. 

“Yeah, thanks,” Derek said sharply. “It just kinda came out on accident.”

“Even better,” Peter joked, giving him a low chuckle. “You were always the smooth one, huh?”

“Shut up,” he grumbled. 

“Sorry.”

They fell into one of the few uncomfortable silences he had ever experienced with Peter, and he was starting to hate it the longer it dragged on. And he wasn’t at all prepared to break it either. 

“Derek,” Peter started again, just as soft and gentle as before, “what do you want me to do? Want me to come home? I can bring Lexi and the kids. We can fix up the house by your cabin. I don’t mind at all. I told you I’d come home the minute you needed me. I meant that. Lexi did too.”

“No,” he said quickly. “No. I can handle it.”

“Derek…”

“No, really. Don’t come back. You got out of here. We’re dealing with other vampire shit right now anyway. I don’t want the kids around for that. I don’t know what’s gonna happen.”

“Then I’ll come back. By myself.”

“No, Peter. Seriously, stay there. With your family. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened, okay? Please, don’t come.”

He got quiet again, but it wasn’t as unsettling as before, and Derek could imagine his face as he fought with his need to help Derek and knowing that he was also right. There was a very real possibility that something would happen with Victoria sniffing around. Peter hadn’t phased in years. He wouldn’t be as strong as he needed to be to be useful. He had to stay there. 

Peter groaned and the seat he was in creaked as he stood up. “Derek, I want to come home.”

“You are home,” Derek responded. “And I’m a big boy, Peter. I got it.”

“Let’s come up with a game plan. How ‘bout that?” 

“I can come up with my own.”

“It’ll make me feel better,” he said. “Please.”

“Fine,” he mumbled. “But I don’t see how a game plan is gonna fix this.”

“You mean you don’t know how a game plan is gonna fix the way you feel about her.”

“Maybe…”

Peter chuckled again, a much lighter tone than before. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Okay, start at the beginning again. Let’s hash this out. We can come up with something to help you. Keep you from going crazy at the least.”

“Too late,” he muttered. 

“Don’t be dramatic, butthole. Come on.”

Derek chuckled and shook his head, running his hands through his hair again as he leaned against the island. He looked out the large window in front of him that showed his front yard and started telling the whole story to Peter. All of it. Leaving absolutely nothing out. 

If he was going to help for real, he needed to know everything. 


	21. nothing to regret

“Hey, dad!” Lily yelled into the mostly empty house. “I’m going to the Cullens’ again.” 

“Hey, kiddo,” he said, coming into the foyer. “You’ve been going over there a lot. Everything okay?”

She stopped pulling everything out of her backpack and looked at him, her forehead scrunched up in confusion. “Yeah. Why?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I wasn’t sure if I did something.”

She gave him a little smirk and then threw her arms around his neck. “Dad, I’m not mad at you. I’m fine. Bella’s over there all the time. I just wanna hang out before she leaves, ya know?”

“You sure?”

“Yes,” she insisted, putting a sweet kiss on his cheek. “Now, are _you_ gonna be okay?” 

He chuckled as she went back to what she was doing to get ready for another night away from home. “I guess,” he replied dramatically. “Leftovers will suffice.”

She shook her head and giggled. “Leftovers will suffice, huh? Who you been talking to that sounds like that?”

“What?” he scoffed. “I can’t use suffice?”

“No, it’s weird,” she muttered, making sure she had everything she needed. “You sound like…”

“Derek?”

She froze, her breath catching in her throat at the mention of his name, and as observant as Charlie was, she was sure he had noticed. But he didn’t say anything as he walked back into the kitchen. 

“Yeah, he does use words like that a lot, I guess.” He chuckled low. “You talk to him lately?”

“Uh, no.”

She tried to calm her nerves as she finished and walked into the kitchen too, trying to be polite and make conversation with Charlie before she darted out the door again. 

“Both been kinda busy, huh?” he questioned. 

She shrugged. “I guess.”

“I got your progress report,” he said, thankfully changing the subject. 

He tapped a piece of paper on the fridge as he made his way to the den. Hers was there right beside Bella’s, and surprisingly, she had all As. Not that she had been worried she wouldn’t graduate at all, but apparently when she wasn’t worried about the most absurd crap in the world, like what kind of mood people would be in when you got home, she could actually focus. Straight As had been expected of her in Beacon Hills, but here they seemed to all come so much more naturally. 

Regardless, she didn’t think it had been that long. She looked over at the calendar next to the single sheets of paper being held up by individual magnets and nearly gasped. 

“Graduation’s in a week?” she asked in disbelief. “Really?”

“Yep, kiddo. Mom will be here with Phil in a few days.”

“Cool,” she answered distractedly. “You okay with that?”

“The fact that you guys are graduating and leaving me? No. Your mom and Phil coming? Yes.”

She rolled her eyes at his pretend tears as he sniffled from his favorite seat in the house. Lily secretly loved it, though. He showed he cared in weird ways, just like she did, and she’d clearly inherited his sarcasm without ever needing to be around him. Here, though, she was allowed to show it more without being reprimanded. 

She felt like she finally knew who she was here too. At least enough to be comfortable in her own skin. Alice and the rest of her friends had helped too, of course, but she still had a lot of work to do. Which was probably why she spent so much of her time with the Cullens, but for the most part she was at peace here in Forks. 

Save for the whole Derek thing, of course. 

“I’m not leaving right away, remember?” 

“True. Melissa mentioned something about your internship with Deaton over at the vet clinic. That’ll be kinda cool. Is… is that what you wanna do? Be a vet?”

She shrugged. She had no idea what was going to happen after high school yet, but she was okay with that for now. Her whole life wasn’t mapped out anymore and it was more freeing and less terrifying than she’d imagined. 

She also figured it couldn’t hurt to be able to help out all her new friends, should they ever need it, since Deaton was in on the whole supernatural aspect of Forks. And it gave her a chance to get her feet wet and figure out what she liked. Something no one had ever bothered to ask her before she moved here. 

So much new stuff was being thrown at her every day, and she had managed to handle all of it. And, apparently, she was going to be a high school graduate next week too. 

Things weren’t all bad anymore, at least. 

“You sure you don’t want me to pick you up something to eat on the way home?” she offered. 

“I’m sure, Lil. I was just teasin’. Have fun, sweetheart.”

“Thanks, Dad,” she said softly. 

She watched him for a few more seconds after he swiveled back around to the TV, taking a sip from his beer, and only giving minimal reactions to a bad or good play. 

At the end of the day, she still had a hard time believing this was her life now. It was just so… quiet.

But as her mind took off with that thought, telling her she didn’t deserve it and her handle of Jack Daniels was upstairs waiting for her, she darted back out the front door to her most recent distraction: Slayer training. She made sure to issue a goodbye as she went, which Charlie returned, before she made it outside again. 

She snuggled into her sweater as she made her way across the lawn, happy for the knee-high boots Alice had insisted on when they were on their doomed-from-the-start shopping trip. She still couldn’t believe how far she’d come since that night. 

She now knew about vampires, werewolves, and how not everything that went bump in the night was entirely human. She had learned about Victoria and her vendetta against her sister and the plans to stop her when she finally got a bit too close, and where she fit into the new plan too. 

Lily knew it should overwhelm her. But it was nice not to have to think about other things. 

Her mind quieted a little when she was in Bella’s truck again, making her way through Forks. She left one hand on the wheel while the other hung out the window, moving through the air like it was riding a wave. 

Normally, she’d ignore the picture of Derek in her head that always seemed to present itself during these still moments, but when she was alone she didn’t try so hard to get rid of it. She had accepted it as part of her life, and also knew there was no point in trying to make it stop completely. She had tried drowning it in alcohol one night and it had gone horribly wrong, only getting worse on several levels.

When her phone rang next, she reached over and picked it up without looking at the caller ID as had become a habit since her falling out with Derek. He usually called her once or twice a day now, leaving messages for her to call him, but she ignored every single one. Now she just deleted them without even listening. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey.”

She swallowed hard and closed her eyes for a split second as she turned down the Cullens’ driveway. She should’ve known better. 

“What’s up, Derek?”

“Oh, uh, I was gonna leave a voicemail.”

“Just say it,” she said. “I’m about to pull up to the Cullens’ and research some stuff with Carlisle.” 

“I know…”

She dropped the phone onto the seat beside her without hanging up as she caught sight of Derek standing on the bottom step to the Cullens’ front door. Hearing his voice was one thing, seeing him was another entirely, and one she hadn’t been the least bit prepared for. And if he was here something bad was happening. She knew she had to put all their stuff aside––if you could even call it that anymore––to do what she was meant to do. 

Lily got out of the cab and started to pull her things out next, her hands trembling for two reasons. Either someone had gotten hurt or they were going to if they didn't do something about it quickly. 

She also was half expecting Derek to come over and try to talk to her, but he didn’t move. She couldn’t really vocalize why, or even organize her thoughts, but it made her angry. She wanted him to _try_ , but she knew she wasn’t ready for it either. 

What she _did_ know was that she desperately wished he didn’t bring out this horribly immature side of her. But apparently there was no hope for that. 

“Hey,” she said again when they were close enough. 

He nodded toward her, his hands in his pockets as she walked straight inside. She brushed past him, not wanting to sit and stew in the silence they found themselves in. With anyone else, it was merely uncomfortable. With him, it was unbearable. All the words she wanted to say to him were sitting perched on the tip of her tongue. And not all of them were exactly nice. 

She jogged up the first set of steps that led to the familiar living room and found everyone there waiting for her, but it wasn’t as dire-seeming inside as it was outside with Derek. They were all laughing and joking about something, huddled around someone Lily didn’t recognize. 

A hush fell over the room as she came and laid her bag down by the nearest couch and all eyes turned to her slowly. 

“Hey, guys. What’s up? Everything okay?”

“Uh, no. It seems Scott has come across someone new in the woods outside of Forks,” Carlisle began. “It seems we may need to try out some of your… abilities sooner rather than later.”

“Oh, okay. Is that all? Because y’all really freaked me out there for a second,” she admitted with a small laugh. “I thought someone was dead or something.”

“Well…” Emmett started. 

She felt her face fall as she started to count all the people in the room, making sure no one was missing. 

“No, sorry, Emmett’s an idiot,” Rosalie piped up. “No one’s dead, Lily. It’s just… you’ll have to work with Derek.”

“Okay,” she answered slowly, waiting for the bad part. 

As irrational as he made her, she was sure they could figure this out. That’s what both of them had been working on separately for the last few weeks. It wasn’t _that_ surprising. Why was everyone acting like this was the worst possible news? It wasn’t even like he’d be in his human form anyway. They couldn’t exactly get on each other’s nerves if they couldn’t talk, right? And they had a job to do. They could handle this. 

“We can figure it out,” she said, sounding more chipper than she felt. “We’re both grown-ups. Kind of.”

She forced a laugh and went to sit on the couch finally, next to Lydia, who didn’t meet her eyes. Lily turned to Alice and Jasper, but they seemed very into whatever side conversation they were having. Even Bella, who she had just noticed on the other side of the room at the piano next to Edward was whispering something and he was nodding seriously. And neither of them would look her way either. Something was definitely going on. Something else. Something not good. 

_Edward_. 

His head shot toward hers when she thought his name and he gave her a half-smile. She perked an eyebrow at him as an invitation to tell her what was really happening here, but all he did was motion with his head toward the cute blonde sitting next to Stiles she hadn’t noticed until now. 

“Hey, sorry, I’m Piper,” the girl said, getting up and offering a hand to Lily. “I’m Derek’s girlfriend. We were on our way out of town for dinner when he got the call. I don’t think I’m supposed to know about your… abilities, or whatever Dr. Cullen called them, so I think they’re waiting for you to get upset over me knowing.”

Lily shook her hand and laughed lightly. “Oh. Yeah, I’m not mad, guys. Chill out. Please.” 

“Thank God. They were pretty stressed out about it," Piper said. 

“Yeah,” Lily conceded. “It definitely feels like a funeral in here. Seriously, loosen up. Everything’s fine. If she’s Derek’s… girlfriend, she was bound to know something. It’s okay.” 

Even though she had no intention of being with Derek, she had a hard time saying _that_ word out loud, and was glad she managed it without too much problem. She could tell it bothered Derek, though, and for some reason it made her feel better. He _should_ be uneasy at the thought of them meeting. She couldn’t see in what universe this was okay, especially after you imprinted, but then again, she didn’t know enough about it to be able to make those judgments either. 

And she’d done that on purpose. 

She’d been spending so much time doing all that research with Carlisle and when he even mentioned the word, offering advice, she would shut him down. She wasn’t going to be with Derek like Lydia and Stiles or Scott and Allison, so what was the point? 

Well, now that they were here, in this moment in time, she thought she had just discovered _the point_. And her name was Piper. 

Today’s research session was going to go way different, she imagined. Because as much as she wanted to deny it, Lily was jealous. Thank God she had years of training in the art of faking it, because the gig would’ve been up by now. 

“Well, I guess me and Carlisle need to get to work then, huh?” she said, hopping back up and heading for the stairs. “Or does everyone need to be involved?”

She had meant for her question to come out with a double meaning, and thankfully, they seemed to all catch onto it rather quickly, excusing themselves for studying and patrol and all manner of justifications. She waved them each out from the second story landing while she waited for Carlisle and Edward to join her, both of whom were walking incredibly slow for some reason. 

When everyone except the rest of the Cullens and Bella were gone, she shut the door to Carlisle’s office and turned to them. 

“Okay,” she said slowly. “What the _actual_ hell?”


	22. okay, but this is the last time

Stiles stared as Lily made her way over to where Derek was standing on the shore, watching their body language closely. It was one of only a handful of times he wished he had Lydia’s super hearing because he had to know if he should step in with his brand of helpful awkwardness and save these two psychos from themselves. 

Lily had been waiting for him to show up on First Beach for a few minutes and he couldn’t imagine that put her in a better mood. He had no idea what had kept Derek, but he knew no excuse was going to make Lily hate this any less. 

He shook his head at their stubbornness as both their shoulders tensed when they started talking. 

“Great,” he muttered, reaching for the handle. “That was fast.”

He yelped when Lydia appeared at his window, keeping him from getting out. “They’re fine,” she said. 

“What the hell, woman? Where’d you come from?”

“I just got off patrol,” she answered. 

She leaned in through the open window and gave him a kiss and every worry melted out of his ears. He couldn’t even remember why he was in his car after a few seconds of this, their tongues fighting for control. 

Lydia started to giggle as he sat up straighter and tried to pull her in through the same open window. 

“Stiles, chill out. We’re supposed to be watching our two favorite idiots, remember? Making sure they don’t kill each other.”

“Huh? Oh. Oh, yeah. Right.” 

He shook his head and turned to the front window again, gripping the steering wheel tightly to keep from telling Lydia he didn’t give a rat’s ass if these two murdered each other and forcing her to run off with him somewhere quiet. 

“Stiles…” 

“What? I’m watching.”

“But you’re not, though.”

“Just get in with me,” he begged. He turned to her and saw the tips of her ears get pink as she blushed lightly. “You know you wanna.”

“Of course I _want_ to, but we can’t. Not right now.”

“Later?” he groaned. 

“Maybe. If you’re good.”

He huffed and then worked on concentrating on Lily and Derek again, still talking near the water. “What are they even _doing_?”

“Being stupid,” she scoffed. 

“Other than that?”

“Uh, ignoring their problems and pretending like they don’t wanna talk about Piper. Well, I mean, Lily already brought her up, but Derek brushed it off, so there’s that.”

“He did? Is that not why he’s dating her? To make Lily talk to him?”

“Uh, I don’t know actually. Boyd and Erica said he and Peter came up with some plan. I think Piper is the plan.”

She ended her sentence with a shrug, but it didn’t clear anything up for Stiles. “Okay,” he said slowly. “But… I don’t get it.”

“Lily doesn’t trust him.”

“Right.”

“And she thinks all his feelings are because of imprinting,” Lydia continued. 

“Even though we’ve all told her that’s not how it works,” Stiles added. 

“Right, so I guess he’s trying to show her he _can_ be with someone else or something.”

Stiles sat there quietly for a second, mulling that over. “Yeah, I still don’t get it. He doesn't want to be with Piper, though. Everyone with fucking eyes can see that, Lydia.”

She giggled and shook her head, turning to him and patting his cheek. “It’s a good thing you’re cute.”

“‘Cause I’m not smart?” he asked, his eyebrow perked high. “Geez, thanks, babe. I know I’m not as smart as you, but damn.”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” she offered, rolling her eyes. “It’s just this might be a bit more subtle than you’re capable of understanding.”

“I’m a dude?”

“Yep. And guys can be pretty stupid. Especially with another guy’s dumb ideas in the mix. So, the fact that two boys came up with this, means it’s…”

“Ridiculously stupid.”

“Yep.”

“Hmm. And does Lily know this?” 

“Nope.”

She removed her hand and stared back out toward the water again, though she could hear them without looking their way. Stiles wished she wouldn’t let go. Ever. 

“Get in the car, babe. It’s cold.”

“I’m not cold,” she insisted. 

“I am. And the window’s down,” he whined. 

“Zip it up, dork.”

“Get in,” he kept up. 

She huffed and then went around to the other side and got in with him finally. He couldn’t help but smile like a moron now that he’d gotten his way, making sure to wrap their hands together as soon as she was close enough. 

“You should tell her,” he sat quietly when she was safely inside. “If they would just talk, this would be so much simpler.”

“Do you really think either of them is gonna listen to us, Stiles?” Lydia asked, putting her head on his shoulder. “They have to figure this out by themselves or it won’t work, imprint or not.”

“But she talked to Carlisle about it the other day, right?”

Lydia nodded, but didn’t move her head more than that. “And I’m not sure it made it any better. It’s kinda confusing.”

“Very true.” He laid his head on top of hers and sighed deeply. “I certainly don’t get why you like me.”

She giggled. “You’re an idiot, Stiles.”

“Yeah, but you love me.”

“Yes, I do.”

He pulled their hands up to his lips and kissed each one of her fingertips, revelling in the scent that intoxicated him daily. He’d never be able to get enough. 

“Did you see anything while you were out?” 

“No.” 

He didn’t miss the frustration in her voice as she admitted that. Stiles knew she hated not being the best at something, and this wasn’t even something she could control. But that didn’t matter to Lydia. Scott had caught someone’s scent and while she would recognize it now if she came across it thanks to the pack mindmeld thing, she wished it had been her. 

“Do you know how adorable you are?”

“You tell me all the time, Stiles,” she muttered. 

“And do you _know_?” 

“Yes, Stiles,” she said. “But only because you tell me every day.”

“Oh, is that the only reason?” he teased. “Guess I can’t stop then.” She giggled and sent shockwaves through his body. “What are they saying now?”

“Uh, she just said, ‘We need to go on patrol, right? You might wanna phase.’ And then he said she was going to be cold in that dress. She scoffed and now they’re just staring each other down because they’re both stubborn assholes.”

“They should just bang it out.”

“God, you’re so romantic,” Lydia responded. 

“Hell yeah I am.” 

She laughed and sat up, shaking her head. “They’re about to leave.”

“Should we follow them?”

“Can you keep up in this Jeep?”

“Hey! Rude.” He reached forward and rubbed his hands over the worn faux leather. “She didn’t mean it, baby.”

Lydia rolled her eyes again and then buckled up as Stiles started the Jeep. She unzipped her window next, not able to hear anything useful over the sound of the engine. Her brilliant red hair whipped around her face as the wind played with it, and Stiles found it hard to stay focused on the road. 

She gave him directions as they drove slowly away from the water and back toward Forks. Lydia made sure to keep her hand over his on the gear shaft as they made their way, but otherwise he stayed quiet. 

After a particularly sharp turn, she yelled and he slammed on the brakes, beyond glad there was no one behind them. His Jeep would’ve been toast as fast as people usually drove through this area. 

He made his way to a safe spot off the road as Lydia fought with her seatbelt. As soon as he parked, he was right behind her, struggling to keep up as she darted through the forest. 

“Lydia,” he hissed. “Wait up, babe. I can’t see you…”

But it wasn’t long before he found her again because he could hear Derek and Lily yelling at each other further up. He rolled his eyes and put a hand on the small of Lydia’s back as she tried to inch her way in between them. 

“Guys…”

“You’re kidding, right?” Lily screamed, ignoring both of them completely. “You’re the one fucking someone else and you’re jealous my friends from Beacon Hills are coming for my graduation? You don’t get to be mad about that, Derek. We are not together.”

“And whose fault is that?”

“You’re the one that’s jealous. Stop trying to turn it around on me.”

“You’re jealous too. I can _smell_ it on you.”

Lily threw her hands up in the air. “Can you smell how much I fucking hate you too then?”

“That’s not hatred,” Derek quipped. 

Lily flared her nostrils as she stared at him, her chest heaving wildly. “We can’t do this.”

“No shit.”

“Go home, Derek. I’ll do it with Lydia or Scott or Isaac.”

“Oh, Isaac. You love throwing that in my face, don’t you?”

“What the hell are you talking about now?” she scoffed. 

“You like Isaac,” he insisted. 

Stiles hung his head and put his hands on his hips. They were both too far gone now, talking about completely different things, but he knew they needed to just go at it once and for all. This pent-up anger was going to get someone actually hurt. 

He looked back up and reached out to Lydia to pull her back slightly. At least if Derek phased, she wouldn’t get mauled too, which was exactly where this was headed if either of them got any meaner. 

“I do not _like_ Isaac,” Lily countered. “I mean, he’s fine, but not like that. And Derek, you are the one with a girlfriend. Why are you angry right now?”

“I’m angry because…”

 _Because that’s all he’s got_ , Stiles thought. 

“You don’t even know why you’re mad,” she finished for him. “That’s the point, Derek. You don’t have any idea what you think or what you feel and you keep saying that you imprinted like that’s supposed to mean anything to me. You think you know what you want, but Piper being here means you don’t have a fucking clue. One second you’re telling me you’ll never, ever hurt me and then you bring in this whole other person to… what? Forget about me?”

“No.”

“Then what, Derek?” 

“You can’t let other people come to town right now,” Derek pivoted, changing the subject entirely. “Someone’s gonna get hurt. If you really care about them, you’ll tell them to stay away. You can see them after you graduate. You can go there. But don’t let them come here.”

She huffed and crossed her arms. “What about my mom and Phil?”

“We can watch them, Lily. There’s enough of us for that. But no one else.”

Lily bit her bottom lip as she considered his words, and while they had gotten here in a really strange way, Derek wasn’t wrong either. Depending on how many friends Lily was talking about, there was no way to keep them all safe. Just because they had gotten rid of Laurent the previous year didn’t mean that Victoria didn’t have any new friends. 

Hell, that’s _why_ they were out here right now. That had been everyone’s first thought when Scott had crossed the new scent. 

“Why is Piper here, Derek?” she asked again. 

She didn’t loosen her arms, but her words were gentler than before, and Derek wasn’t immune to that. Stiles knew that in order for Lily to get the truth out of him right now, the whole truth, she only needed to reach out and touch him. It was something Stiles had learned with Lydia and he never used that tactic unless he absolutely had to. For one thing, it was completely unfair. If Lydia wanted to tell him something, she would. And their relationship was much, much different than what was happening in front of him with Derek and Lily, but he knew they needed it right now. 

Someone had to be fucking honest about their feelings and it _should_ be Derek, as far as he was concerned. But Stiles kept his opinions to himself. Probably for the first time in his life. His dad would be so proud. 

“To prove that I don’t need you,” he finally replied. 

“Prove to who? You or me?”

He swallowed hard and looked around at the forest that surrounded them, seeming to suddenly realize they weren’t alone. 

“No friends, Lily,” he said. “I mean it.”

She shook her head. “Lydia, do you mind?”

“No,” Lydia admitted. “I can go back on patrol.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you just got off,” Lily said, her demeanor instantly changing. “I can call Scott.”

“No, really. It’s okay. It was only a few hours and I finished all my homework,” Lydia said. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, really. It’s okay. Right, Stiles?”

“Yep,” he answered automatically. 

Both girls started to walk off when Derek reached out to Lily. Stiles had no idea exactly what he thought that might accomplish, but he wasn’t sure it was entirely voluntary either. 

“Lily,” Derek started again, his voice sounding broken, “Can we try to talk later?”

She turned around slowly, folding her arms again. She was closed off to him in every sense of the damn word and Derek didn’t seem to care. Or notice.

Then she did something that surprised them all.

Lily walked straight up to Derek, her eyes softer and kinder and her hands down by her sides. They weren’t even balled up into fists either, which was pretty common when she was talking to or about Derek these days. 

She put a hand on his chest lightly and looked up into his face. “Did you ever read _Hamlet_ , Derek?” He nodded silently. “Good. Act three, scene three, line 87.”

He smirked and shook his head as she walked off, her hips swaying slightly and a huge grin on her face. 

“What’d she say?” Stiles finally asked when they were far enough away. 

“She told me to fuck off.”

“It says fuck off in _Hamlet_?” 

“It says no. She told me no.”

Stiles nodded, completely baffled by their interaction. “Don’t kill her, man. We need her for later.”

Derek rolled his eyes and snorted his laughter. “I’m not gonna kill her, Stiles.”

“Or maim her,” he tacked on. 

“Or maim her,” Derek agreed. 

“Or kiss her.”

“Or… Wait, what?”

Stiles chuckled. “Just wanted to see if you were payin’ attention, buddy.”

He patted Derek on the back as they started to make their way out of the woods and toward his car, still parked on the side of the two-lane highway. The least he could do was take his friend home, make sure he was okay as he could be right now, and make sure he didn’t do anything else too stupid today. 

And then Stiles’ next move would be calling a meeting with the rest of the pack to get these two idiots from ruining everything before it even started. 


	23. words to live by

Lily’s heart thrummed at an uncomfortable pace as she looked in the mirror, her eyes meeting her mother’s as she continued to curl her hair. And then Lily was blushing when she caught her trying to discern, as she did most days, the tiny imperfections she might have inherited from her or Charlie. After Alice’s makeover she had found herself proud of each freckle where she had been ashamed before, glad she could find her true self reflected back and not covered by pounds of concealer, eyeliner, and blush that wasn’t at all her shade. 

Each laugh line reminded Lily that she might, just maybe, belong here with these people. They were good and wholesome and everything Lily never thought could be associated with her. Finding pieces of herself in their faces calmed her in ways that nothing else could. 

“You okay, kiddo?” Renée asked quietly. 

Lily nodded, swallowing hard. “Yeah, just, like, completely nervous. I might throw up.”

Renée laughed lightly, setting down the curling iron by the sink and switching it off. “You’re gonna do great. It’s Bella I’m worried about tripping over her own feet on the way to the stage.”

“You guys are hilarious,” Bella said loudly from the bedroom. 

Then they were all laughing at her sister’s expense and by the time Bella made it to the bathroom too, she had her arms crossed over her chest in an effort to remain mad about it, but even Lily could tell she couldn’t hang onto this. 

“Oh, come on, sweetie,” Renée coaxed, still laughing as she held out her arms. “You know I’m right.”

Bella scrunched up her nose like Lily always did as she fell into Renée’s embrace beside her easily. It had taken Lily a while to get used to all this physical affection, but she didn’t want to push them away either, so she wrapped an arm around Bella too. And suddenly she was unable to stop herself from wondering what life would have looked like if she had been able to grow up around this sort of unconditional love. 

“Come on, girls.” Renée kissed the tops of both their heads. “I’m sure your dad and Phil are waiting for us to save them from a super awkward situation.”

“They’re watching the game,” Bella offered. 

“Where is your cap?” Renée asked as they both left Lily alone in the bathroom for a second. “Did you lose it already?”

“I didn’t lose it,” Bella retorted with a scoff, falling down next to her bed in the next room. “I just can’t find it _right now_.”

Lily giggled to herself, putting a hand over her mouth to keep quiet as she listened to their conversation in the next room. She hated that it still brought tears to her eyes and made her feel like she was intruding, but she knew in time she would feel like this could’ve always been her home. 

“Lil, go get your gown on,” Renée called next. 

“Coming,” she said back, giving one more look over her appearance. 

She shrugged her shoulders, knowing this was good as it was going to get now. Her deep red hair on display like this before would have been the worst possible outcome, and now she knew she’d never go back. She was becoming more and more comfortable in her own skin, tattoos and all, and she had Bella, Renée, Charlie, Phil, and all of her friends to thank for that. She couldn’t very well let any of them down by letting her demons creep in and undo their hard work. 

Lily went straight to the closet and pulled out her gown, slipping over her shoulders and zipping it up over her dress. The same dress that she and Alice had picked out for this specific occasion. One she wouldn’t have cared about near as much had she not lived in Forks. Then she picked up her cap and put it on her head as carefully as possible, not wanting to mess up the curls that were definitely not going anywhere with how much hairspray was currently in her hair. 

“Need help?” she asked Bella who was still on the ground, her own gown on but unzipped. 

“No,” she groaned. 

She laughed and shook her head. “Bella?”

“Hmm?” 

“Get up.”

“I know it’s here,” she continued, shuffling things around under her bed again. “It _has_ to be.”

“Bella,” Lily insisted. 

“What?” 

She finally pulled her head up and then noticed Edward had joined them, her cap in his hands. He gave her a wink, handed it over with a chaste kiss, and was back out the window before Renée joined them, still putting on her earrings. 

“You found it. Great. Let’s go.”

Bella’s lips were puckered slightly from the kiss as she nodded to Renée and Lily started out the door, shaking her head. It was still strange to be used to Edward’s tricks, as she lovingly called them now, but just like everything else in Forks, she wouldn’t trade any of it. Though she would willingly give up her own supernatural powers to be normal, but that was a whole other issue. One she didn’t have time to address right this second. 

Lily tried to envision graduation with the friends she had grown up with instead of Lydia, Stiles, Allison, and the others, wondering what they were doing right now, as she bounded down the stairs with Bella. It wasn’t a secret she had been celebrated in Beacon Hills, but it was never for anything good, or even things she could control, and they definitely didn’t make her feel good about herself either. Here in Forks, it was for her kindness. Here in Forks, she was revered for things that weren’t hollow and the excitement coursing through her veins was palpable. 

She had held up her end of the bargain, despite not wanting to do anything Derek asked of her, and had kept away all her friends from the _other_ place. If she had asked, they would’ve come, and most of them wanted to, not caring about their own ceremony, but it helped that she knew none of them were _actually_ her friends too. 

They just liked her for things she made them feel about herself, or the status she provided. It was never for her. 

Cutting ties had seemed inconceivable before today, sending her straight into a panic attack if she thought about it too long, and now she knew she didn’t care if any of them ever text her back again. She had the pack and the vampires and her sister. 

Even Derek. 

And she didn’t need anything else. 

When they made it into the kitchen, their tassels still swinging wildly, Charlie made them both stop to take some pictures. 

“Ahhh,” Renée cooed, tears in her eyes already. “You guys are so gorgeous. Aren’t they Charlie?”

“Yes,” Charlie said, his voice cracking. “Now, I’m sorry, ladies, but your mom is going to request a thousand picture in various locations and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. We will definitely be late.”

Phil chuckled as Renée hit Charlie playfully. “Oh, hush.”

Thankfully, it wasn’t too much longer before they were both sliding into the cab of Bella’s musty old truck, still smelling faintly of cigarettes and peppermint. A smell so uniquely Bella it made Lily smile. 

And Lily wasn’t stupid. She knew what was coming next for her sister. Edward had done his best to explain it, even tried to get Lily to persuade Bella to make another decision, so Lily had resolved to make the most of all the time she had left. When they were both still human. 

_Human-ish_ , Lily reminded herself. 

The Slayer thing was in check, as much as she could be, but it still wasn’t safe. When Edward got too close or Alice moved too quickly, she’d tense reflexively and be right back in that alley with the blackness closing in, threatening to swallow her up. 

She couldn’t chance accidentally hurting Bella once she changed. Especially as a newborn. So they were going to take it slow. And it wasn’t a secret she was happy to have high school behind her and get started with Deaton at the vet clinic, but she would miss these times too. She would miss Bella being clumsy, stammering, blushing Bella. 

She would miss her sister as she was now, even if she completely and wholeheartedly agreed with her going off to be whoever she turned into next. 

“You okay?’ Bella asked over the low rumble of the engine. “You’ve been crazy quiet this morning.”

Lily didn’t miss the way Bella asked it the same way that Renée had upstairs. It carried the same cadence and worry, and it made Lily’s heart swell. 

“Yeah… just thinking.”

Bella nodded thoughtfully. “I’m not leaving as soon as we have lunch or something,” she offered. 

“I know,” Lily said, tearing her eyes from the window again. “It’s just a lot. That’s all. And I feel like I forgot something. I just can’t figure out what it was. I have my phone and everything.”

“Wanna turn around?” 

“No, it’s okay. We’ll be late.”

“We can always take Edward’s car if you still want to when we get there. Certainly faster than mine,” she said, mumbling the last bit. 

“I’m sure it’s just nerves or something,” Lily conceded. 

Bella nodded again. “Okay. Let me know.”

Lily smiled, letting the last few weeks replay in her mind as the wonderfully lush and green world she was surrounded by here whipped past the window. It wasn’t as fast as it was when Edward drove, almost making her dizzy. No, this felt positively… normal. And as much as she wanted to believe Bella, this felt very final. This was the last of their milestones together. After today, they would have very different lives, always running parallel, but never intersecting like this again. 

They pulled into their normal spot after a few more minutes and hopped out, leaving Lily no more time to get caught up in her memories. They both waved at Stiles and Lydia as they walked inside with their own families, and Lily found herself looking around for Derek. The one person she had been most anxious to see today. 

He made her angry, that wasn’t a secret, but he also set her skin on fire. And she hated him for that. Along with a laundry list of other reasons. But she wanted to enjoy this, especially if this was it. 

When they made it into the cafeteria, she noticed it was Derek-free as well. She couldn’t place it, but it was making her more antsy for some reason, not less. Maybe he wasn’t coming at all. Maybe he was working. Maybe he was out with Piper, doing anything else. 

And the thing that bothered her the most was how sad that made her to think about. 

Bella took a seat next to Stiles and Lily on the other side of Bella. She concentrated on all her friends as they surrounded her, chatting happily amongst themselves as the town filed in around them. If this had been Beacon Hills, they wouldn’t have been able to do this in the cafeteria for sure. Way too many people. But in Forks everyone fit inside easily, with only those arriving late having to stand in the back. 

But still no Derek. 

Lily scanned the rows one more time as their principal started his commencement address, but came up empty. The feeling that had settled into her stomach now wasn’t nervousness, but she refused to give it a name. 

As soon as the caps had been thrown, and she realized how wrapped up in Derek she had been when Stiles pulled her aside. 

“You okay?” 

“Wh––yeah. Stop asking. I’m fine.”

“Lily…”

“Stiles, I’m good. Let’s eat.”

She plastered on her best and most practiced fake smile and headed to her mom, dad, and Phil, standing nearby all brimming with pride for her and Bella. They welcomed her into their hug with Bella again and she let them pull her in without even tensing up this time, glad for the quieting of her mind being around them provided. 

Now wasn’t the time for this. It didn’t matter anyway. 

But regardless what she did to try and convince herself of all this, and everyone else that she was okay, she knew her emotions weren’t in check enough to go be alone right now. Charlie was already yawning by the end of lunch, so even if he had big plans to watch something on TV when they got home, he’d be asleep in fifteen minutes. Guaranteed. And Renée and Phil were headed back to their hotel to rest before the party tonight. 

Which left Lily by herself since Bella was most certainly headed to be with Edward at the Cullens, pretending to help Alice set up. She knew she could ask her to stay, but she didn’t want to. She couldn’t continue to lean on Bella for that. Lily needed to learn to detach once in a while. As sweet as it was that her sister and Edward included her as often as they could, they deserved time as a couple too. 

It wasn’t their fault that Lily was too broken to be by herself with her own mind. 

When they made it back to the parking lot, Charlie, Carlisle, and Phil were talking about something Lily wasn’t paying attention to and Esme and Renée were exchanging numbers. If she was going to sneak away, it had to be right now. 

“Can I take your truck back home? I think I might go for a drive or something before the party,” Lily announced, turning to Bella. 

She was wrapped up under Edward’s arm, as were all the other couples that LIly hadn’t even processed and were crowded around them as well. The entire world seemed far too small when she was thinking of Derek, even when she didn't want to be. 

“Uh, yeah,” Bella stammered. She fished the keys out of her pockets that had been sewn into her dress and handed them over. “Are you…”

“Okay?” Lily smirked. “Yes, everyone. Let’s do this one more time. I am fine. I just wanna go explore.”

“Gonna go change first?” Jackson quipped, looking her up and down with a smirk. “Alice might kill you if you get that dress dirty.”

“I definitely will,” Alice promised from somewhere nearby. 

“Yes, Alice. I will go change first,” Lily said, rolling her eyes and smirking back for good measure. “I’ll see you guys at the party.”

She felt Edward’s eyes on her and she knew how hard he was probably working to read her mind, but she was employing her new favorite power on him. She had learned to keep him out and while he hated being blind in this way, not used to it at all, it made her feel better to know she could if she chose to. 

And right now, she _needed_ to. 

When the truck started up, she said goodbye to her parents through the window and then started off down the highway, pretending as if she had no idea where she was going.


	24. amen

A knock on the front door broke through Derek’s dream and he groaned loudly in frustration. It had been a good one, and whoever was on the other side was going to have hell to pay. He’d been with Lily, and even if it was ridiculously fake and totally out of the realm of possibility, they had interrupted his time with her.   
  
Derek had no intention of letting that stand. 

He pulled on a pair of sweatpants as he went into the hallway, slamming into things as he tried to walk at the same time. When he made it to the front, he was rubbing his eyes and yawning loudly. As soon as he got rid of whoever the fuck dared disturb him, he was going back to bed and praying he fell back into the same dream. It almost never happened, and he knew that, but he could hope.

And that was literally all he had left. 

He’d been subjected to another brutal night of patrol around the Swan residence again last night, letting the rest of the pack get some sleep in preparation for graduation. Whether they’d actually gotten any was another story, but he wasn’t going to make them stay up and then be forced to host a bunch of well-meaning family and friends that had come from out of town the next day. It seemed unnecessarily cruel. 

Granted, being that close to Lily for hours and not getting to talk to her, or touch her, or be with her was its own form of torture. But that was his problem. 

He threw the door open, a low growl was building in his chest, but it didn’t get very far and was cut short when he saw a seething Lily standing on his front porch. She brushed right past him without a word and went to stand in his kitchen, her chest heaving. 

She was mad, and he had no idea why, but he cowered all the same. He put his head down and refused to look up, letting his arms hang at his sides. 

For literally any other person on the planet, barging into Derek’s house would’ve meant getting their throat ripped out, but with Lily it was different. Everything was nowadays. And he just knew he didn’t want to meet her fiery eyes and then melt into a puddle on his floor. He knew that wasn’t going to help matters with her. 

“Why weren’t you there?” she asked, her voice shaking. 

He sighed, his shoulders falling further in defeat. “I was trying to give you space, Lily. Like you asked.”

“But your pack,” she countered. 

The confusion overtook him and he looked up without thinking. She was already searching his face for something, and he had no idea what it was. Or what she was seeing. 

“Derek, I don’t want you to change your whole life for me,” she continued, her hands on her hips now. “And that’s what it feels like you’re doing. And I hate it. If I wasn’t here, would you have gone?” 

“Yes.”

“Then you should’ve been there. And you weren’t.”

“And now you’re mad at me?” he guessed. 

“Yes!” she shouted, causing him to wince. “Or no. I mean, yes, always, but I’m more mad at me, I think. It’s just not fair. You should be able to see them graduate and be able to hang out with everyone at lunch. And instead, I’m here screaming at you because… because… I don’t know why. I can’t get over myself, I guess.”

He couldn’t help but smirk. “Lily, the pack is fine. And I was sleeping anyway. I went to work yesterday and then patrolled all night. I haven’t slept in, like, 24 hours.”

“Is it, Derek?” she responded. “Is it fine? Because I have literally been saying it all damn day and it’s starting to sound like a lie. It sure as shit doesn’t _feel_ fine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop fucking apologizing,” she growled. “Seriously, don’t you get tired of that?”

He shrugged again and put his hands in his pockets, not sure what else to do with them and worried he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from reaching out and trying to hold her if she got close enough. He just knew making her more angry wasn’t a good idea. It was like being trapped in the house with a wild animal, and his best options in that case were always to make no sudden movements. 

“Are… are you alone?” she whispered. 

“Yeah. Who else would…”

“Piper,” she interrupted. 

“Oh. Oh, no. No one’s here. It’s just me.”

She visibly relaxed at his simple answer, but he forced himself not to read too much into that. It couldn’t possibly mean what he wanted it to mean anyway. 

As some of her irritation seemed to wane, her hands started to shake. Based on the way her breathing hitched the smallest amount, he assumed it was her adrenaline tanking after getting all worked up and storming over here, but then she started to sway slightly and he knew it was worse than that. 

He rushed to her side and kept her upright as her eyes started to roll into the back of her head. “Lily?”

He pulled off her graduation cap first and laid it carefully on the kitchen table as he tried to quiet his own breathing so he could hear her heartbeat, depositing her gently into one of the nearby chairs. It was fast and irregular and her breathing was getting more and more shallow. 

Without meaning to, he was mimicking the pattern and was risking hyperventilation himself before he corrected it and pulled out his phone. He had one of his hands on her at all times as he maneuvered another seat in front of hers and laid her head down on the table next. 

“Derek?”

“Oh, he––hey, Carlisle. It’s me. I don’t know what’s happening. Can you come over to my house? It’s Lily.”

“I need a drink,” she mumbled. 

“Hold on,” Derek said to Carlisle, moving the mouthpiece away. “What?”

“I need a drink,” she said, her voice getting more firm by the second. “I just need something to drink.”

He stood up and started to the sink, cradling his phone carefully between his shoulder and his face. “She said she just needs a drink. But Carlisle, it seems bad. She almost passed out, I think. Can you…”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

He hung up and then turned back to her. She was sitting up, which was better than he thought he’d get, but her eyes were glassy and unfocused, so he wasn’t satisfied either. He bent down to her level and held out the glass, moving her hair out of her face. 

“Here,” he said gently. “Drink this.”

She swatted his hand away weakly, causing some of the water to slosh out of the glass, a disgusted look on her face. 

“No, Derek, a fucking drink. I need alcohol.”

He stood back up quickly, slamming the glass on the table and making her jump slightly. He blinked rapidly as he tried to process what she’d meant. 

Finally, he shook his head. “No.”

“Derek, please,” she begged, her voice inconceivably small. “My head hurts so bad. And I’m gonna be sick. I just need a little bit. I forgot this morning while I was getting ready, but it’s been, like, eight hours or something. I can’t do this, Derek. Please.”

“No.”

She whimpered and laid her head back down, clearly too weak to put up any sort of real fight, and every time he said that wretched word, it physically pained him. It went against everything his body was telling me, but he couldn’t do nothing. And he certainly couldn’t bend to her will right now. This was about her safety, and she couldn’t see that clearly in this moment. 

It was his job to keep her from hurting herself just as much as protecting her from any outside force. This wasn’t at all how he thought this would go down, but it didn’t matter. It was happening whether either of them wanted it to or not. 

“Derek,” she breathed. 

“Did you eat lunch?” he asked, trying to keep his voice even and calm. “I can get you some crackers.”

“No, I want a fucking drink,” she spat back at him. 

He nodded and pulled her up with him and then into his arms easily, carrying her straight down the hall and into his bed. He made sure to keep her away from his bare chest, not wanting the first time they touched like this to be marred with these particular memories for him. 

Derek placed her as gently as he could on his mattress, determined that if she was going to come apart, it wasn’t going to be in his kitchen. He couldn’t give her a better space than this, but he would make her as comfortable as possible. 

She was owed that. How she’d ended up here was in no way her fault. Then it hit him how out of his depth he was, and if Charlie was going to remain blissfully unaware, as he knew Lily wanted him to be, he had some calls to make. 

He went back to the kitchen, racing through his house, pulling a shirt over his head and searching for his phone. He found it on the counter where he’d left it and put it to his ear after pressing the right speed dial number. 

“Hey, Sourwolf. What’s up, man? Thought you’d still be asleep. Change your mind about coming to the party?”

Derek pinched the bridge of his nose as Stiles used that godforsaken nickname he’d given him a million and a half years ago and tried not to smile. Now was not the time for that. But Stiles didn’t know that, so it’s not like he could blame him for trying to use his only tactic for making Derek smile. 

“Can you do me a favor?” he asked, his voice measured. 

“Uh, yeah. Sorry. Hang on,” Stiles answered. 

Derek waited and listened hard as he heard Stiles telling someone to be quiet in the background and fighting with his stereo to turn it down. 

“You okay?”

“It’s not me,” he replied quickly. “It’s Lily. She’s over here. I need you to, uh, I guess distract Charlie. She needs to stay here this weekend. Maybe longer. Can you have Lydia or someone say she’s staying with them?”

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll figure it out. Do you know when Renée’s leaving, though? I think she was planning on coming tonight too. And she’s gonna want to say goodbye to her at some point.”

“Shit, okay. Uh…”

“We’ll figure it out, boss,” Stiles offered. “We got it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yep. We can handle it. Just take care of Lily.”

He nodded as though Stiles could see him, not trusting his voice right now. And Stiles must have sensed that because he hung up with a quick goodbye, not needing Derek to reply. 

He was left standing in his kitchen, phone still clutched in his hand as he wondered what in the world he was supposed to do next. He had no idea what the right decision was here, but it felt like taking it away from Lily, and even in her state that was wrong. Carlisle was going to come over and while he trusted him implicitly, and so did Lily, she couldn't consent to anything either. 

Derek pulled his phone back up and texted Peter, not knowing where else to turn, his fingers fumbling over the four simple letters. 

**< Help. **

**> Want me to call? **

He listened intently, hearing the gentle rustling of his sheets in the other room as Lily moved around, trying to find a position that didn’t make her want to peel her own skin off. He longed to be back there with her, but he wasn’t emotionally prepared yet. He needed to center himself to be the person she needed him to be right now. 

She had blindsided him. And he sure as shit wouldn’t trade her being here for more time to prepare for whatever this was, but he couldn’t deny it was the absolute harshest way to slip out of his dreams and into the reality of their life spent largely apart. 

**< No. This is fine. Lily’s here. **

**> That’s a good thing, Derek. **

**< Not like this. **

**> What happened? **

He sighed heavily, not sure how to phrase it. Derek knew exactly what was happening. Lily was experiencing alcohol withdrawals. But saying it, even through text message, made it real in a way he wasn’t sure he was ready for yet. 

**< Withdrawals. I think. **

**> Ah. Well, you remember those, right? You know what to do. **

Leave it to Peter to throw that back in his face. Derek knew it wasn’t malicious, it was just a part of his past he wasn’t really willing to deal with right this second. This was about Lily. He needed to focus on her. Not his own shit. 

**> What do you want me to say, Derek? You can handle this.**

**< What would you do if it was Lexi?**

**> What I imagine you’re doing right now. Worrying, freaking out, and handling it. Go be with her, Derek. You can do this. **

Thousands of what if questions were careening through his mind, though, and he couldn’t get them to stop. He had an addictive personality, and it was clear that Lily did too, so that had to mean their odds were shot. He could accept that, he assumed, because he would have no other choice. 

But he wanted someone to tell him anything else. 

**> You are uniquely qualified to be there for her right now. No one else is gonna get it like you do. **

Derek stared at the screen for another second and then put it on its face, standing up and heading straight to his room. Peter was right. He didn’t need someone to give him hope right now. He needed to help her. 

He concentrated on the individual movements involved with walking, with sitting down next to his bed, and listening to her breath. He had to actively choose not to pay attention to anything outside of this moment. Nothing else could matter. It would distract him, derail them both, and he couldn’t be responsible for that. 

“Derek?” she mumbled from the bed. “Please.”

For a minute, he assumed she was asking for what he had denied her in the kitchen, but before he could process anything, she was pulling at his shirt, forcing him to her level. 

“Can I take this off?” she whispered. 

He nodded and moved to his knees next to his platform bed to help her sit up. Like this he was at the perfect height, and as he carefully removed her silk gown and tossed it to the floor unceremoniously, she shivered. 

He thought she’d lay back down and pull the covers over herself, but she started to pull at the black lace dress underneath and he cursed the heavens. There was no way this was going to be the first time he saw her like this. 

“Derek,” she whined, struggling with the zipper on the side. “I need…”

And just like that, he was doing exactly what she asked, carefully moving the zipper down, exposing more and more tattoos. He was going a bit slower than necessary, but he knew it wasn’t within his purview to change either. He was completely overcome by the creamiest white skin, littered with a mixture of wild colors, words, and a multitude of freckles known only to a select few people. 

And now he was one of them. 

God, he was sick. 

As soon as the dress was gone, he raced over to his dresser and found the smallest shirt he owned, slipping it over her head before she had time to protest. Not that he was sure she could in her state. 

As the dress joined the gown on the floor, he found his shirt wasn’t quite long enough to cover everything, so he pulled up the sheet and tucked it under her arms. At this angle, her body seemed unbearably tiny and fragile. 

“You’ll stay?” she whispered. 

“Of course.”

Like he had a say.

He sat on the floor beside his own bed, pulling his legs up and resting his arms across his knees, putting his head in between them. He worked on regulating his own breathing while struggling to stay awake and wait for Carlisle. 

When she turned and laid her hand on his shoulder, clinging to his shirt like a lifeline, she whimpered again. She obviously didn’t trust him to stay put. 

Obviously, she didn’t _trust_. Period. 

He put his hand over hers and laid his head back against the mattress and closed his eyes, inhaling her scent. He tried to imagine what it would be like after all this crap had left her system for good. Crap that had no business being mingled in to begin with, and somewhere in the dark recesses of his mind, he also hoped she would always need him like this. But not for the same reason again. 

Either way, he knew he couldn’t let her go now. 


	25. roll the credits

Lily threw Derek’s arm off her waist and the sheets along with it as the heat overtook her body. She knew he ran hot, but this was ridiculous. The entire room was stifling and suffocating to her, despite the fact that she basically had nothing on. 

Her eyes searched the room they were in, trying to remember coming here but failing. Her mind held no memory of this place, and yet she knew it was Derek’s room somehow. Everything about what she could see in the darkness, which wasn’t a lot, reminded her of him. She didn’t dare to move out of bed to investigate, though, for fear she’d wake him up. 

And she didn’t really trust her legs. Or her stomach. 

The longer she laid there, the more she could recall spending time in the bathroom with Derek behind her, and no matter what she did to push him away he never left. She groaned and threw an arm over her eyes as the embarrassment of most of the events of however many days she’d been here started rushing back. 

She wanted to crawl into a hole and die. 

Then she found herself panicking. Charlie had to be seconds away from bursting through the door, worried sick. And she instantly hated herself for putting him through that. It was true that he had been understanding and wonderful about all her issues and trauma before now, but she knew most people would draw the line at a functional alcoholic teenager. 

And she wouldn’t blame him. 

“What is it?” Derek whispered, his voice groggy. 

“Kill me,” she said. 

He chuckled and rolled over to face her fully. “Not a chance. Not after all that shit.” She groaned again, wishing the bed would swallow her up and put her out of her misery. “Are you hungry?”

“No,” she lied. 

“Humor me?” 

“I’m not a baby, Derek,” she hissed. 

“Yes, I did know that,” he said sarcastically. “But if you don’t soon you’re gonna pass out again.”

“Again?”

“Whoa,” Derek replied dryly. “You have no idea what I’m talking about. Do you?” 

She shook her head. “I remember coming over here because I was pissed at you. And then, I think you called Carlisle.”

“Yep.”

“And then?”

“Eat and I’ll tell you.”

She rolled her eyes and removed her arm. “I don’t need you to bribe me.”

“Sounds like you do,” he remarked, sitting up completely and scooting off the end of his bed. “Grilled cheese okay?”

“No.”

He scoffed and threw a shirt on as he headed to the kitchen without figuring out if she was serious or not. 

“Do I get my phone, warden?” she mumbled. 

“Yes, brat,” he called from the hallway. 

He flipped on the lights as he went and she threw the covers back over her face, wanting to cry as it seemed to burn her corneas. 

“Can you _not_ , asshole?” 

“What?” he asked, appearing back in the doorway. “What’s wrong?”

“Turn off the lights,” she whimpered. “Like all of them. In the whole city.”

He chuckled and headed back into the kitchen, turning off as many as he could, but leaving the one to the kitchen on as he cooked. She pulled down the comforter slowly when she noticed most of the light had dissipated and saw he had even shut the door most of the way for her too, making her smile. 

But it faded quickly. 

_He has to do what you say!_ her mind screamed at her. _You’re his imprint!_

Oh, there it was. The real reason she had stayed away from Derek all this time. He had no free will where she was concerned. If she asked for anything, he had to give it to her. And if she used him like that, she was no better than any of the monsters that had caused her to start drinking in the first place. 

It would never be mutual between them. He would always be beholden to her, and even if she could learn to love him in the same way, it would never not be a complete imbalance between them. Lydia and Stiles and Allison and Scott might be okay with that arrangement, but she had a much different history and she couldn’t stomach that responsibility. Ever. 

She worked on keeping her heartbeat as low as she could get it. She could feel the tremors starting back up, and with how sore her body was they had clearly already gone on for several hours. She hoped they would stop soon, but depending on how long it had been without a drink, she was in for a pretty rough night. 

And this time she wouldn’t have the luxury of blacking out for it either. This one she was going to feel on a molecular level. And it was exactly why she had decided to keep drinking and never stop. She always got to this part and then chickened out. She didn’t have the strength. She had to get home as soon as she could. 

He might not let her drive, but maybe he could take her there. If she asked, he would have to, she reasoned. She didn’t like doing it, but he was leaving her almost no options. It was either suffer, and maybe die over this shit tonight, or keep drinking and develop some sort of liver issues by the time she was 35. 

At least with the second choice, she got some more time with Charlie and Renée. She had earned that, she felt. She had survived on her own and been through more trauma than anyone else could possibly be expected to endure. She had earned the right to decide. 

When Derek reappeared, he was carrying two bowls of tomato soup and a stack of grilled cheese. Her stomach did a flip, but mostly settled when he put the tray down next to the bed on the floor. She tried to sit up on her own, but her arms barely supported her weight and shook violently as she tried to push herself into a seated position. 

“Let me help,” Derek offered quietly. 

He put a hand on her back and supported her until she was propped up against the pillows behind her. When he seemed satisfied she wasn’t going to fall over, he bent down and grabbed one half of a sandwich and handed it to her. 

“Are you sure you don’t wanna turn on a light in the bathroom or something?”

“Yeah, it’s kinda weird eating in the dark, huh?” 

“A little, but I wasn’t gonna say anything,” he said.

She couldn’t tell completely, but it sounded like he was trying to tease her. Lily couldn’t focus on that, though, as she forced the sandwich near her mouth. 

She took a very hesitant bite at the corner of the grilled cheese and swallowed quickly, hoping to catch her stomach off guard before it could decide to reject anything she tried to put in it. Her throat burned like a hot poker was being shoved down it as the bread and cheese slid painfully and she moaned loudly. 

“Jesus Christ!”

“What?” he asked, his eyes wild with concern. 

“My fucking throat,” she explained. “What the hell?”

“Oh, you’ve been throwing up for, like, two days or something.”

“Two days? Wha––I’ve been here for two days?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, but it’s fine. Charlie thinks you’re at a thing with Lydia and Allison. A slumber party or something. He doesn’t know.”

“What about my mom? What about the party?”

“Well, you definitely missed the party, but it’s okay. And your mom leaves tomorrow night. You’ll need to go say goodbye so no one figures anything out. Think you can do that?”

She nodded. Maybe another night with Derek to rest wouldn’t be the worst idea. He seemed to know what he was doing with her. And she trusted him not to let her die, at the very least. He could call Carlisle if it got bad enough. 

“Did you _see_ me throw up?” she asked, taking another bite. 

“I did,” he said. 

“Ew.”

He chuckled. “It wasn’t pretty, but it’s fine. I’ve seen people throw up before. You know I’m a firefighter, right?”

She laughed and then winced when the stomach muscles that had been used more than ever protested the movement. “I did. Yes.” 

“Want some soup?”

“I want to go home,” she said. 

She said it, but she wasn’t sure she meant it. Resting sounded like heaven, though she had no idea how much rest she’d actually get tonight. But Derek’s bed was bigger than hers and she could writhe in pain in private, at least. No Charlie to check in on her. 

“No dice,” Derek said, shaking his head and pulling a sandwich up for himself. “If you go home now, you’re just gonna drink and I really don’t think you wanna do this again.”

God, she was starting to hate this whole mystical connection thing. She didn’t like that he knew that about her. She was still wrestling with how to handle any of this and now he was just swooping in, saying all the right things and absolutely _nothing_ she wanted to hear. 

“But… it’s gonna get so much worse tonight. And I don’t think I can do it.”

“You can,” he retorted, “and you will. Because I’m not letting you die. Purely selfish reasons.”

She smirked. “Because I’m your imprint?”

“What? No. Because Charlie would kill me. Obviously. Self-preservation,” he quipped. “That’s all.”

She pursed her lips in an attempt to stay angry at him, but it wasn’t working. She could already feel the smile spreading again, for one, so she took another bite to hide it. She chewed for a second as she mulled over another question she had, not sure she wanted the answer to it. 

“Did you, uh, take my dress off?”

“I helped,” he nodded. 

“So you’ve seen me naked.”

“Nope. I closed my eyes. I gave you a shirt,” he replied. 

She wasn’t sure she completely believed him since he blushed the tiniest amount, but she didn’t press it. If he was lying, it was for her benefit. Not his. 

“Does this mean I haven’t showered in two days, though?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Oh my God. That is disgusting,” she whined. 

“You can take one before you go back to sleep, if you want.”

“I, uh, don’t have clothes here. Do I?”

He pointed to a bag on the floor that she recognized and wondered who had been tasked with that particular job and hoped it was Bella, or at least a girl. She couldn’t handle the idea that Isaac, Stiles, or even Edward had gone through her underwear drawer. 

“I don’t think I can,” she admitted after a second. “I’m way too weak for that.”

“I can call Lydia or Allison. They said they would help.”

“That’s _exactly_ what I need,” she said, sarcasm clinging to every word she spoke. “My friends seeing me naked and having to hold me up while I shower because I’m a detoxing piece of shit. Yeah, no thanks.” 

“You’re not a piece of shit,” he bit back. “Don’t… don’t do that.”

Her eyes got wide at his outburst, but she didn’t comment on it as he worked to calm himself back down.

“I can try. You can call… Lydia, I guess.”

“I can help,” he said. “It’s up to you. I’ve already seen you puke your guts up. I’m sure I can handle a shower.”

She wanted to be mortified, but all it made her do was laugh. “Jerk.”

“Maybe,” he said, shrugging again. “Come on. We can finish this in a minute. You’re not really eating anyway.”

“I was too,” she said, holding up her half-eaten piece. “See.”

“Wow. Very proud. You eat like a bird. Come on,” he repeated. 

“What if I say no?”

“I know you feel gross, Lily. You don’t look gross, but I get it. Come on. It’ll make you feel better.”

“Can you even make me do something I don’t want to?” she asked, putting down her sandwich on the tray. “Like if I’m serious?”

“Of course I can,” he said, his eyebrows pulling in the middle. “Why wouldn’t I be able to?”

“Because I’m your imprint,” she said forcefully. 

He laughed properly at that one and she folded her arms across her chest, the embarrassment washing over her now scalding hot. 

“That’s not how any of it works, Lily. I can throw you over my shoulder or I can help you walk. Pick.”

She let her arms loosen slightly, somehow glad to know that at least some of her assumptions were wrong, but not ready to let herself believe completely either yet. It couldn’t change anything. They were not supposed to be together. This wasn’t how it was supposed to feel. Not that she was any sort of expert on the subject matter. 

“I want to walk,” she finally decided. 

He nodded and held out his hands for her to take, and she sighed heavily and squared her shoulders as she stood. She fell right into his chest, her legs not wanting to support her full weight yet either. He gripped her waist as he steered her toward the large master bath right off his room, turning off the light as soon as they were inside. 

Now the only light coming in was from the moon through the huge window to their right, keeping them mostly bathed in darkness thanks to the trees that surrounded the house. 

“Better?” he whispered. 

She nodded and walked gingerly toward the glass doors of the shower, holding her hand out to open it. She could see a tiled bench seat that was built into the overall structure, and the several shower heads that might help her feel semi-normal again. She bit her lip to keep from groaning appreciatively at the sight. She hadn’t realized until that moment how much she really _did_ need this, but she didn’t want Derek to get all smug about it either. 

He put her on the cold tile and she leaned against the wall as he took off his socks and shirt, leaving his shorts in place before getting back inside with her and switching on the water. It got hot quicker than she thought possible and steam filled the small space. She closed her eyes as he pulled the shirt off over her head and then bent down to take off her panties next. 

While there was absolutely nothing sexual about what was happening, her body didn’t seem to be able to tell a difference, and it instantly tensed as he put his fingers under the band and pulled them down. She lifted her hips to help him the best she could, but any other movements were out of the question and she knew that. Her body was already screaming at her to cut it out. It was far too weak to put up with much more strain. 

When she was completely nude, she could hear him stand back up and reach around, putting different bottles near her feet, but she chose to keep her eyes closed. She could blame most of it on her exhaustion, but the real problem was that she wasn’t prepared to see him at her feet, his shorts clinging to him and outlining things she did not want to know about. 

This wasn’t the time for that. In fact, there would never be a time she would need that particular piece of information because that was not going to happen. Right now, she was dealing with something far bigger and beyond any attraction she may or may not have. And he was helping her. That was it.

He washed off every inch of her body with a soap that smelled vaguely like him, but it was gentle enough that it didn’t bother her or her stomach. When he was finished with that, he turned his attention to her hair, making her stand up next to him to make sure he got all the shampoo out. By the time he finished, the water was running cold and she was shivering on the bathmat as he rushed around getting her a towel. 

He let her lay back down without worrying about getting dressed and pulled the covers back up as he shoved the soup under her nose. She wanted desperately to sleep, but also knew he was right about this too. She was about to collapse and it was because there were no nutrients to battle this with. Tonight was going to be hell without her starving herself too. 

She lazily slurped down the lukewarm soup, noting how much better this felt on her throat than the sandwich. When he went back into the bathroom to change and clean up, he turned the light back on for a split second and her eyes opened up out of habit, but she slammed them shut when a searing headache seemed to cut through the middle of her brain, threatening to split it open. 

She also kept her mouth shut somehow too, determined not to make anymore pathetic noises of discomfort as he worked to clean up her mess, both metaphorical and literal. 

Derek rejoined her, sitting on the floor again, in his flannel pajama bottoms and a plain white t-shirt. Now that the lights were off once more, she dared open her eyes, but not for too long at a time. 

“Did that feel good?”

“Yes. Thank you, Derek. I’m… I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For being a mess,” she declared. 

He bent over close to her face, putting the bowl back on the tray and moving it out of the way. Something like sadness crossed his features as he pushed her wet hair out of her face and stared into her eyes. 

“I don’t mind a little mess.”

“I’m a big fucking mess, Derek.”

He smiled at her, letting it reach his eyes. “Nah.” Then he pressed his lips to her forehead. “Get some sleep, okay?”

“Come to bed?” 

“I’m right here,” he promised. 

And for once, she believed him. 

“I’m getting cold again,” she argued. “And you were up here when I woke up.”

“Because your teeth were chattering so bad I thought you were gonna chip a damn tooth,” he said. “It’s fine. I can stay on the floor.”

“You… you don’t have to. I just thought it might be more comfortable…”

“I can come up there if you want,” he interrupted. “But you’re in my spot.”

“I’m in your spot?” 

“Yeah, I can’t sleep with you exposed like that,” he remarked, pointing to the door. “I have to be the closest to the door or I can’t sleep. Especially if you’re gonna be in here.”

“I was here earlier,” she reasoned. 

“And I wasn’t asleep,” he countered. 

“Derek,” she croaked, “have you not slept at all?”

“Of course I have,” he said quietly, laughing low. “I’m pretty sure I’d be dead if I hadn’t slept. I had already been up for, like, a whole day when you showed up.” 

She scooted over quickly, making room for him and pulling the sheet up to invite him in. He seemed to wage a small war with himself before pushing off the floor and sliding in. She hoped it wasn’t because of everything he had seen, but she knew it would be completely within his rights to feel however he wanted toward her now. 

And she knew pity was what came next. As much as she hated the idea of seeing it on his face, she had to accept it. After whatever had happened that she couldn’t remember, and most of what she could, he could look at her however he wanted. 

But maybe, at the end of the day, they could be friends now. If she made it through the night, anyway. 

He laid on his back and opened his arms, inviting her to lay across his chest. She took the opportunity without bothering to care about the consequences. She was cold, tired, and wet. She wanted someone to hold her and tell her it was all going to be okay. 

Even if it was a lie. 


	26. feel something

Derek’s eyes opened slowly, the light streaming through his curtains forcing him to wake up. But he didn’t want to. It was warm in his bed. And he had Lily in his arms. For once, it wasn’t a dream either. He had no intention of moving until she made him. 

He hated that she had been in so much pain the majority of the time they had spent together. He would’ve preferred a  _ much _ different scenario, but he didn’t get to pick. It’s not like either of them would’ve chosen this for her. But it was over now. Hopefully, they could move past some of their collective issues since one of her individual ones was seemingly laid to rest. 

Though Derek knew that wasn’t entirely the case. Or it wouldn’t be for a while. He knew what it meant to come out the other side of this thing. Yes, the roughest part might be over, physically speaking, but the mental and psychological crap was sometimes worse. 

He was determined to push that all out of his mind for now, though. That was a problem for future Derek. Instead, he tightened his grip around her waist and pulled her closer to his chest, where her face was currently buried, and tried to make himself go back to sleep. 

But as was often the case, the world had other plans, and his phone rang on the nightstand. He knew it was pointless to ignore it too. If it was work, he had to answer. If it was the pack, he could hold off, unless they called twice. That was their signal if it was an emergency, but he had no idea which it was unless he at least looked. And in order to do that, he was going to have to remove himself from the cocoon they’d made. 

She moaned and pulled at his shirt as he laid on his back and pulled his phone off its charger, looking at the caller ID. 

“What, Stiles?” he whispered, his voice thick from sleep as he answered. 

“Hey, man. Sorry. I tried texting and you didn’t answer. I just wanted to make sure you knew what time  Renée was leaving today.”

“Oh, uh. I’ll look in a little bit. Lily will be there. Sorry.”

“No, it’s all good. You have a few more hours. Lydia wanted me to check on you guys too.”

He chuckled low as Lily scooted over and laid across his chest. “We didn’t kill each other, if that’s what you’re asking,” Derek responded playfully. “But I’m exhausted, Stiles. Can I call you back later?”

“Sure. Sure. Talk soon. Byeeee.”

Derek chuckled and let the line go dead without saying goodbye himself as he dropped the phone noisily on the nightstand. He kept his eyes shut, but with the curtains open, he wasn’t going to be able to keep them that way for long, so he rolled to his side and wrapped both his arms around Lily again. 

“Who the hell was that?” she groaned, trying to get comfortable again. “It’s too early.”

He chuckled into her hair. “Stiles. And it’s not that early.”   
  
“The sun is out,” she retorted. “It is way too early.”

He shook his head and laid his cheek against the top of her head, more than happy to follow along with her very flawed logic. 

“Your mom leaves today. We’ll have to leave the bed at some point.”

“Ugh, fine. But only for my mom,” she said. “Then back to bed, right?”

He nodded. “If you want.”

“I want,” she responded, sighing heavily.

He couldn’t stop himself from smiling at her confession. “Well, you didn’t die last night. And you managed to sleep the whole time. That’s not nothing. You happy?”

“Hungry,” she corrected. 

“Really?” he asked, pulling back slightly. “I can make something.”

“No, I can do it. You’ve done too much.”

“Listen, the stubbornness is very endearing,” he commented, “but I don’t need you burning down my kitchen. I don’t mind. Really.”

“In a minute,” she said, burrowing back into his chest. “It’s cold out there.”

“Out where?”

“Any place that isn’t this bed. This is my home now. I live here,” she joked. 

The way his heart squeezed at her words told him how badly he didn’t want her to be kidding. But he couldn’t tell her that. 

After a few minutes ticked by in contented silence, she spoke again. “Can I ask you something?’ 

“Mhmm.”

“You can’t get mad,” she prefaced. “But it’s about… imprinting.”

“Why would I get mad about that?”

She shrugged against his body. “Well, there’s the whole thing where I pretended like it was fake and yelled at you and then anyone else who mentioned it for, like, three weeks.”

“That you did,” he responded bluntly. “But I’m pretty sure I would’ve done that too. It sounds…”

“Creepy?” she said, completing his thought. 

“Yeah,” he agreed. “It sounds  _ real _ creepy. And the way Lydia and Stiles and Allison and Scott act around each other probably doesn’t help me either. When you said cult the other day, I realized that’s exactly what it reminded me of too, but ya know. You ran off and we haven’t been around each other since then.”

“I’m sorry,” she offered quietly. 

“Like I said, I would’ve done the same thing. Don’t, uh, don’t worry about it. You had other stuff going on too. It’s… not a big deal,” he lied. 

She turned her head, laying her cheek against his chest, but didn’t say anything else. At least not right away. 

“Do you love me?” she murmured quietly after another minute. 

It was a simple enough question. He understood it. He got why she would want an answer to it. But the context was throwing him off. There were so many ways to describe how he felt about her, and yet, all the words in the world didn’t seem to encompass everything either. 

A glorious juxtaposition, Peter had called it. And Derek found he wished he couldn’t appreciate it like his uncle claimed he might one day. 

“I do,” he breathed. 

He paid attention to every little movement she made, and he didn’t let it slip by him that she didn’t tense up, scream at him, or even really react at all. And then her next question told him why. It was the more important one. 

“Are you  _ in _ love with me?”

His eyes teared up instantly at the thought of answering her truthfully, because he knew she couldn’t handle it right now. There were too many other things at play in her life, and in his, that made their being together  _ like that _ too hard. But he wanted it desperately. He wanted to open his mouth and let everything in his heart just leak out. 

But he couldn’t do that to her. 

“No,” he lied again. “I don’t think so.”

“What, umm, what does that mean?” 

“I thought I’d been in love before,” he began. “Before I met you. But I don’t think I was. And I’m not sure I know what that would even look like now.”

She nodded, seemingly satisfied with his non-answer. “Is there any way we could be friends?”

“Of course,” he said quickly. 

Probably too quickly. 

She gave a little high trilling laugh at his enthusiasm. “What about being my  _ best _ friend? I mean, I get Stiles probably holds that spot, but with Bella, you know, umm, leaving or whatever, I don’t have anyone else who really understands this. I know there’s Lydia and Allison and Erica, but they all have boyfriends and minus Erica, they’re kinda… ya know. And I don’t think I can hide it very well if I suddenly start going to AA meetings. Forks isn’t big enough for that,” she rambled. 

“Ah, you want me to be your sponsor,” he muttered. “I get it.”

She shoved him, though he hardly moved. “Shut up, butthole.”

“Stiles is  _ not _ my best friend, first of all,” Derek promised with a low chuckle. “So that spot is totally open for you, if you want. We’ll do sleepovers, paint each other’s nails, the whole thing.”

Lily groaned loudly. “You’re the worst.”

“Definitely,” he confided. “But we’re best friends now, so you have to deal with me.”

She laughed again, a little louder than the last time, and he couldn’t get over the way it made him feel. It reverberated inside his whole body when he heard it, like it was coming from deep within him too.

“Was that all the questions you had? Because you mentioned food and now I’m starving, so…” 

Right on cue, her stomach gave a loud rumble, making them both laugh. “You can come in the kitchen with me,” he offered. “Bombard me with fucking questions. I don’t care at all. But I’m not really an expert on this thing. You probably know more than me.”

“Um, no. I don’t,” she admitted. “All that research with Carlisle was about Slayer stuff. And how not to kill Edward in my sleep.”

“You’ve tried to kill Edward?” 

“No, but I didn’t wanna rule anything out. When you’re asleep, your defenses are down. He sleeps in there with us every night. I was worried.”

He nodded thoughtfully, as if he might understand or something, but he knew there was no way he could. Yes, he turned into a giant wolf that ran around in the forest outside her dad’s house every night because some psycho bitch vampire was after her sister, but somehow the whole Slayer thing felt disconnected, far removed from his own. They were both capable of the same thing, though, so maybe they weren’t as separate as he assumed. 

Or maybe he wanted them to be so he wouldn’t have to think about it. 

“Come on,” he announced quickly, not wanting them to get distracted again. “Let’s get some food.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Alpha,” she purred. 

He wrinkled his nose, pretending to be disgusted. “Oh my God. Never call me that again.”

“Not even in bed?” she said, pretending to be shocked. “I thought that was the one place I  _ could _ call you that.”

“You are a ridiculous person,” he said, his face deadpan as he shook his head, trying not to smirk. “And I don’t know what I did in my previous lives to be forced to put up with your punk ass.”

She smiled wide as he dragged her to her feet, thankfully managing to hold onto her towel as he hoisted her up. When he was convinced she wasn’t going to faceplant, he bent down to grab her bag from where it had been all weekend. 

“Clothes in here. I’ll be in the hallway if you need help, okay?” he said, moving to leave. 

But she grabbed his arm. “You’ve already seen me naked, Derek. You literally bathed me last night. I think we’re past this, don’t you?”

“The lights were off. I didn’t see much.”

“Oh, you’re a bad fucking liar, Hale. You know that?”

“Am not,” he mumbled. 

“Sure, sure. Just help me. I feel like shit still,” she whined slightly. “My entire body feels like one giant bruise.”

He rolled his eyes at her petulant attitude as if the idea of her broken and bruised body didn’t send him into a tailspin emotionally.

“Fine, brat.” 

“Thank you,” she said in a sing-song voice that told him she knew very well what she was doing and that she’d won. “You’re my favorite.”

“Favorite what?” he asked as she dropped her towel, in an effort to distract himself. “Favorite wolf?” 

“Nope,” she said. 

She put her hands out as he handed her a bra first and she slipped it on easily enough. “No, that’s probably Scott.”

He pursed his lips and handed over underwear next. When she went to bend down, she winced, and even though she did her best to hide it, he saw it. He didn’t comment on it, though, since she seemed determined to stay quiet. 

When she straightened back up, he went back to their banter. If it made her feel better for even a second, he would use the only thing he really had in his arsenal. Sarcasm and a very dark sense of humor had served him well over the years, and Lily seemed just as adept at them. Probably for the same reasons. 

“Favorite firefighter?” he asked. 

She giggled. “No. That’s my dad.”

“Ah, makes sense,” he replied, slipping a navy blue shirt over her head as she held up her arms. “Scott’s really your favorite werewolf?”

“You’re not gonna let that one go, are you?”

“Probably not,” he admitted. “Okay, favorite… person?”

“No. That’s a tie. Between Bella and Stiles.  _ Obviously _ .”

“Well, fuck, what’s left?”

“Just my favorite,” she said simply. 

She slid her legs in one at a time to the shorts he found near the bottom of her bag, falling back on the bed momentarily so she wouldn’t be forced to bend down again. And he bit the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning as he both watched her and let the meaning of her words hit him. 

“Piggyback ride?” she asked, holding her arms out when she finished getting dressed.

“Hell no,” he complained. “I’ll carry you like a baby or not at all.”

She laughed, and for the first time since he’d known her, it reached her eyes. They sparkled in a way that made it difficult to look away, but he managed. Then he put his hands on his hips, in a very obvious display of fake dominance as she peered up at him and poked her lip out for effect. 

“Fine,” he said, rolling his eyes and turning around. “But don’t tell the pack about this. I’ll never live it down.”

“Yay!” she said, clapping her hands and scrambling to stand on the mattress. 

When she was in place, he headed back down the hall and into the kitchen, first stopping in the living room. Since it was all open, he knew he could keep an eye on her and she’d be more comfortable than at one of the hard wooden chairs by the table. But instead of sitting her down as gently as he’d done since she’d shown up, he let go without warning when they were near enough to the couch and let her fall with a thud onto the cushions. 

“Hey,” she complained, sitting up. “You’re supposed to be nice to me.”

“Yeah, no. That’s not how this works either. If you’re a brat, I get to treat you like one. It’s in the imprint handbook.”

“There’s no handbook,” she retorted, narrowing her eyes. “I looked.”

He shook his head and opened the fridge, hiding his own smile with the door as he moved things around. “What do you want? Breakfast or lunch?”

“What time is it?”

“Lunch time.”

“That’s not a time on a clock, Derek.”

“It is. There’s breakfast, brunch, lunch, second lunch, dinner, and midnight snack. Did no one teach you this?”

“No, I learned to tell time like a normal person,” she teased. 

“Ah, well, see, that’s werewolf time. You’re gonna have to get on board if you’re gonna hang out and be my best friend,” he threatened. “Everything is done around patrols and food. And work for me.”

“Lunch it is, then.”

“Soup or sandwich?”

“Is that all you can cook?”

“No,” he replied slowly. “That’s just what I wanted when I had to do all this detoxing. So I thought you might want it too. I couldn’t stomach much of anything else.”

“Ah.”

He couldn't help it as he pulled back from the fridge when she said that, unable to place the emotion behind her words. It bordered on sad, but it held something else there too. He didn’t want to ask, though. Mainly because she didn’t seem ready to give him an answer anyway. 

“Soup sounds good,” she said quietly. 

She started to look around from her seat, taking in the different aspects of his house she hadn’t seen when she arrived, as he decided on chicken noodle finally. He still had some homemade from the last batch he’d whipped up when Isaac got a cold, so reheating was faster than something fresh. Even though he would’ve preferred to take his time. 

He set out the bowls first and then went back for crackers and water. As much as he knew she wanted literally anything else, putting even a Coke in front of her right now was going to be difficult. It was what she had used to mask the alcohol, and that’s all it would remind her of for a little while, making staying away from the other harder. 

And making it harder made the odds of relapse higher. Derek would be damned if he let her go back to that. Not without some say on his part. He would put up a fight. For her. 

He flipped on the TV as she lowered herself down slowly onto the floor so she could eat at the coffee table without spilling it on herself. He turned on some house hunting show––the one Boyd always watched when he was over––and let it play softly in the background. 

She ate slowly, but she managed to eat almost everything, which shocked him. At this point for him, he couldn’t have stomached that much without running to the bathroom, which Peter probably remembered vividly. 

After she finished, she pulled herself back onto the couch and laid her head in his lap. Her eyes started to close almost as soon as she did, too, and his fingers found their way to her hair as he pushed his own bowl away and leaned back. 

She hummed appreciatively at his not-so-absentminded touch, and he focused on the sound of her gentle breathing as she drifted off to sleep. It wouldn’t be very long before he’d have to wake her up again, forcing her back into the world and away from the safe space he had managed to create for her here, but for now he was going to enjoy this. 

He was going to let them both enjoy this. 


	27. gather up your soul

Lily closed her eyes as she let the sun from the window stream in and heat up her face. It wasn’t the same kind of pleasant warmth that spread out over her when she was with Derek, but it was the best she could do for now. 

It also kept sneaking behind the clouds, and with the way the weather operated in Forks, it would be extremely short-lived. In fact, she could almost smell the rain rolling in from the nearby beach, causing her to send up a silent prayer that she would make it back to Derek’s before the sky unleashed on them. 

His perfect little cabin in the woods had unintentionally become her sanctuary. It was just far enough out of town that there were no neighbors for a few miles, but not so far away that she couldn’t make a trip to the grocery store in under thirty minutes. 

And the way he had renovated didn’t hurt either. 

She could tell that he had spent an absurd amount of time in there, because no way had it fallen into his hands like that. Lily hadn’t explored most of it, but Derek had pointed out before she left earlier that it was very possible that someone from the pack would be bunked up in there when she got back. Apparently, they all had beds and the slumber parties he joked about with her weren’t such a joke after all. 

The thought made her smile again. 

Lily had assumed letting go of one of the last strings that held her to her former life would have been much more painful than this weekend had been. She had also wrongly assumed she wasn’t strong enough to make it out alive either, at least not outside of a hospital. And yet, here she was, riding down the road to Charlie’s to pick up more clothes with Isaac behind the wheel. 

She couldn’t deny that she was still in shock over the fact that Derek had handed over the keys to his Camaro so easily. She knew it had to do with her and his need to keep her safe, but she decided to concentrate on the sound of Isaac humming along peacefully to the song on the radio that was barely audible instead. 

Derek had been forced to do some paperwork at the station house for a few hours, leaving Lily alone for the first time in three days. While she didn’t like it any more than he seemed to, it did give her just enough time to say goodbye to her Mom and Phil before they went back to Jacksonville, where she and Bella would visit in a few weeks. 

It had been a teary goodbye, but she had expected that. She wasn’t as close to her mom as she was with Charlie, but she still loved her fiercely. That she could tell. That she trusted. And saying goodbye to those you loved was never easy, especially when you had no real practice with it. 

When they pulled into the driveway, and Isaac put the car in park, she noticed that Charlie was gone too. Her eyebrows pulled as she tried to remember if he had told her where he’d be off to this weekend and coming up short. She had been too concerned with Derek not showing up to graduation to recall much else. 

“Oh, uh, he’s fishing, I think,” Isaac offered, noticing her expression. “With Noah.”

“Ah, okay. Thanks. I’ll be right back,” she responded cheerfully. 

“You want me to come inside?”

“I don’t think any monsters are gonna jump out at me in my house,” Lily teased. “I’ll tell Derek you were the perfect bodyguard, though. Okay?”

He chuckled. “Thanks, Lil.”

She opened the door finally, a smile firmly on her face, and headed straight inside. She ducked her head as she ran, trying to keep most of the rain that was starting to fall off her face. When she crossed the threshold, she shook off her coat and hung it on a hook, noticing a gentle thrum of adrenaline coursing through her veins. 

She brushed it off, sensing the remnants of Edward’s cologne and natural musk still hanging in the air from his last visit. After so long apart, it was to be expected. She could keep her instincts in check much better when they spent time together regularly. But it had been a whole three days sans vampires, minus Carlisle, and she didn’t exactly remember a whole lot of  _ that _ part anyway. 

Lily shook out her arms to calm herself, making her way to the fridge first. She rummaged inside for something to drink, pulling back with a water bottle in her hands. As much as she normally despised the bland taste of water, Derek had been right. It just made her  _ feel _ better and even managed to settle her stomach. The fact that it also kept her from daydreaming about alcohol this early in the game certainly helped too.

But as she put the bottle to her lips, she noticed the gentle thrum wasn’t so gentle anymore and the adrenaline was causing her hands to shake. 

Something was wrong. 

Someone was here. 

Someone she didn’t know. 

Lily closed her eyes slowly, trying to determine where in the house the intruder was, using her new set of investigative skills and heightened senses that Carlisle and Edward had helped her hone. It was a strange sensation to let these particular instincts take over. They seemed as natural as breathing, a part of herself she could never dislodge. 

But when she opened her eyes again, she was in her room. 

And she wasn’t alone. 


	28. seven devils

Stiles watched Derek as he scribbled furiously on his clipboard as he walked around the rig slowly. Even now, distracted as he was, Derek was meticulous when it came to his other job. His other love. Helping people had been baked right into Derek Hale’s DNA and it was the number one reason Stiles had always tried to get him to see it in himself over the years, hoping it would help him find someone to come home to like he had with Lydia. 

But, as always, the whole werewolf thing had other ideas. This time in the form of Lily Swan. Sure, girl had her own baggage, maybe even rivaling Derek and his, but they fit together so perfectly, so seamlessly, Stiles couldn’t see anyone else there with his friend now. 

“Stiles, you can go,” Derek said quietly. “I’ve only got a few more minutes here anyway. Go be with Lydia, dude.”

“Nah, I wanted to hang out with you,” he corrected. “I wanted to see how it went.”

“You think I’m gonna tell you that?” Derek smirked. 

“What?” Stiles squeaked. “Why not?” 

“Because it’s none of your business.”

He pulled open one of the doors on the side of the large red firetruck and peered inside as Stiles folded his arms across his chest. 

“It’s always been my business before,” he pouted. 

“No,” Derek said, laughing quietly, “you  _ made _ it your business before. This is different.”

“Come on, man,” he whined. “Just tell me if you guys kissed.”

“What? No. We didn’t. It wasn’t like that. You know why she was there, right?”

“Yeah, but it was three days, Derek. Nothing happened? Really?”

“Really,” Derek insisted. 

“Really?”

“You’re an idiot, Stiles,” Derek said, shutting the door and rolling his eyes. “It’s not about sex all the time. Tell me you know that.” He paused. “Or at least tell me you guys use protection. Because a pregnant and hormonal werewolf is the last thing I need.”

He grumbled the last part as he continued to write, never taking his eyes off the task at hand, and Stiles smiled. Of course they used protection, but the idea of Lydia pregnant with his child made him a special kind of giddy he needed to dislodge immediately. Because Derek was right. They did  _ not _ need that right now. 

Stiles sighed heavily and then sat up, typing a message to Lydia about it being her turn to try and get the dirt out of Lily since he’d failed miserably with Derek. 

“Are we doing anything tonight?” Stiles asked without looking up, relaying Lydia’s question. “Lydia wants to know if she should cook something.” 

“Uh, we can,” Derek answered easily. “We could invite Edward and Bella over too. I know Lily wants to see her as much as possible before they ride off into the sunset or whatever.”

He snorted his laughter. “Very true. Did they say where they were ‘going to college’ yet?”

Stiles made sure to put air quotes around that phrase because every single one of them knew that Bella wasn’t going to be in any condition to attend classes, even in Alaska. 

“Umm, I think Bella got accepted to the University of Alaska, actually,” Derek offered, shutting the door again. “But I’m not sure. You’ll have to ask Edward.”

Stiles nodded just as his phone started ringing and he picked it up when the caller ID displayed Isaac’s name next to a funny picture they’d taken together forever ago. It made Stiles laugh every  time he saw it, and today was no different. 

“Hey, man,” he said, holding it to his ear. “What is up? I think we’re gonna do a little get-together tonight, if you wanna round up the gang.”

“Stiles, where’s Derek?”

“Uh, here.”

“I need to talk to him. Right now.”

Stiles stood up and rushed over, holding his phone out to Derek. He gave him a funny look, but took it without asking any questions, thankfully. Stiles had no idea what was happening, so he couldn’t answer any questions he might have anyway. All he knew was Isaac seemed upset, completely out of breath, and needed to talk to Derek. Which translated to Big Fucking Pack Emergency. And as long as it didn’t involve Lydia, Stiles would survive. 

Maybe. 

“Hello?”

Stiles began to pace as Derek listened to Isaac rattle off the situation to him. He couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation as well as the wolves he regularly hung out with, but he tried to ignore his constant frustration about that right now. Derek would tell him as soon as he hung up the phone if he needed to be really worried. Until then, he couldn’t do anything but wait. Even if that made him absolutely crazy. 

“Okay. Yep.”

Derek spoke in short, clipped responses, offering nothing else as he rushed around shutting everything he had been checking moments before. Stiles helped as best he could, having seen his dad, and then eventually Derek, complete this routine check since he was a kid. 

“Can I talk to her?”

Derek stopped in the middle of the firehouse, waiting for Isaac’s answer, and Stiles almost ran into his back. But whatever Isaac said caused him to dart out the large doors and straight to Stiles’ Jeep without a word. 

He tossed the keys to Derek, knowing driving wasn’t something he could get away with right now. And since he had no idea where they were going, it was going to take less time this way. As long as he was invited, he was cool with whatever happened next. 

He hoped. 

Derek raced through the streets of Forks at what would normally be considered unhealthy speeds for Stiles’ ancient Jeep, but he didn’t complain. He just hung on as Derek cut every corner way too sharp. 

Stiles started to recognize the route quickly, and realized this wasn’t about the pack at all. It was about Lily. Something had happened when Isaac had dropped her off at home. 

Stiles reached out when it hit him and squeezed Derek’s arm reassuringly as the other man slammed on his brakes in front of Charlie’s house. He then flung the door open and darted inside, his strides long and determined. He didn’t bother shutting anything either as he barged in without knocking. 

When Stiles noticed he didn’t call out for Lily, he determined he must have found her quickly and hoped that whatever he was about to walk into wasn’t a destroyed Alpha. He had no idea how to handle that and knew nothing he could offer would be a comfort to Derek in that situation. Stiles had, like, two things up his sleeve, and none of those were reasonable reactions to grief in any form. 

He took a deep breath and walked into the house, ecstatic to see Derek knelt down beside Lily as she sat on the bottom step of the staircase. But all that faded when he took in the atmosphere. The only way to describe it was oppressive, and it was the same as it had been when his mom had died. The same respect and reverence was being paid here too, and Stiles hated it. 

“I… just… killed him,” Lily said, looking straight at Derek but not seeing anything there. “He’s gone. And  _ I _ did that.”

Derek had his hands on either side of Lily’s face as he spoke to Stiles. “Can you call Edward? I need help.”

Stiles mumbled his agreement and then walked back outside. He’d seen this kind of disconnected ambivalence before, her instincts warring with her human belief system of right and wrong. A vampire had to be involved, and he prayed it wasn’t one of the good ones. 

There weren’t enough of those to go around. 

“Stiles? Is everything all right?” 

“Uh, no. Derek asked me to call you. I don’t know a whole lot, but… I think Lily might have blacked out or something. We’re at Charlie’s house.” 

“I see. Should I bring Bella?”

Stiles walked to the front of the house just enough for him to be able to see Derek, since he knew he could hear him just fine. 

“Edward wants to know if he should bring Bella?”

Derek shook his head no quickly. “Derek says no.”

“I understand. I’ll be right there.”

They hung up like they always did these days, not worrying about saying goodbye properly. It used to bug the shit out of Stiles, but it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Nothing about this was normal, and injecting that tiny piece back into the situation always made it weirder somehow. 

“Want me to call anyone else?”

“Uh, no,” Derek responded. “Is Carlisle coming?” 

“I’m not sure,” Stiles said honestly. “Did you want me to call Edward back?”

“No. That’s okay. I think I got it.”

Stiles nodded and sat on the bottom step to the house, much like Lily was doing inside the house. He hung his head, hating for her sake that it didn’t seem like they could go a week without her getting into something else. He knew she was going to start internalizing that shit soon, and that would be the downfall of everything once it began. 

He could talk to Derek, though, and maybe head it off. Derek would know what to do. He always did. Or he always had in the past. Maybe when it came to your imprint you were just as clueless as the rest, but Stiles pushed that thought out of his head. Lydia always seemed to know what she was doing around him, even when Stiles was utterly out of his element. 

After a few more minutes, Edward appeared at the edge of the woods by the house, startling Stiles. 

“Sorry, Stiles,” he offered, heading inside. “I thought you saw me.”

“It’s okay,” he said, laughing lightly. “Should be used to it by now.”

Edward clapped him on the back as he passed, giving him a gentle smile before running up the stairs. If he was seeing the same scene Stiles and the others had in the alleyway, nothing about his demeanor gave it off from what he could see from the front door. He didn’t even make a sound as he moved around the room. 

“Do you have a first aid kit in your car, Stiles?” Derek asked, turning to face him finally. “I just need some gauze and tape, I think. Nothing too big.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I think.” 

Even as the only human in the mix, he was happy to offer whatever services he could. He rushed to his Jeep and rummaged around under the driver’s seat before coming back with the bright red bag his dad had stashed for him before he’d gotten behind the wheel for the first time. He’d never needed to use it until now, so he wasn’t entirely sure what was inside, but knowing his dad, it’d have everything he needed and then some. 

As he walked back to the house, he saw something being thrown from the upstairs window. It took a few seconds before he realized he was seeing pieces of a vampire being thrown into the fire pit downstairs. He looked around wildly, trying to see if any of this was visible to the neighbors, or from the street, but it seemed as deserted as always. 

He should’ve known better, honestly. Edward was always in control and never one to let their secrets get out. He had more at stake probably than the rest of them with the way his skin gave off his condition a little more easily than the wolves. 

Stiles handed over the kit to Derek and he ushered Lily into the living room, not stopping him as he followed. He couldn’t really do anything else, but he wanted Derek to know he was there just in case. 

He had seen Derek on the scene of an accident before, helping people at their lowest possible moment, but how he handled Lily showed exactly how he revered her. He was gentle in a way Stiles had never seen him display, not that he was ever particularly rough at his job before. He just seemed to instinctively know what he was doing with her, though. And not once did she flinch at his touch like she had done with all of theirs. 

They had chalked it up to the way she had been treated in Beacon Hills, a fact that made them all want to go on a murder spree of their own. But now that Stiles could see the imprint thing in action from the outside, on someone other than Scott and Allison, he understood it better. 

He  _ loved _ Lily.

And loved her in a way that made no sense. Sure, love didn’t make sense on anyone, but like this there was no way to justify or quantify it. There was no rationale behind it. It just  _ was _ . 

There were a few dark bruises on her forearms and some slashes to her torso that seemed relatively superficial, but Derek took stock of and bandaged each one. 

When he finished, he sat down next to her and she laid her head on his shoulder and cried. And now Stiles felt finally like he might be spying on something sacred, so he found his way back out into the foyer as he waited for Isaac and Edward to reappear. 


	29. when you're ready

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Derek asked again. 

Lily didn’t have it in her to lie anymore. They’d been over and over this in the last hour, and she knew why he didn’t believe her. She wasn’t being truthful, for one, and he could tell, but she didn’t have anything else to offer him. She also had no experience with people caring enough to see past all her bullshit to try and figure out what was  _ really _ going on either. 

So she stayed quiet because of course she wasn’t fucking okay. She was never going to be okay again. 

Lily reached over the console, instead of opening her mouth again, and put her hand in his. Then she scooted over as far as she could without unbuckling and laid her head down on his shoulder. 

At her touch, the tension seemed to slough off him like snow from a roof as the sun began to heat it up. He gave her a chaste kiss on the top of her head, the only kind he ever gave her, and then sighed deeply as they continued through town. 

“Are we going back to your house?” she asked, her voice meek and unrecognizable to her own ears. “Or to Edward’s?”

“Uh, mine. They’re going to look up some stuff, I think, but we figured it was better if you just came back to my house to sleep. If you can.” Another sigh. Another kiss. “But I can take you over there, if you wanna see Bella.”

“No. That’s okay.”

He nodded as he put on his blinker and turned slowly. “Do you want me to call your dad?”

“I probably should,” she answered. “He’s gonna think I died or something.”

And there she was again, regretting something she’d said the minute it had left her mouth. He was right at the beginning again, his muscles all taut. He had clearly come to the wrong conclusion when Isaac had called him earlier, and now he was fighting off a whole separate set of memories than she was. 

“I’ll call him when we get there,” she finished. “Did you wanna stop and get something to eat?”

“Are you hungry?”

She bit the inside of her cheek, thinking that would probably involve more social tact than she possessed at the moment. She was hungry, but even if the vampire that she had killed hadn’t been a friend of Edward’s or the Cullens, he could’ve been someone’s, and now he wasn’t going to get to come home to them. She couldn’t very well just walk into a restaurant or drive-thru and pretend everything was fine in front of the unsuspecting public. The very same people who lived so close to all this supernatural madness but remained blissfully unaware of all of her newest secrets.

It was too much. It was all way too much. 

It was her turn to sigh this time. “No, just take me home. I mean, your home. Take me to your house,” she stammered. “You know what I meant.”

He chuckled low. “I did. It’s fine. We’re almost there anyway.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “And if you want something later, I can always go back out, okay?”

She nodded and nuzzled into his neck further, unable to get enough of the feeling associated with this particular spot. It’s where she had ridden out the worst of her weekend, and while she was highly alert to how clingy this made her seem, right now she didn’t care. She just wanted to feel that way again. 

“Uh, actually, I think everyone’s under the impression we’re still hanging out tonight,” Isaac said softly from the backseat. 

Lily jumped slightly at the sound of his voice before she could stop herself. She had completely forgotten anyone else was with them. A problem she was noticing she had around Derek. The rest of the world always seemed to just fade away, and every once in a while someone would enter their little bubble. 

“Nah, I’ll call them later,” Derek said. “But you can hang out if you need, Isaac. We don’t mind. Right, Lil?”

“Of course not,” she squeaked, her heart still thumping loudly. “Actually, everyone can come over. I don’t wanna mess up your plans.”

“You’re my plans,” he insisted. “It’s fine. They’ll be fine.”

“No,” she countered. “Really. I wanna see everyone. It’ll help too. I don’t wanna hang out and think about this shit all night. I need a distraction.”

“Well, Stiles is always good for those,” Isaac teased, laughing to himself. 

“Is that okay?”

She pulled back to look into his eyes. “Yeah, of course,” he answered. “If that’s what you want. But promise me you’ll let me know if it gets to be too much. Okay? They’ll understand.”

She nodded and laid her head back down. “It’ll be fun.”

“Sure, sure.”

They lapsed back into silence and Lily worked on listening to Derek’s breathing, her new anchor in a storm that never quite let up. She didn’t deny that she was still waiting for him to break, though. She didn’t understand how he could be so calm still. There had to be a point at which he would send her away for being overwhelming. 

They pulled into Derek’s driveway a few minutes later and his phone began to ring just as he put the car in park. 

“Hey, Stiles.”

Lily smiled and rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah, we were just talking about that,” Derek responded, getting out of the driver’s side and rushing to her door to open it for her. “You guys can come over whenever you’re ready. We’re just going to be hanging out and watching movies and shit. Nothing big.”

He nodded to something Stiles said as he helped Isaac out of the back too. “Yeah, that’s fine. We can play that too.” He smiled down at Lily when he noticed her staring as they walked inside. “Okay, yep. Okay. See you in a minute. Okay. Yes, Stiles.” He paused as he shook his head, and Lily could hear Stiles on the other end, talking a mile a minute. “Okay. Yes. that’s fine. Okay. Yes. Bye, Stiles.”

He shut the phone and chuckled quietly to himself as he unlocked the door and ushered the inside. Thankfully, the rain had stayed away, for the most part, but she didn’t think it was going to hold off much longer. Which meant it was going to be an indoor party tonight. And she could certainly think of worse ways to spend her evening.

She headed straight for his room, not waiting to see if he followed. If they were coming over, she wanted to make herself semi-presentable and at least take real stock of her injuries. She was sore in places she had never really used before, which told her that it must’ve come from her run-in. She couldn’t help that she had a morbid curiosity that made her want to see how bad it was. 

Lily made her way easily through the bedroom and into the bathroom, hearing the door shut behind her after a few seconds. She knew she should tell him to go away, but she didn’t have it in her. 

She wanted him there. And she liked that she didn’t have to say it. 

“Need help?” he offered. “You got a pretty big bruise on your ribs.”

She nodded. “Sure. If you don’t mind.” 

He gave her a quizzical look through the mirror when she finally looked up to meet his eyes there. “Why would I mind?”

She shrugged. “I figured you gotta be getting sick of me.”

“No way,” he said, shaking his head vehemently. “You’re my bestie now, remember?”

She snorted her laughter. “Ah. I forgot.”

“Rude,” he joked. “Oh, and since Stiles is coming over, we should probably go over what you can and can’t say around him now.”

“Huh?”

“Well,” he said slowly, “I kinda lied. Stiles was my best friend before you got here. And I’m kinda worried he’ll scratch your eyes right out if he hears you braggin’.” 

“Oh my God, I knew it!” she gasped, turning around to face him. “You dirty, rotten…”

“I had to,” he interrupted. “You’re way cuter than him. What was I gonna do? Say no to you?”

She giggled. “True. Very true.”

He nodded solemnly. “Now, do you wanna change?”

“Uh, I didn’t really grab any clothes.”

“I had Isaac get you some stuff while he was upstairs with Edward helping clean up.”

“You let another man near my intimates?” she said, winking. 

Derek’s eyes narrowed as he placed his hands on the counter behind her, backing her up into it. Then, without offering any explanation, he placed his hands on her waist and lifted her effortlessly on top of it. 

“Are you trying to drive me crazy?”

She shrugged, trying to ignore the way her body was responding. “Not really, but it seems like it’d be pretty easy if I did want to.”

“You’re a brat, you know that?” he grumbled. 

She giggled again and put a hand on his chest and felt a jolt of something like electricity pulse under her fingertips. It happened every time they got too close, and yet she was still choosing to actively ignore it, knowing this was better. 

Or, at least, it was easier. 

Derek, however, didn’t seem to be ignoring anything. Instead, he licked his lips slowly, causing her eyes to be drawn to that exact location, before dipping his head towards hers. Her eyes fluttered closed as she waited. 

But at that exact moment, Stiles and the others came through the front door and her eyes popped back open. He was paused, inches from her face, and his eyes were still closed. He looked to be a mixture of irritated and exasperated, but she didn’t want to let herself go there. She hadn’t meant for them to make it this far to begin with. 

His eyes opened back up slowly as he pushed away from the counter. “I’m gonna murder him,” he muttered. 

Lily blinked rapidly as Derek walked back into his room, leaving her alone, sitting on the counter. He didn’t owe her anything, much less an explanation, but her heart was still racing and she couldn’t deny the puddle between her legs. 

And then the bedroom door lock clicked into place. 

She scrambled to get down off the counter quickly, not wanting to have him find her there. They had just been playing around, like was normal for them, but they were about to cross some invisible barrier he wasn’t really ready for. Not that she was going to  _ ask _ him. 

When he rejoined her, he was holding out a different shirt and a pair of sweatpants. She took it with a timid smile and started to toe off her tennis shoes. She wouldn’t need them now anyway. 

“Can you, uh, grab me some socks?” she asked quietly. 

He nodded and she unbuttoned her pants and slipped the sweatpants on before he came back. He handed over a fluffy pair she didn’t recognize and then started to peel off her shirt and sweatshirt, but she hadn’t been expecting the surge of pain and a whimper fell from her lips. 

“Told you,” he replied softly. “Let me.”

She nodded and lifted her arms as far as she comfortably could, letting him gingerly remove the offending articles of clothing. He tossed them both into his laundry basket and helped slip the t-shirt over her head. 

She smiled when she noticed it smelled like him. This wasn’t her shirt at all. It was his. And it swallowed her whole, but she didn’t care. She knew she had clothes of her own in his room, and he had still brought her this. 

She rolled up the sleeves so her fingers were visible and laced them together with his as he led her back into the living room where everyone was now waiting. The closer they got, the louder it seemed to be, but something about it made her feel right at home. 

Lily gave him one more smile as she peered up at him before they turned the corner, letting her hand slip from his as everyone jumped up to greet her. 


	30. you will find me

Derek grinned as he listened to the sounds coming from the loft, taking pride in the fact that he could tell Lily’s voice and laughter apart from everyone else’s already. They’d been up there for a few hours, playing games and relaxing, but now they seemed to have started a round of truth or dare. He was trying  _ not _ to listen, a little afraid of what it might reveal. 

Every once and a while someone would drift toward the kitchen where he’d been cooking the whole time, snacking on whatever was fresh out of the oven or off the stove. He had stopped bothering to swat their hands away, knowing it was absolutely no use. And he was cooking for them anyway. It didn’t matter to him when they ate it, really. 

He could hear someone new sneaking toward him as he turned his back on the stairs to check on the crab cakes. Of course he smelled her before she snaked her arms around his middle from behind, and it made him smirk. 

“You know you can’t sneak up on a werewolf, right?” 

“I did,” she admitted. “One of the many things I’ve learned today in Supernatural 101.”

Derek groaned. “Jesus, I’m sorry, Lil. Want me to tell them to stop?” 

She giggled as he turned around in her arms. “No,” she shook her head. “I don’t mind. It’s kinda nice.”

He perked an eyebrow at her assessment. “Nice? Are… are you feeling okay?”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Yes. I just meant it’s nice that they’re including me. That’s all.”

“Why wouldn’t they?”

She shrugged. “Everyone’s all broken up into groups, ya know? And then I’m by myself. When I’m with Edward or Carlisle it’s about vampires and Slayers. Sometimes you guys, but here it’s just… hanging out. I don’t know. It’s fun. I don’t feel so…”

“Alone?” he offered.

“Yeah.”

He gave her a smile and then leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose. 

“Gross,” Stiles whined suddenly nearby. “Mom and Dad are kissing.”

Lily giggled and shook her head, pulling Derek down to her level by placing a hand on the back of his neck and then proceeded to plant big, sloppy kisses all along his face and jawline, making him howl with laughter. 

“Ewww,” Stiles complained, grabbing some chips and popping them in his mouth. “Get a room.”

“Get a room?” Derek scoffed. “This is  _ my _ house.”

Stiles snorted. “Since when, dude? We  _ all _ live here. Lydia and me have our own room. And you and I both know you did  _ not _ decorate it like that.”

Derek shrugged and nodded in agreement as he turned around and got back to work cooking everything left. He wanted it all done before the Cullens made their way over so he could hang out and relax too. He knew it wasn’t for them, but it would keep the wolves out of his cupboards if he had things they could munch on for the rest of the night. It’d also save him another trip to the grocery store in the next few hours. 

Planning ahead has always been key when it came to his pack, especially since he had inherited a much larger one than Peter before him. Not that he’d trade any of them for more peace and quiet. He very much liked the noise. Especially now. And it finally felt like a home with Lily here.

“Can we watch  _ Home Alone _ tonight?” Isaac asked, coming into the living room behind Boyd. “I know it’s not Christmas, but…”

“There’s no rule that says we have to only watch it at Christmas,” Lily argued. “And it’s one of my favorites, so I say yes.”

Derek caught sight of the boy’s face when Lily agreed with him and he smiled too. He had misinterpreted their relationship so much in the beginning, not that either of them really understood it then, so it was nice to see it for what it was now. She might not be ready for the role just yet, but she was the pack mom. And they all reveled in the smallest amount of praise she offered. 

Which, according to Derek, was as it should be. And it also made protecting Lily that much more imperative. Without her now, they’d all fall apart. 

Even him. 

_ Especially _ him. 

But he could worry about all that later. Tonight was about nothing more than being together. There were still threats, but with all of them here they’d never fully go away, and Lily had helped him see they couldn’t stop living because of it. In fact, that was why they  _ had _ to do it. Nights like these weren’t always so easy to come by, and Derek had a feeling something loomed just over the horizon. 

“We don’t have a room big enough with a TV in it,” Boyd said. 

“We can figure it out,” Scott said next, appearing out of nowhere with Allison tucked into his side. “We can go get a sheet and set up the projector or something.”

“If we’re watching  _ Home Alone _ in the living room, I’m pulling out the Christmas stuff,” Erica promised. “It’s, like, a rule.”

Derek chuckled and shook his head as he stirred the dip, but didn’t say anything else as they all walked away. They were still chatting happily to themselves as they caught Lydia up on their plans, basically cementing that they would be going way overboard. 

“It’s gonna look like Christmas threw up in here, isn’t it?” Lily asked absentmindedly as she watched them go.

“Definitely.”

She shrugged to herself before turning back to him. “Are you sure you don’t need help?”

“I cook all the time, Lil,” Derek reminded her. “Before Bella got here, and right after I started with your Dad and Noah, that was basically my job. And we have more guys over there.” 

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need help.”

“I like it,” he confessed. 

“Fine, fine. I’m going to make sure the kids don’t get into anything then.”

Derek grinned, giving her a wink as she walked away too. He knew she was just going with what felt natural, but she wasn’t hardly any older than they were, so calling them kids had to come from somewhere else. Somewhere she wasn’t ready to delve into yet. 

A knock on the front door interrupted his train of thought, and he placed the spoon over the pot about to boil over as he went to answer it. 

He wasn’t at all prepared for the sight before him when he pulled it open, though, since it revealed the Cullens and each was decked out in their Christmas pajamas. And the only one of them that didn’t look disgruntled by this choice of attire was Alice. She was practically hopping up and down, trying to see past Derek and into the house. 

“Don’t ask,” Emmett grumbled as he took stock of Derek’s expression. 

He bit his lip to keep from laughing as he moved aside and let them in without a word, not trusting himself to talk. 

Alice zipped in the direction of Lily and the rest of them, he assumed, since only a few seconds later he heard squealing and laughter as they all said their hellos. Then they were talking a mile a minute about how Alice could’ve possibly known they were going to decide to do this. It had only been a few seconds ago, for one thing. 

As he shut the door behind everyone else, ushering them into the living room, Edward said, “She made us go back and change.”

Derek chuckled low. “Sorry, man. I should’ve told them no.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Emmett said. “It’s not that bad. Just weird. It’s June.”

“And could you have even told them no?” Edward quipped. 

Derek tried to scowl at him, but it didn’t come off right anymore. His heart wasn’t in it. Lily had complete control, and with anyone else that thought would terrify him, but now he preferred it. 

Edward gave Bella a quick kiss on the temple as she let him go, following behind Rosalie and Jasper in search of Alice and Lily. 

“In a million years,” Edward began, “this is not where I ever thought I’d be.”

“Same.”

Emmett plopped down on the couch and flipped on the TV as he and Edward headed for the kitchen. He leaned against the counter much like Lily had a second ago as Derek got back to his work. 

“How’s Lily doing?” he whispered after a second. “Bella keeps asking me.”

“She’s good,” Derek answered truthfully. “Quiet. But good. I think.”

Edward nodded. “You’d know if she wasn’t.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Edward gave him a look that spoke volumes. He knew Lily was leaning into her own instincts without being aware, and he was doing something similar by refusing to label any of his when it came to her.

“That’s to be expected,” Edward asserted. “Especially with where your relationship stands.”

“Where it stands?” Derek asked out loud unnecessarily as he pulled the spoon up and tested the sauce. “Where’s that?”

“Not really dating, but more than friends,” Edward remarked. 

“Best friends,” Derek corrected. “But not more than that.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, watching her bring an armful of decorations into the living room, going back for more quickly. “She seems very… at home here.”

Derek nodded. “I’m sure. We talked about it.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Being best friends with Lily? Yeah, I’m good with it,” Derek smirked. “I think she’s great. You know that. Are you worried about something?”

Edward shook his head and then sighed heavily. “Only that… you’re not being honest with yourself.”

Derek knew Edward wasn’t being malicious when he said it, but he wasn’t ready for that conversation with himself. Neither was Lily. They were comfortable and happy. And for now, that was going to have to be enough. They both deserved that much, especially with Victoria still out there trying to end her sister’s life. The very same sister she had finally found. 

“You’re right,” Edward affirmed. “This isn’t our main concern right now. If you’re happy, and she’s happy…”

“And Bella’s happy,” Derek added.

“And Bella’s happy,” Edward agreed. “Then it’s fine. Just be gentle with yourself, Derek. You have a tendency to take on more than you should.”

Emmett snorted from the other room. “Hello, yes, Pot? This is Kettle.”

Derek snickered as Edward growled at his brother. “Oh, shut up.”

“You’re being a little pious, dude. You’re the literal worst at that shit. You think if anything happens, it’s your fault. Just chill. Come watch TV. Leave Derek alone. He doesn’t need you stinking it up with our vampire smell.”

Edward shook his head and chuckled as he moved away from the food. “Okay, fine. I’m going to go and help Bella, then.”

“Shocking,” Emmett teased.

Edward slapped Emmett’s pajama-clad feet off the coffee table as he passed, only succeeding in making Emmett laugh. 

Derek gave another stir to his final dish as he pulled it off the stove, still shaking his head at Emmett and Edward’s antics. He knew he didn’t need to announce dinner, or whatever the hell this meal should be called since he’d lost track of time hours ago, because their noses would find it all whenever they were ready. 

Instead, he set it up and went to find Lily too. He followed his own scent, mingled with hers, to the back of the house where everyone was going through decades worth of Christmas memorabilia. He leaned in the door frame as he watched Lily pull out individual pieces and admire them, separating them into piles. His eyebrows pulled in the middle, not able to tell what she was doing from where he was. 

After a few more minutes of watching her, he couldn’t take it anymore, and sat down on the floor beside her and one of the large storage tubs scattered around the room. 

He kissed her temple. “Whatcha doing?”

“I’m making sure the really delicate stuff gets put back up,” she answered easily. “Scott’s already broken, like, three of the glass ornaments.”

She shot him a look and his face turned bright red, but he didn’t dare glance up. Derek kissed her temple again and chuckled as he stood up. “Having fun?”

“Yep.”

“We’re all sleeping in the living room,” Lydia announced to Derek. “Isaac and Boyd are getting the mattresses down now.”

“All of us?”

“Well, not the vampires or whatever,” she conceded. “But everyone who needs sleep, I guess.”

“I’m too old to sleep on the floor,” Derek asserted. 

Lily rolled her eyes. “It’s a mattress, not the floor, old man. You’ll be fine.”

Everyone laughed quietly. “Geez, I thought you were gonna debate me on the whole old thing.”

“Not a chance,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re basically a hundred.” 

“I think you’re confusing me and Edward.”

“Yeah,  _ right _ .”

“Stiles, shut up,” Derek joked.

“Yeah, that’d get awkward real…”

A real gasp from Alice interrupted Erica’s argument and everyone turned to face her. Derek watched in slow motion as a popsicle ornament he’d made in first grade for Peter came crashing down onto the tile, splintering apart. 

“Alice?” Jasper breathed, appearing at her side. “What is it?”

The entire house had gotten silent in the midst of whatever chaos was brewing. Even Emmett had turned off the TV and Boyd and Isaac had stopped moving around. 

They just waited. 

Alice blinked rapidly. “Victoria.”


	31. daylight goodbye

“Are we really just waiting for Carlisle and Esme to show up?” Stiles asked, clearly exasperated. 

He’d been pacing for over ten minutes, and no one had said a word in the meantime. Lydia kept trying to get him to sit down next to her, but it wasn’t working. His hyperactive nature had overtaken him the minute Alice had said Victoria’s name. But that hadn’t stopped Lydia from trying. 

“We could discuss some strategies,” he offered. “We could figure out why she’s doing what she’s doing? We could…”

“Stiles, we  _ do _ know what she’s doing,” Edward stated. “And why. And we will definitely get to strategies as soon as possible, but we need everyone on the same page. We don’t want to have to repeat information, if we can help it.” 

He sighed heavily and turned to Bella. “It’s going to take all of us working together. Even those who have no training, so we need Carlisle’s expertise.” He paused and turned back to Stiles, whose eyes were nearly bugging out of his head at Edward’s advice to wait again. “So, can you please sit down? I think you’re making everyone anxious.”

“I’m making everyone anxious? Me? Are you shittin’ me? It’s me?” He scoffed. “Not the crazy lady coming to kill us all with an army of newborn vampires.”

“I still can’t believe this,” Jasper whispered, more to himself than anyone else in the room. “Where would she have even gotten the idea? She’s not old enough.”

“What the  _ hell _ does that have to do with anything?” Stiles complained. “Who cares where she got it?”

“If we knew where she got her information, we could determine her methodology,” Jasper insisted. “If we had that, it would help determine her tactics. Her strategies. If we knew those, we could narrow down our own.”

“Well, I mean… yeah,” Stiles conceded, finally plopping down next to Lydia. “I guess.”

He ran his hands through his hair and then bent forward, putting his head between his legs. Both Lydia and Derek reached out and rubbed his back in different places as he worked on steadying his breathing. 

“We’re going to figure this out,” Emmett said softly. “We don’t lose, okay? And with all you guys too, they don’t stand a chance. Doesn’t matter how many of them there are.”

Rosalie nodded along with Emmett’s assessment of the situation, a slight smirk playing on her lips. Derek was still trying to figure out what that might mean, and he wasn’t sure he approved of it entirely. Edward had always described this particular sister of his as having very shallow thoughts, so whatever she was cooking up probably wasn’t the greatest.

Derek heard Edward snort slightly, covering it up with a cough when those closest to him turned to look his way. He clearly agreed with Derek there, which didn’t make him feel any better.

He reached out to Lily next, on his other side, and squeezed her hand. 

Their entire group had all moved into the living room from the back storage area as one unit and scattered around both Derek and Lily’s feet, but she hadn’t uttered a word. And it was starting to make him uneasy. 

“You okay?” he muttered in her ear.

She nodded, but didn’t tear her eyes from the wall opposite them. And he could tell she wasn't really seeing anything there either. But he had no idea what to do for her. They were about to be trapped in the middle of a supernatural war, and she was their secret weapon. 

A position he did not approve of at all for her. 

Keeping her hidden. Keeping her safe. Those were his main priorities. Or they had been until Alice had said one little name. And now he was sitting here trying to figure out, without knowing all the puzzle pieces, how to keep her out of the line of fire as much as possible. Much like he assumed Edward was currently doing in regards to Bella. 

Isaac laid his head on Lily’s leg from where he was stretched out on the floor and she reached to absentmindedly run her fingers through his hair. Then Erica did the same near her feet. Finally, Boyd reached out from where he sat next to her, his feet on either side of Isaac, and put an arm around her shoulders. His fingertips were touching Derek too, and the energy pulsing between all three of them was palpable. And calm. Surprisingly and overwhelmingly calm. 

He didn’t know what to make of it, but if it was working for them, he didn’t feel the need to disrupt it. 

As he took stock of the rest of the faces in the room with him, a gentle knock sounded at the door. Of course, given their state, it might as well have been a cannon going off. Thankfully, Derek didn’t flinch or jump like he wanted to. 

At least he still had the semblance of control. 

He rushed to the door, careful not to step on the dozen or so people shoved into his living room. When he threw the door wide, he was beyond relieved to see a solemn-looking Carlisle and Esme standing there. He was expecting them, of course, but it was nice that their attitudes mirrored their feelings inside as well. It made his own seem more valid in his mind. If Carlisle was even the least bit worried, he was allowed to be freaking out. 

Though maybe not outwardly, for the sake of his pack.

Carlisle came into the house fully, examining the scene before him like he was looking over a chart for a patient. He was methodical with each glance, taking in each person before moving to the next. 

“Where’s Jackson?” 

“He should be two minutes behind you,” Derek asserted. 

“Here,” Jackson spoke suddenly behind them. “I’m here. Sorry.”

Derek nodded once and motioned for him to take a seat anywhere he could find room, which Jackson did quickly. When Derek was confident everyone was where they should be, and his front door was shut again, he went back to his spot on the couch next to Lily. 

“All right,” Carlisle began, “Alice, why don’t you tell me what you saw? We can start there.”

Alice stood up slowly, her hand never leaving Jasper’s as she did so. “I saw Victoria picking out another person to be in charge,” Alice started. “She said she had to pick a new one because we killed Riley. And that they’ll need to be more careful from now on. She kept saying all this stuff to this new person about how awful we are and how we manipulate the truth to fit our narrative. But the truth is that we destroy everything in our path.”

Derek shook his head in disagreement, knowing full well that no one in this room believed a word of what Victoria was telling her troops. In fact, he wasn’t even sure she believed them herself. Based on what Edward had discussed with him on the nights when they had patrolled together, she was self-serving to the highest degree, and she would do anything to make sure that she got her way. 

And her way was killing Bella.

Edward snarled slightly at the edge Derek’s thoughts had taken, not that he blamed him. He knew what would happen to him if something happened to Lily, so he made sure to issue a silent apology and hoped Edward would forgive him. 

He didn’t stop to worry too much about that now, though. There were more pressing issues.

“Okay, so you saw an army, correct?” Carlisle guessed. Alice nodded again. “And they are coming here?”

Derek could hear Lily’s heart rate increase almost instantly at that thought, and he knew where her mind had gone. Or, more specifically,  _ who _ it had gone to. And if he was right, Lily was maybe a few minutes away from a total breakdown. Charlie was her last tie to anything that resembled a normal, human life, and if anything happened to him, she would sever all others too. Something he had done, when both his parents had died. Only now, all these years later, was he starting to come out of the shell of a person he had become way back when.

And he knew it was thanks to Lily. 

But right now he was fighting the urge to cry, because he knew he could never return that favor should the worst happen. And the idea of her going off to have a normal, human life made him want to retreat all over again. Even though it was the kind of life she had earned. The one she deserved. The one he was stripping her of if she dipped even another toe into this lifestyle with him. 

He was doing her a disservice by involving her, and he knew that, but the selfishness involved from spending time together had clouded his judgment in the most delicious way. He wanted as much as she could give him.

More even. 

He’d never forgive himself for this. 

“We’ll need to practice,” Edward said quietly after a few seconds. “Jasper can help there.”

Jasper nodded solemnly, looking up to Alice where she was still standing and trying to offer her a smile. Again, something was hidden there he didn’t quite understand, but with Jasper it didn’t seem as sinister as Rosalie’s smirk. 

“All right,” Carlisle consented. “And we’ll need to form some sort of plan regarding how to corner them all in a place that makes the most sense. And is out of the way of anyone in town. As much as I hate to admit it, this will be the worst kind of massacre, but I don’t want any innocent humans in their path.”

“More than there already have been?” Stiles questioned. 

“Exactly. One is too many.”

“We can start tomorrow night,” Alice said. “They won’t be headed this way for at least a few days. But I think the timeline has been moved up because she wants to catch us by surprise. She knows of my gift, but not enough.”

Carlisle nodded. “Tomorrow night, then.”

“Tomorrow?” Isaac asked, not lifting his head. “Can’t we just start tonight? We need to practice.”

“You need sleep more,” Carlisle remarked. 

“You think we’re gonna be able to sleep?” Jackson implored hoarsely. “Fat fucking chance.”

“Maybe not,” Carlisle continued. “But you have to try. We’ll be safe if we take a step back, plan, and then practice tomorrow. Edward and I will be watching over everything and we’ll reconvene in the morning.” He turned his attention to Derek. “Is it all right to meet back here? Or would you like to come over to our house?”

“Here is fine,” Derek said. “We can do it here.”

“Thank you. We’ll be back tomorrow.” He paused and turned to everyone else in the room. “Try to get some rest.”

No one acknowledged his request as he and most of the Cullens left with him. Bella and Edward stayed behind, issuing their own goodbyes as she came to sit on the coffee table next to Lily. Apparently, she wasn’t just his anchor anymore. 

He’d have to share. 

“Let’s try to sleep,” Lydia said, repeating Carlisle’s instructions. 

Then one by one, they all stood and started to pull out their mattresses, lining them up next to each other so each were touching. Derek counted them all, noticing that they clearly had set up him and Lily right in the center, and he couldn’t help but smile at the gesture. 

As much as he wanted some time alone with Lily, and knew she probably needed it too, they weren’t letting her go anymore than he planned to do. 

When all was said and done, Bella and Edward’s mattress was touching his and Lily’s at the head while everyone else was crowded around. The movie they’d picked was playing softly in the background, but no one could concentrate on it. They had all worked in relative silence, and even though most were huddled together with their significant others and imprints, they were mostly staring at the ceiling questioning their fates. 

Just like he was now. 

Eventually, even his eyelids started to droop and he turned to his side to pull Lily closer. The last thing he noticed before he drifted off into what would hopefully be a dreamless sleep was Lily’s hand outstretched toward her sister’s, their fingertips still touching. 


	32. kill the messenger

Lily watched closely as Alice and Jasper partnered off, staring hard at them across the small clearing. She didn’t want to miss anything, and she was worried she would if she even blinked. 

Which was fair. They were unbelievably fast. And Alice and Jasper were only outdone by Edward. But she was here to learn. She couldn’t waver. 

She felt one of the wolves come and flop down next to her and she leaned against its fur without bothering to see which one of her friends it was. 

As they laid their head in her lap, she absentmindedly began to run her fingers through their fur, causing them to give off a low growl. It made her smile, but she still didn’t tear her eyes away from the scene in front of her. 

Jasper had Alice on the ropes, it seemed. And Lily couldn’t help but cringe at the way Jasper had his fangs bared like that. It was so much more sinister when someone as tiny as Alice was on the receiving end. 

“Isaac,” Derek said. “Go back over with the others.”

He gave a high-pitched whine from the back of his throat, making Lily smile, before standing up and trotting off to where the others were lined up together in the trees. They were partially hidden, but she knew they could see as clearly as if it were the middle of the day. Which it most certainly was not. 

Derek sat down next to her and she instinctively laid her head on his shoulder, scooting closer to his body warmth. 

“You okay?” he whispered. “I can take you back if you’re tired.”

“Stop,” she answered quietly. 

“What?” 

“You gotta stop asking me if I’m okay. I said I was the first hundred times you asked. The answer hasn’t changed. And if it does, I’ll tell you. Stop babying me, Derek,” she commanded. 

He let out a low huff at her answer, but didn’t press it. She let her body relax further and further against him when she could tell he planned on staying quiet. Her mind screamed at her that it was the imprinting that made him do it, but she had gotten used to the dull roar of her anxiety in the background, so it was easier to ignore tonight. 

It probably helped she had something to concentrate on too. And that, despite what she had told Derek, she was pretty exhausted too. 

She had gotten sleep, per se. But it hadn’t been  _ good _ sleep. It had been incredibly fitful and crammed with nightmare after nightmare. When she’d woken up, she felt more tired somehow, and then they’d been too restless for a nap at any point. It also didn’t help that the entire pack had needed her for one thing or another. 

Not that she was complaining. 

She was just exhausted. 

Lily breathed a sigh of relief when Alice was finished and Edward and Rosalie stepped up next. They were more on par with one another physically, so it didn’t seem to bother her as much. And while Lily knew Alice could handle herself better than any of her siblings, she didn’t like it. It clearly didn’t need to be rational for her to let it mess with her. But that wasn’t exactly new. Anxiety wasn’t rational. 

With each passing round between the Cullens, the wolves moved closer and closer to the clearing. It made her happy to see, too. The idea that they might not lose anyone seemed to become more concrete in her head. While they knew each other in their human form, she knew it was a much harder instinct to fight like this. And she knew because she was having a problem fighting it right now. 

She had to remind herself repeatedly that these were the good vampires, not the bad ones. But her body didn’t seem to be able to tell the difference. And she was getting scared. If she couldn’t control it now, when the stakes and stress were virtually nonexistent, she knew she couldn’t hope to be coherent enough to make any sort of positive impact. 

And that thought terrified her. 

Lily knew she had been given these instincts for a reason, but right now she felt useless. Granted, had they not activated, she would’ve been sitting on the sidelines with Bella. Or worse, she would’ve been kept in the dark completely because Derek wouldn’t have been interested in her. Not like this anyway. 

And just like that, she remembered exactly why she’d had such a problem with all of this imprinting to begin with. She trusted none of it. For one, it didn’t make sense. If it was supposed to provide Derek with a partner that would complete him, she was already out of the running, Slayer or not. She just didn’t fit the bill. Not with everything that had been forced upon her before she got here. 

Whether or not any of it was her fault was beside the point. She didn’t belong in their world. And thanks to her newfound powers, she wasn’t even sure there was one she did anymore. 

“Lily,” Edward said next, jolting her out of her unpleasant reverie. “Do you want to try?”

She swallowed hard as she sat up and nodded. Derek put his hand over hers and kept it pinned to the ground. 

“Are you sure?” he asked, not looking at her. “What if…”

Lily jerked her hand out from underneath Derek’s and shot him a look. “I am fine.”

“I know. I just thought that…”

“I know what you thought,” she snapped, walking toward Edward. 

She didn’t say another word, or even look over her shoulder again, as she sauntered toward Edward and his family. She knew that Derek’s concern was valid, but she was never going to get any better if she didn’t practice. Sure, it was dangerous, but this entire plan hinged on stirring up a bunch of baby bloodthirsty vampires until there was basically a riot and they were too delirious to do anything other than give into that singular feeling. The same feeling that made them want to kill her sister. 

She had to  _ try _ . 

“Okay,” Edward said, when she was close enough, “you stand here. I’m going to go over there and I’ll charge you. That one is simple enough. That’s probably how it’ll be anyway. We’ll work up to the more intricate moves later.”

She nodded, not trusting her voice not to crack with the emotion and weight of the situation. Lily also didn’t dare turn and look to her sister, whose eyes she could feel boring into her temple. She wouldn’t be able to give her the reassurance she needed right now. The best she could do was focus on not killing her soulmate. 

“Ready?” Edward shouted. 

She nodded again, and with no other warning, he began to run straight at her. The blackness closed in quickly and the next thing she knew, Derek was on top of her, pinning her to the ground as she struggled to break free. He had his hands on her forearms and his legs straddling her waist, but it almost wasn’t enough. 

Lily stopped the instant she was coherent enough to, the shame washing over her quickly. She looked around for Edward and saw him standing a few feet from her in one piece. Unfortunately, he was also wearing a look she knew too well. The one that said he felt sorry for her. 

God, she hated that fucking look. 

Derek stood up and pulled her to her feet, only an arm’s length away as she moved around to get back into her starting spot. 

“Again,” she announced. 

“Are you sure?” Edward asked. 

“Again,” she repeated. 

She heard a few low whines from the wolves, but she decided to ignore them. It helped that she knew that their concern wasn’t for any of the Cullens, but for her. While she loved how much they seemed to like her, she knew someone had to do this for Bella. Without Edward, Bella wouldn’t survive. Everyone knew that. 

Edward ran to the end of the clearing again, touching the large boulder and then turning around. He squared his shoulders and then darted straight for her, fangs bared just like Jasper’s had been.

This time, she managed to keep the blackness away a second longer, but it wasn’t long before she was waking up again with Derek on top of her, struggling to keep her from ripping out Edward’s throat. 

“Again,” she growled before she’d even gotten to her feet. “Again.”

“Lily, we can stop for a little bit.” 

“No,” she said, tears stinging her eyes. “I have to get this right. We have two days. Right, Alice?”

Alice didn’t say anything. She wouldn’t even look at Lily. 

“Alice?” she asked again softly. 

“Yes, two days,” Alice finally answered. “But we can do this another way.” 

“Okay, tell me,” Lily said, standing up and putting her hands on her hips. “Because this morning  _ I _ was the plan. It was me. I’m supposed to…” 

“It doesn’t matter if you can’t do it,” Derek said. “If you hurt one of them, it’s not going to matter. And you can’t do it by yourself.” 

“Then why don’t we just sit this one out?” Carlisle offered. “Derek, do you think you and Lily and the rest of the pack could take them all?”

“Maybe,” he answered. “Maybe with some training, but not in this amount of time. We don’t… we can’t…” 

“It’s too soon,” Lily finished for him. “And I’m too unpredictable. It’s not like we can practice  _ that _ . We’d have to find out that day.”

“I don’t wanna sit this one out,” Emmett whined. 

Carlisle chuckled softly and patted Emmett on the back. “We'll figure it out.” 

“I can sit it out,” Lily said, hanging her head. 

“We tried twice,” Jasper offered. “We can just keep trying. I’m already covered in scars. What’s a few more?”

“No,” Lily said, tears now threatening to fall. “No, this is better. It makes the most sense. I’ll stay at home and hope that I’m far enough away that my Slayer crap doesn’t activate or whatever.”

“Maybe it’s the scenario,” Edward interjected. “Maybe the idea of you fighting in the clearing is the part we’re getting wrong. What if you were with me and Victoria?”

“That’s too close,” Lily responded, shaking her head. “No way. We already know how I act around vampires that get too close. But I can’t guarantee if we turned it on her, it would stay on her and then magically turn off when I needed it to.”

“Then we practice,” Derek added. “And keep practicing.”

Lily turned to him slowly as he spoke the words, her eyes huge. She was too stunned to do anything other than stand there and stare at him for a few seconds. 

“You… didn’t want me to do this at all,” she whispered. 

“No, I don’t,” he admitted. “But we need you. And maybe if we practice the fight stuff first and then add the vampire thing in later, it’ll go better.” 

“Add it in later? We don’t have time.”

“We’ll  _ make _ time.”

She searched his eyes for one excruciating moment before she nodded, unsure of what else to do. She didn't really have an argument lined up that made any sense, but she was pleased to see him give in. It was certainly more than she thought she’d get at this point. 

Which made her question his motivation.

“Fine,” she consented. 

He watched her for a minute longer before turning and walking to Edward, she assumed to hash out some of the finer details of whatever arrangement they had just come to, so she went to stand next to Stiles. 

When she got close enough, he held out his arms and pushed off the tree he was leaning against, giving her a big hug. Before she’d come to this sleepy little town, she would’ve never been so comfortable, but this seemed the perfect spot to lay her head and lick her metaphorical wounds. 

“You’ll get this,” Stiles whispered. “You will.”

“What if I don’t?” 

“Not a thing,” he retorted. “Do you know how stubborn Derek is?”

She laughed lightly, burying her head further into his chest. Lily felt one of the wolves nuzzle her leg suddenly, and without even looking she knew it was Lydia. Under normal circumstances, she might have thought it was jealousy, but she knew that Lydia was well aware of where they all stood in their friendship. 

Being an imprint for them just didn’t have the same inherent problems that it did for her and Derek. She knew that there was more at work between Lydia and Stiles than there could ever be with her and Derek. It made her feel awful. It made her feel worthless. It made her feel… broken. 

She had to tell him. 

Stiles opened up his arms after a second and moved her to one side of his body, still keeping her tucked under one arm, as Derek started to walk over and join them. She tried to determine if he was mad at or not, but his face was as passive as she’d ever seen it. And he wasn’t looking at her. It seemed like he was avoiding her. 

Great. 

“Why don’t you guys head home? Get some rest. We’ll start again tomorrow.”

Stiles nodded above her and then gave her another squeeze before releasing her completely. He let his hand run across the fur on top of Lydia’s head as they both walked off back into the woods where everyone was parked. 

It wasn’t long before she heard their voices and laughter bouncing off the trees in the dark. She wanted to follow them. Bad. But she knew better. She had to stay and deal with this. She had to do better. For her dad. For her sister. For the town that had become home. 

Even for Derek. 

She had to do better and better meant more practice. She owed them all that much. 

Lily finally turned to face Derek and was surprised to see a smirk there, his hand out to her like he was simply asking her to dance or something. 

Her eyebrows pulled as she put her hand in his and he led her to the middle of the clearing. 

“Now, I want you to try to tackle me,” he instructed. 

She crossed her arms as he crouched, assuming the defensive position. “Be serious, Derek.”

“I’m teaching you how to fight, Lily. Now, come on,” he insisted. 

She rolled her eyes, uncrossed her arms, and focused all her attention on the man in front of her, pretending he could be someone who might have the capacity to hurt her. 

**Author's Note:**

> I live off comments and kudos, so toss a coin to your fanfic author.
> 
> You can also hang out with me on Tumblr and request things here: [the-galaxy-collector](https://www.the-galaxy-collector.tumblr.com)
> 
> Or at my _Teen Wolf_ Discord Server here: [ The Beacon Hills Preserve](https://discord.gg/xm24uP6)


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